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In Shock

Old 01-02-2012, 08:38 PM
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In Shock

My RABF is doing ok. I've been doing Great!!!

Until today.

I'm in total shock and my heart is broken for my son and everyone else on my ex-inlaws' side of the family. We've all been so close. And now...

I just found out my ex, my son's bio-dad, is involved very heavily in illegal drug dealing and is most likely addicted to crystal meth. I didn't even know what that substance was or did to a person until today. He was arrested for assault and for possession of marijuana in excess of 1 lb. yesterday.

My son and I have been very close to my ex's sister. My sister-in-law (that's what I call her, even though technically the 'in-law' part is no longer accurate) is my son's favorite aunt ever. She's been a wonderful sister, friend, aunt, etc. We have spent a lot of time at her house and playing with all her children. I have had an open-door policy there for the past year or so.

Until now. By my choice (well, at least that's what I'm thinking right now). I found out my ex also has had an open door policy and my sister-in-law facilitated his release from jail on these latest charges. He's out, free, and has access to her house.

My emotions are all over the place today. My wonderful peace has been rocked.

Any words of wisdom, thoughts, or helping me get my mind together would be so appreciated.

Thank you.
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Old 01-02-2012, 08:49 PM
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Gosh, I am sorry to hear that skippernlilg. Wish I had some words of wisdom to offer, all we can do at times like these is adjust our sails, and navigate towards calmer waters.......

When unwelcome news, such as yours, finds me, I always try to remember that the knowing the truth is better than living a lie. Everything happens for a reason, my friend.

Sending you a hug. Take care and may the New Year bring you peace.
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Old 01-02-2012, 09:07 PM
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So sorry for you troubles. I'm in the same spot. My alcoholic nephew (hubby's side of the family) tackled my 22yo daughter on November 3rd while totally wasted. Broke her collar bone, surgery with titanium plate and 4 screws and another surgery in 6 months. She hasn't been able to work in 2 months and has had ALOT of pain... and that side of the family have not spoken to us since. Not even to check on my daughter. My daughter the victim and they are MIA! It hurts, but I've learned that God some times removes people from your life for your protections - think before running after them.

All I can say it I'm still really working on letting it all go. Lots of Praying going on here!!!

And I'll pray for peace for you.
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Old 01-03-2012, 03:36 AM
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I wish I had some words of wisdom, meth is so destructive, I have seen people in my life lose absolutely everything because of its hold on them.

My only suggestion would be to get your son into counseling, be honest with him, let him talk, and hug him often.

Big hugs to you and your son.

I will say a prayer for you both.

Bill
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Old 01-03-2012, 03:44 AM
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((skippernlilg)) Wow, I'm soooo sorry to hear about your ex. That sort of news would hit anyone like a hammer.

I don't know the age of your son, but can you have your SIL come and visit you and your son at your place instead of letting him go there and potentially come in contact with a now admittedly active addict (even if it is his father)?

Many hugs and prayers, HG
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Old 01-03-2012, 10:56 AM
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Skipper, I have no experience to share on this. ((((hugs))))

Your friend,
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Old 01-03-2012, 09:04 PM
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Sending hugs, Skippernlilg. Wishing you continued strength and a measure of peace during this difficult time.
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Old 01-04-2012, 04:54 PM
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Originally Posted by hydrogirl View Post
((skippernlilg)) Wow, I'm soooo sorry to hear about your ex. That sort of news would hit anyone like a hammer.

I don't know the age of your son, but can you have your SIL come and visit you and your son at your place instead of letting him go there and potentially come in contact with a now admittedly active addict (even if it is his father)?

Many hugs and prayers, HG
Oh yes, Hydrogirl. I let my SIL know that we are right here and ready and willing to continue family activities, just over at my house for the time being. I told her "until things settle down". My thought (hope) is that he will have to be in jail for this, if he even shows up to court.

We're used to being over at her house, mainly because she has more kids (I have 3 nephews and one on the way!) and more room and it's easier for us two to go over there than her hauling her whole family over to my house.

But yes, I have not broken ties with the family at all. And I'm not trying to judge her actions in helping her brother, but I am watching out for our safety. That guy already hates me!
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Old 01-04-2012, 04:55 PM
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Originally Posted by m1k3 View Post
Skipper, I have no experience to share on this. ((((hugs))))

Your friend,
Thanks Mike...I wish I didn't have this experience!! I'm calmer today though. Thank you!
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Old 01-04-2012, 04:58 PM
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Originally Posted by jds0401 View Post
((skipper)) I'm so sorry to hear this...I wish I had better ESH to share.

The only experience I have with meth is a friend of mine is over 10 years in recovery from it and doing well...on the flip side she has several health issues (emotional and physical) that she tells me she will likely never fully recover from due to the severity of this particular drug...but she is sober and pretty happy sober. Just thought I'd share a success story.
Wow! Like I said, I had no idea how ugly this particular drug is until I'd heard that he's likely doing it. I will continue to pray for him. It explains a lot, though. He hadn't had contact with us at all for over 5 years. He had seen my son (his own son) a few months ago, and acted like he didn't know him. I think my ex was probably high or something since my son is his exact double. (in looks, not actions!)

Thank you for sharing such a success story. I'll always have hope.
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Old 01-04-2012, 05:01 PM
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I am sorry, addiction affects everyone it touches...and the legacy can be passed on from generation to generation....and...that is disturbing at best.

Keep posting, keep reading other posts, we are here for you.
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