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Surrounded by Codies

Old 04-12-2012, 08:14 AM
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Surrounded by Codies

I have, over the past couple of years, come a very long way recovering from my codependency.

Anyway, I am starting to feel surrounded by codies. Family members who are still codependent enablers. These are people that I can't and don't necessarily want to just shut out of my life, but each conversation drives me a little more batty! I can call about something TOTALLY off topic of the A, and the conversations are almost immediately hijacked and by the time I am off of the call I am annoyed and angry.

I have stated in the past that I don't want to talk about it, but somehow it always comes up. I guess I am the last link to the A, even if it is only because I am the mother of his children. It almost feels like a new kind of manipulation. I'm not really sure what to do about it. Just wanted to vent more than anything.

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Old 04-12-2012, 08:38 AM
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I get it. Hold your boundaries, continue to state you don't want to talk about. It finally, slowly, sinks in.

I may or may not have suggested they marry him themselves if they want to obsess about him and/or have a crack at making him who they think he should be. I divorced him, I'm done worrying/thinking/agonizing over the whole business and I certainly don't want to talk about him non-stop. My god. A divorce means I am free!!!

UN-acknowledged co-dependency is not a pleasant thing. She may have helped my recovery more then anything else. How would she react? What would she say right now? OK - I'll do the opposite, lol. I'm kind of being a wise azz but there is a lot of validity to that. I might not know what normal is but I know who I do and do not want to be more like. If I really pay attention that is helpful because I sort all the feedback through that filter before I respond to them personally and even other situations.
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Old 04-12-2012, 08:42 AM
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Some people don't seem to understand if we say something once. "I said I don't want to talk about it!" will probably work. Congrats on all your hard work.
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Old 04-12-2012, 08:59 AM
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I think most of us are surrounded by codies, in the loosest definition. The more I work on my recovery, the more I notice in others the same tendencies I am trying to change. I am practicing accepting what I can and ignoring the rest, while holding firm on boundaries to maintain my own serenity. It's a daily process! ; )
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Old 04-12-2012, 09:02 AM
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Stand your ground! The moment the topic of conversation is your XAH, End the call. After a few times of "hey, I have to go, nice talking with you" they will get the message. Do not tolerate or allow others to dump on you. You have come to far.
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