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Feeling very vindictive

Old 06-16-2012, 09:54 AM
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Feeling very vindictive

OK, I know it's wrong but I have these twisted thoughts of retaliation and vindictiveness. My AH is done with his house arrest and has booked a work trip to CA and has rented a car with National. I keep thinking(yes, it's wrong) that I should call up the rental car company and tell them to run all renters who come in on Tuesday from AZ! Yet, I know that I need to leave it all in my Higher Power's hands but it drives me crazy that he'll be out there driving on his work permit(still on a soft suspension until the end of July). Throw in the fact that he's supposed to have an ignition interlock device, too, and he's risking so much even if they do rent him the car. It's unfortunate that they don't run licenses at the rental counters. Anyway, it's just my fantasy today. Still going to FL in 2 weeks, YAY!
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Old 06-16-2012, 10:32 AM
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I feel your anger. I want to call and let them know to run licenses! Can you vent away, maybe get pen and paper and be all evil there? Then try to pray and meditate and well, wow. I still want to call! Okay, really leave it up to your higher power and maybe, just maybe, they will run his license anyway???

I feel your pain and anger here. I'd leave it up to that higher power. I dunno.

Hugs & love to you,
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Old 06-16-2012, 11:06 AM
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Oh yes, I have been there, just about two days ago, I was very angry, which someone very wise told me that , it's better than being in fetal position, just needs to be directed in a healthy way.

It's so painful, isn't it???

xo
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Old 06-16-2012, 12:00 PM
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In our state, when someone requires an interlock, their licenses are stamped with a big red R for restricted. No way they could rent with that.
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Old 06-16-2012, 12:39 PM
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Originally Posted by angrywife View Post
In our state, when someone requires an interlock, their licenses are stamped with a big red R for restricted. No way they could rent with that.
Well, he has a facially valid license that he acquired from the DMV before he was actually convicted. So, he's on a work permit now and will get the R restricted license later but he still has his 'new' copy that he can show for ID and to rent a car. They would never know because technically, it's valid just by a visual inspection.
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Old 06-16-2012, 02:10 PM
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Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post
liz...how would you complete this statement....when HE makes plans to rent a car on a restricted license....I FEEL................................
I feel p*ssed off. That about sums it up right now, LOL! He's going to do what he's going to do, doesn't mean that I like it, right?
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Old 06-16-2012, 02:15 PM
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Yeah, it's not right! It's just that sense of entitlement. It would make me p'd off too!
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Old 06-16-2012, 02:56 PM
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Wow! This guy is a real trip, he has no regard for the law, I guess his ego tells him that he is above the law. He will fall, I hope he doesn't take you down with him.
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Old 06-16-2012, 03:21 PM
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Originally Posted by dollydo View Post
Wow! This guy is a real trip, he has no regard for the law, I guess his ego tells him that he is above the law. He will fall, I hope he doesn't take you down with him.
Yes, he's mr super ego, his head can't fit through the doorways these days. You know what's sad? He'll tell you that he's doing all this in an effort to save his job and to protect his family from financial ruin. He says he's doing it for us because we rely on his income. His company still doesn't know about the DUI. I'm hoping that if he gets turned down for the rental car, that he will just take taxis to visit customers.

I'm honestly surprised that he's never had any altercations with the law all his life. And, his dad was a Baltimore city police officer for 25 years.

Did I ever tell you guys about his altercation with a bounty hunter back in November? Oh geez, he gets really ticked when people double park in front of grocery stores and stuff. I guess he got aggressive behind the wheel and shared a few words with a guy who was double parked. My AH went into the store and the guy in the lot took down AH's plate number and illegally used his bounty hunter system to find out where we lived and he left his calling card on our front porch that night. I woke up at 6 AM to find 2 police officers in my kitchen where my AH was giving a statement about what happened. I had nightmares for weeks that this guy was going to come back and retaliate.
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Old 06-16-2012, 03:23 PM
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Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post
it's deeper than that....but pissed off is perfectly ok!
Am I being too nice again? LOL!
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Old 06-16-2012, 03:35 PM
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Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post
there is just flat out something "missing" from this guy's makeup....lack of empathy, inability to connect action with consequence. very creepy.

