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My Mom's opinion of AlAnon

Old 07-27-2012, 10:38 PM
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My Mom's opinion of AlAnon

Was discussing recent events that ive been going through with my Mom today, and at the end of the conversatio she said "i dont know about those meetings you go to. To me they just keep you connected to the alcoholic & person whos hurt you. You should be focused on yourself & i dont think those meetings will fully allow you to do that." Oh to be a normie, with normal problems and no experience or knowledge about alcoholics! I wish on a star at 11:11 every night for things to be that easy! I didnt take it personal, she doesnt truely understand what I've been through, like most of the people in my life dont.
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Old 07-27-2012, 10:55 PM
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Ironically, Al-Anon is all about focusing just on one's self and one's own recovery. There is no emphasis on the alcoholic and what he or she does. It is all about you and how you can recover and take care of yourself.
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Old 07-28-2012, 12:19 AM
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I think that's a common misunderstanding of what Al-Anon does.

Al-Anon doesn't keep you tied to the alcoholism. It gives you tools to understand how you've developed unhealthy coping mechanisms in reaction to alcoholism, so that you can unlearn those behaviors.
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Old 07-28-2012, 05:15 AM
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Her reaction is quite understandable. I was under the wrong impression, too.

She sounds like she cares for your best interest. Actually, she would be right IF alanon were about the alcoholic.

Just explain, in a non-argumentative tone, that alanon philosophy agrees with hers and give her some alanon materials to look over.

She sounds like a nice mother, to me.

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Old 07-28-2012, 05:49 AM
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My mom said this too.

My response was how many people I saw in there after they had left one addict/alcoholic and got involved again with another.

I then said I did not want to do that and wanted to make sure I fixed myself so I did not do that again.

I have not heard that again.

I also offered to have her come with me (she grew up in an alcoholic home, she declined).
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Old 07-28-2012, 12:03 PM
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funny, i have people saying when i mention i am in AL ANON they say " oooh, I didnt know you where an alkie"...lol

alot of people DO NOT KNOW of AL ANON and its principles...shame really, sometimes i want to shout it out the roof tops...PEOPLE! WE CAN ALL USE A 12 STEP PROGRAM IN OUR DAILY LIFE...not just because of the A's in our lives....**shugs**
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Old 07-28-2012, 12:44 PM
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My mom and daughter both think Al-Anon and CoDA are foolishness, but as the daughter says, "if you think you need that..."

My mother spent years enslaved to an alcoholic, physically abusive, philandering husband (not my father) and his substance abusing daughter; my daughter is living a very soul-less life with a man whom I believe to be a controlling sociopath, but OK, I'm not ashamed to say something went wrong in my life and I want to do better from here on.

I'm still looking for the Al-Anon or CoDA group that suits me. That's a topic unto itself.
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Old 07-28-2012, 12:45 PM
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sometimes i want to shout it out the roof tops...PEOPLE! WE CAN ALL
USE A 12 STEP PROGRAM IN OUR DAILY LIFE...not just because of the A's in
our lives....**shugs**
(((((fourmaggie)))))

I have felt this way since my early years in AA and then Alanon. Those 12 Steps
are for EVERYONE. My s-i-l has 'incorporated them' into his own 'spirituality'
program of how he lives his life (no he is not an alkie, nor is he in Alanon, lol) and
I do believe my daughter uses them also.

I have found that in these rough 'economical' times they are even more important
for me to live by.

J M E

Love and hugs,
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Old 07-28-2012, 06:56 PM
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My mom didn't understand my going to meeting, either. There was a time she was horrified -"what will the neighbors think???" even though I lived 750 miles away from her. But I kept going back, and I learned that MY recovery was about ME. It wasn't about her or any of her issues. When I went to visit my mom I went to some of the local Al anon meetings in her community. She never went with me.

Many years later, my mom lived in an assisted living facility. She told me that she had become friends with one of the women who worked there. The woman began to share about her life, and her abusive alcoholic husband.

My mom actually asked her if she knew about Al Anon. She said "I don't know much about it, but I can tell you that it helped my daughter, it may even have saved her life. and I know there are meetings here in town because she's gone to them when she was visiting me."

It still makes me tear up when I think about that. My mom never went to an Al Anon meeting, yet she was able to carry the message.

Al Anon is for US - so we can learn better ways of living our lives. And perhaps we can carry the message to someone else who is struggling.
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Old 07-29-2012, 02:39 PM
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My mother thinks those "meetings" are full of sh$$! Ironically, I'm beginning to wonder if she is an alcoholic and had been for a while! Best of luck to you!!
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Old 07-29-2012, 07:38 PM
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I had no idea how much help I would receive from al anon. I have so much more peace at work with a particular co worker since I have learned to change my behavior and my reaction to comments that are made. I think that part in the meeting that talks about receiving the support of others who are living with addiction as they understand perhaps better than friends and family ever could sums it up well.
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Old 07-29-2012, 08:35 PM
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I thought it was a bunch of whiners myself. But hey, at that time, I was pretty p'd off about the whole situation. It took a few starts and stops for it all to stick. I can see how folks can think (and I heard this from AA folks too) that all we do is sit around and b!tch about the alcoholic is our lives. Please. ; )
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Old 07-30-2012, 07:44 AM
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It is in situations like this that I pull out:

"what someone thinks of me (or Alanon-my edit) is none of my business".

Unfortunately, I get to use this very often, but am getting much better at it!
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Old 07-30-2012, 08:59 PM
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My mom didn't say that, but did ask me why I was going. I asked her to go with me and see for herself and she did. Then she started going too. Had she not agreed to go I would have told her not to talk about it or ask me again.

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Old 07-31-2012, 09:47 AM
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Originally Posted by wellnowwhat View Post
It is in situations like this that I pull out:

"what someone thinks of me (or Alanon-my edit) is none of my business".
i agree with this myself...but alot people dont get it either, because of THEIR OPINIONS...*lol*( and family is the worst of minding their own business...lol)
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