jackthedog

It has been a while since I posted, but I need some advice. My exAH and I have been separated for 8 months. We have a 13 year old son, who we share parenting with. My exAH asked me if he could grow marijuana in our basement last August and that started the realization that not only did he have a problem with alcohol, but mj too. Today when I went to pick up my son and his two friends, also 13 from my exAH's house I drove further back in the driveway and saw some tomato plants and other plants that looked like marijuana so I quickly got out of the car and took a picture of the two plants that are marijuana, with my cell phone. I backed up and the three boys came out unaware of what I did. I went back around 1:10pm with my camera to take more pics and he was home so I just drove on by. He owns his own company and I have signed for loans for the company. I am making an appointment for my counselor and a lawyer today. Any advice would be helpful.......so scared, pissed, and every other feeling there is!!!!

transformyself

If you can get out of the loans quickly, without turning him in, that would be best.

I'm sure you'll get advice to turn him into the police. If you hate him and want to punish him that's a good way, but otherwise, entanglements with the criminal justice system are far worse than addiction.

I would separate all finances, everything, because if you or someone else snitches, you can have all of your property forfeited. Asset forfeiture is set up to feed enforcing the Controlled Substances Act, so police are eager to steal what they can. It's their paycheck.

The worst part is, depending on what state you live in, you don't need to be convicted of a crime before drug task forces can legally kick in your door, shoot your dog and do their smash and grab and take possession of all of your stuff. ESPECIALLY with growing marijuana because the minimum sentencing guidelines are so strict. Two plants outside will suffice for a warrant. You may want to pull them up and destroy them, but DON'T throw them into the garbage.

jackthedog

thanks! they are not at my house, they are at the house he is renting while we are separated.

m1k3

What I would do is call a lawyer NOW. Other than that I don't have a clue on what I would do next.

jackthedog

I am meeting with a lawyer tomorrow. When the lawyer called me he said it is a felony. I am worried about my son and today when I went to see my counselor she said this could impact how much time my AH gets to see my son. I prayed on Sunday to God to help me decide if I should meet with AH this week to see where we would be going from here (this was before I saw the plants) so I guess this new development has helped me realize the answer, now I don't want to see AH or reconcile. He has put my son in a dangerous situation. I would love to send pics to his family, or go over to his house and start in on him, but I know this will only make things worse, so I am going to give it to God to take care of. I pray he does get caught, not when my son is around and that it helps AH see what he is doing to himself and his family, but with an addiction, even a felony may not help him realize this. It is so sad, but I do feel lighter, free, happy that I have made a decision to cease the marriage and all ties from him, aside from our son of course who I would do almost anything for. Any suggestions anyone??

jackthedog

I am going ahead with a clean break, but even two plants is illegal in our state and he is breaking the law.......somehow I need to ensure that the plants are removed from the backyard, but how?

jackthedog

Last year his friend was growing them and when we were over at their house my AH was pointing out to me the difference between male and female plants and AH seemed to know alot about them, specifically saying how and when you can tell if the plant is male or female, etc. I am a science teacher and my AH thought it would convince me that he should grow them at our house too! Of course he didn't convince me. Yes I may be upset about it, with good reason, I have a 13 year old (14 on Saturday) who's friends spend the night at AH's house, it is a felony to cultivate it in our city and I don't want my son seeing cops at his dad's house and all that goes along with that. If I yank them up he will just grow them again, I know this all seems useless, but his family has no idea and maybe they should know, but that would only get him mad at me, and cause trouble for our son.

jackthedog

Yes, I agree, but yes this is the real issue, he has a problem with alcohol and has been smoking pot he told me just a year or so ago, that he has always.......and before he and I decided he should move out there were three 16oz. containers of marijuana ready to smoke in our garage, which he lied to me about.

Thank you for your suggestions, sorry if I seem defensive, I am still angry and numb at the same time.

LexieCat

I once thought, many years ago, that we had a marijuana plant growing in the back yard (ex was sober many years in AA, so he wasn't about to be growing dope). I took the leaves into my office (law-enforcement type), and nobody could figure out whether it was or wasn't.

In the end, it turned out to be a variety of Japanese maple (seedling), but darned if those didn't look like mj leaves.

A few months later, there was a story in the paper about some guy who had people sawing off actual BRANCHES of a BIG version of this tree, in the apparent belief it was what its leaves looked like (though how anyone can think mj grows to be ten feet tall is beyond me).

Sorry for the digression. I agree with anvil--it ain't good, but it isn't like having a meth lab in your kitchen. OR a serious "grow" operation. You can insist he get rid of them, but what's to keep him from repotting the pot? And just moving it into a sunny window?

Cyranoak

You don't need to ensure a damn thing. It's his decision and they are his consequences if he's caught. All you need to do is what you believe is best for you and your son. That's it.

I encourage you to limit any conversation or actions about the plants to your son's well-being, and if they are to be removed based on what's best for your son that they be removed by your husband and the law.

Take what you want and leave the rest.

Cyranoak

jackthedog

"I encourage you to limit any conversation or actions about the plants to your son's well-being, and if they are to be removed based on what's best for your son that they be removed by your husband and the law."

Cyranoak can you explain more about what you said above? Sorry my head is spinning....I am not planning to remove the plants myself, after my appointment with the lawyer I am going to see what he says and decide what to do. So are you saying I should just let my husband get caught if someone else snitches on him and let it go hoping my son is not around when it does? Thanks for your words of wisdom, even if I am confused.....

LexieCat

How likely is it, realistically, that someone is going to spot those plants? How likely is it that, having spotted them, they would go to the trouble of calling the police? And how likely is it, that in the event the aforetomentioned events BOTH occurred, that your son would happen to be in the vicinity when the police paid a visit?

I kinda think you are awfulizing.

jackthedog

ok, I understand and I somewhat agree, I was just raised to believe that marijuana was bad and to grow it at home would mean you would go to jail and I was raised to be a "good girl" by a marine, so this is who I am. I teach at a Catholic school and I try to follow the law, so I guess I need to settle down a bit. I didn't know much about it until this week, about how little trouble you get into, but........morally I believe it is wrong and it is not how I want my to live, I am not saying he won't be around it somewhere else or be exposed to it if he hasn't already, I am not that naive, but I think as a parent I should do what I can to give him a safe environment to grow up in.
It is interesting to me how much I want to get my husband into trouble, as if that would solve anything or make me feel better, it's like I think his family doesn't believe me and if he were arrested they would believe me. I guess it is just human nature, or a product of the media to want to hurt someone who has hurt you so bad. I know it is up to God to take care of things and I need to just let go.

LexieCat

Oh, sure, I understand all those feelings (including the wanting to see him get HIS). And I'm certainly not trying to justify growing illegal plants in the yard, or trying to make it sound like it's OK. It isn't. It's illegal, and wrong (by virtue of its illegality). I'm at least as much of a straight-arrow as you are.

I'm just talking in terms of the likelihood of actual harm coming to your son as a result of a couple of plants in the back yard. If you want to tell him how much it bothers you, go ahead. If it feels right to you to chat with your son about it and reinforce that you don't agree with it, that's your decision, too. I just don't want to see you going off the emotional deep end about something that probably won't ever amount to anything.

jackthedog

Thank you I needed that. I have uncovered through this process that I can be at times a reactionary. Plus I was sheltered as a child/young adult. So my perception is different from most I am sure. Who knows the likelihood of all of this happening? Chances are AH would never get caught, son wouldn't be there....that is what I hope and pray for.