when's florida???
I know, and it all got out of control when he started on the antidepressants. He wasn't always this risky with his behavior. I mean, he was a bit of a jerk and a narcissist but the disregard for authority really wasn't there. I've read that antidepressants can lower inhibitions and impulse control and I sometimes think this may be related. But, since I'm no psychiatrist I can't really say.
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Old 06-16-2012, 06:04 PM
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Originally Posted by lizatola View Post
I have these twisted thoughts of retaliation and vindictiveness.
I went to an open AA meeting tonight. (felt the need to be in a room of people that understood being powerless over alcohol)

The guest speaker was sharing his story and he inserted this jewel of wisdom from his first sponsor:

"If you feel the need to get revenge for a wrong ~ try getting even with someone that paid you a kindness instead"

I sat in my chair and thought: Wow! That would certainly put an end to some of my *red-faced, steam shooting out of ears, fist waving* episodes.
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Old 06-16-2012, 06:23 PM
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He seems to enjoy violating the law. He is taking a risk. But depending on the state it probably wouldn't show up in the system.
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Old 06-16-2012, 06:24 PM
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Originally Posted by Pelican View Post
I went to an open AA meeting tonight. (felt the need to be in a room of people that understood being powerless over alcohol)

The guest speaker was sharing his story and he inserted this jewel of wisdom from his first sponsor:

"If you feel the need to get revenge for a wrong ~ try getting even with someone that paid you a kindness instead"

I sat in my chair and thought: Wow! That would certainly put an end to some of my *red-faced, steam shooting out of ears, fist waving* episodes.
Thank you for sharing. Yes, I did do someone a good turn today as I usually do most days. HOnestly, I had a great day today and I usually do. I'm actually a very happy person, not sure why God stuck me with AH. I must have some very important lessons to learn......or not?
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Old 06-17-2012, 12:57 PM
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I don't know if vindictive is the word to describe how I feel today. I think I'm just feeling really mean. Like last night I dreamed about busting my non-program working RAH's kneecaps with a bat and/or smothering him with a pillow. Obviously I'm spending my day reading CAL and SR posts.
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Old 06-17-2012, 01:03 PM
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Originally Posted by DestinyM View Post
I don't know if vindictive is the word to describe how I feel today. I think I'm just feeling really mean. Like last night I dreamed about busting my non-program working RAH's kneecaps with a bat and/or smothering him with a pillow. Obviously I'm spending my day reading CAL and SR posts.
Sorry but I had to chuckle when I read this because I feel the same way today, downright mean! I am also spending the day reading these boards and stickies trying to pull myself out of this rut that I have put myself in. Best wishes.
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Old 06-17-2012, 02:20 PM
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Nice to know I'm not alone. I still am not doing much better today. I have been reading, going to Al Anon meetings, I found a sponsor, and I'm trying to read and keep busy but I still can't shake the fact that I need to call the rental car company and turn him in! It's turned into a freaking obsession. Maybe I need a nap, LOL?
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Old 06-17-2012, 02:42 PM
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If your only reason for wanting to call the car rental company is to seek revenge, I wouldn't do it. You may regret it. The best revenge is a life well lived.
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Old 06-17-2012, 03:19 PM
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Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post
not sure why God stuck me with AH. I must have some very important lessons to learn......or not?

who says God had anything to do with this? who picked him? and who chooses to stay with him? this is not your cross to bear....this is your choice. and choice is very empowering cuz we then know we can make OTHER choices.....part of that free willy thing.......LOL
Yeah, yeah, yeah....I am sitting here nodding my head in agreement then running the other direction, LOL. You know, I'm researching jobs that I can do at home right now. I have actually thought about starting a pet sitting company for some side business. Our old dog may pass away soon and I have the perfect house for well-behaved dogs! Dog door, grassy park 2 houses down, open desert next to the house for chasing rabbits(well, on a leash wouldn't be fun, though, LOL), fake grass in the backyard (easy to clean), drip system is buried well, etc.

It's all a process. I wrote out a plan, I'm calling a lawyer this week to find out exactly what we're risking when he violates the parameters of his suspension/interlock, etc. I am also contacting a divorce attorney to get information about protecting myself financially. These are all the choices I am choosing to make this week, I gotta start somewhere!
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