albionel

Found out my brother is a severe alcoholic about two months ago. He had seizures and almost died, I helped him with his recovery. I urged him to get help, and now he will not speak to me. Prior to the seizures and prior to his "secret" coming out, we talked everyday, for hours on end sometimes. He will still speak to our parents, but they are in complete denial and will tell him anything he wants to hear. When I try and tell our parents how hurt I am that my brother stopped speaking to me, they change the subject...ask me what Im making for dinner. I dont know if I am being the self fish one, because I am not being sensitive to the fact that my brother has a disease and is sick. Sometimes I feel he is a self-centered a**hole and used me for what he wanted, and now I serve him no purpose, my two children (his niece and nephew) adore him and wondered why he stopped speaking to us...Thanks.

Sobrietyplz

typical.

My A mother and I are sometimes on speaking terms and sometimes not on speaking terms. When she is sober and wants me in her life I enjoy it, but when she is drunk she is dead to me.

three years ago my mother approached everybody in her life that loves her and told them that she thinks she has a problem with alcohol. so my siblings and I staged an intervention. She went to the puff unit then off to rehab. before she even signed the paper work to go through rehab she decided to leave.

she made it out like we forced her to do something she didn't want to do. my grandmother and all of my mom's siblings were upset at us for some time over it, even though they too had said she needed help....

my mother has made it clear on several occasions when she is drunk that she thinks I judge her. I don't know what I did to deserve this accusation.

I've learned to take care of myself first. as selfish as it feels, it is not the same as being selfish. I have a life to live, a career to build, and a family to support. I can't do any of those things when I am constantly putting my life on hold to make sure she doesn't ruin hers.

I can't make myself sick over her decisions.

Just like the addict must learn he or she is powerless over the addiction, I had to learn that I am powerless as well. and it is actually a huge relief to realize this. unfortunately, I had to do everything in my power to help her before I truly understood what powerlessness was.

you are not alone. please find an al anon meeting

rdlesstraveled

albionel,

yes and even the recovering ones do this.

I have been totally cut off and i do not think that I can deal with this much longer.

It is extremely painful and emotionally abusive.

Chimmy

Yep,

It really hurts, especially as there isn't anything you can do, but sometimes its a blessing as you don't have to directly deal with it.

I like to think that its because they are ashamed to face you, he obviously has alot of respect for you and feels (rightly perhaps) that he has let you and your family down and he knows you will be dissapointed in him and tell him to quit etc etc when he isn't ready. whereas your parents are happy to just to ignore it and let him get on with it.

Try and get on with your life, if he wants to be well and be a part of it great, if not that's up to him and it's nothing to do with you whatsoever - if he is anything like my Mum he will be a totally different person when he is drinking anyway and you wont want him around.

Keep on this forum, I find it really helpful when things get on top of me.
xx

fourmaggie

the alcoholics do it because of SHAME and GUILT...they dont want to admit the problem for one, and do anything about it (because they WANT to continue to drink)...

its all a normal behaviour in my family...

shawty80

yep. mine broke up with me last september, and completely shut me out, then came crawling back in december. we broke up again about a month ago, and are pretty much no contact now. hurts like the dickens that he's done this again, but i truly believe that i am his external conscience, and he simply had to get me out of the way. even when i don't say anything about his drinking (and, believe me, i try VERY hard to not say anything!), i'm his reminder that he knows he has a problem that he isn't willing to deal with yet.

i'm sorry for the pain you are feeling. al-anon and sr have been amazingly therapuetic for me! hang in there.

Shadydeal

Yep, over and over for me! Very very painful or hard to understand! Don't even try! Hopefully for me this recent cut off....last! Because I pray I don't allow him back in my life.