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Old 04-20-2011, 10:59 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Cyranoak View Post
I lost two very good jobs because of my inability to deal with wife's alcoholism in any kind of healthy way, and from disengaging from work to deal with alcohol-related ****. Not only was I not at work often, but when I was physically there I was unable to perform.

I became such a bad employee that both companies were ultimately forced to let me go. I can't believe they waited so long to fire me. I would have fired me much sooner.

I occasionally still have that problem, but less often. Let's see if I can keep this job for more than two years. Fingers crossed.

Cyranoak
Thanks for everyone who has shared their own stories-- it helps me feel a lot less alone and less ashamed.

Is it completely unhealthy to feel "relieved" that I am not alone in my job F up thanks to my inability to deal with H's alcoholism? Obviously it's not a good thing but I guess I was feeling ashamed and embarrassed and was truly worried that posting this would result in people saying no one had ever been through the same... A huge part of this disease (being the non-A) has been the shame and fear of talking about the toll it's had on me... Maybe if I had spoken up sooner a lot of things would've been different. At least I'm talking now- it's never too late!
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Old 04-20-2011, 11:09 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
Is it completely unhealthy to feel "relieved" that I am not alone in my job F up thanks to my inability to deal with H's alcoholism?
Nope, not at all. I think we find ourselves stuck in really unhealthy situations because we are afraid and embarassed of getting honest with ourselves and others. We compare our insides to their outsides and feel we don't measure up. It's a very self-defeating thing to do... and keeps us from being healthy. When we start getting honest, with ourselves, and talking to others TRUTHFULLY... then we step back into reality and, in almost every case for me, will be surprised that the reaction we get from others is care and compassion. I have yet to have a single person react to me with disgust... not one.


Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
Maybe if I had spoken up sooner a lot of things would've been different.
That internal dialogue has got to stop... NOW. You did the best you could with the tools you had at the time. You are where you are... now you have newer better tools... use them.
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Old 04-20-2011, 11:24 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy
Maybe if I had spoken up sooner a lot of things would've been different.
That internal dialogue has got to stop... NOW. You did the best you could with the tools you had at the time. You are where you are... now you have newer better tools... use them.
Oh, here's where tone I think gets lost on email... I was saying it more in the vein of "might've been better to do x, but it's in the past and I can't change that now so all I can do is start doing X now and that's what I plan to do..."

I know that I have done lots of "I could've, should've, would've done x y z" so I can see how it would be read that way but this time I actually wasn't thinking/feeling or intending it to come across that way!

I agree-- my self defeating internal dialogue DOES need to stop!
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