Feeling a bit overwhelmed

Old 04-04-2011, 08:25 PM
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Feeling a bit overwhelmed

Okay, I know I need to HALT - because I'm hungry, I haven't eaten at all today, I'm annoyed - my kids are acting crazy, I'm lonely - my AH or shall I say RAH is in rehab and I can't exactly talk to him and I'm tired - from working all day. But I need to at least vent and get some of this off my chest and outta me. My eldest daughter is staying with me. She's been here 3 weeks Sunday. She was locked up since Dec., caught up in a house raid with her BF where they ended up getting drug and animal cruelty charges. The police wrecked the house, which I own and left because I saw this coming and noone including my ACOA mother wouldn't listen to me about so I took my two youngest and got an apt. The house needs repair and no one can live there til its fixed. So now she's here. She's bipolar, has major anger issues and of course won't get treatment. She's been medication-resistant since her teenage years and she's now 22. She is acting really manic and talks way too fast and with my poor tired brain I feel like a computer with too much input. At least she's not smoking weed since she has to give a urinalysis weekly for pre-trial release.

Anyway, she comes in this evening and my youngest daughter, 18 is watching RuPaul's Drag Race, a show she loves and my eldest goes off on a tirade about how the world is being overrun by gay people and they need to go to another planet. Which then has my 18yr old in tears. Of course, the 22 yr old can't figure out what she's said to make her sister cry. I'm just trying to cook so I can eat. Then my 22yr old starts talking to me about the guys she's been meeting and talking to and how there all lames and clowns compared to her BF who is still locked up. My attitude why are you talking to other guys and creating what may invariably become drama once her BF is released, but you can't tell her that - she's got it under control. The same thing I heard about the drugs and the dogs around the house. Did I mention she had 4 wine coolers and actually thought nothing of it? Like that's normal activity for a Monday night.

I'm trying to stay detached in the midst of the chaos. I made an appt for a therapist for my 18yr old since she seems to be depressed or anxious or something. She graduated last June and can't seem to find the drive to go to school or work but is weighing over 200 lbs on a 5ft frame, sleeps most days and thinks having 600+ Facebook friends is great. My 22 yr old has been "trying" to fix up the house but since she lost her job with her legal problems she has to depend on her BF brothers for money. I refuse to spend a dime on it as like I said I warned her and my mother and told them I was washing my hands of the house last year when I left. My mother's name is on the house so let them figure this out.

I'm just trying to hold on to my sanity thru all this. Trying to prepare for the inevitable release of my RAH from rehab in the coming week and the issues I'm sure that will bring. The good thing about that is at least he's not coming here to live once released.

Thanks for letting me share.
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Old 04-04-2011, 09:58 PM
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You have a lot going on!


I'm sending you strength. That's all I have to offer.

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Old 04-04-2011, 11:02 PM
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**Hugs** Do you ever have a lot of chaos going on. I have no words of advice, but I do wanna say that I'm so sorry you have so much on your plate right now. Bless you. I hope your 22 year old agrees to seek help for her disorder and I also hope your 18 year old seeks therapy as well. Lots of Hugs!
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Old 04-04-2011, 11:04 PM
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Yeah. What Buffalo said.

I'm almost ducking here because I'm half expecting a cast iron pan to come flying when I ask this but I have to ask anyway:

How are you taking care of YOU in the middle of all of this? (((hugs))))
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Old 04-05-2011, 05:45 AM
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Thanks for all the hugs and words of strength. My 18 yr old is going to see a therapist on Thursday, she said she was making a list of the things she wants to talk about, so that's a good sign. I don't know about the 22 yr old, she's stubborn, but i told her I will listen and offer ES&H but will detach and she will ultimately face the consequences of her actions alone.

Taking care of me - hard one. I've only been in Al-Anon a little over 2 months and so far the program is helping me a lot mentally and emotionally but I still struggle with my physical care taking. I make sure I get lots of sleep and I don't have a car right now, so I walk and depend on mass transit, so that keeps me in shape. My biggest problem is eating. I tend to run all day, sometimes snacking, sometimes just drinking juice or soda. I thought about that yesterday as I sat as the bus stop feeling like death, I really have to focus because when I'm stressed my appetite is the first to go. It's been that way since I was a teen. I don't tend to notice until I'm starving, dizzy with a headache. A counselor once said it was due to my coping mechanism of disassociating in crisis/trauma situations. She explained that after years of disassociating you lose touch with the messages your body sends you about basic needs. SHe recommended taking time each day to stop and listen to what my body says. I did it for a while but fell off. I need to start again. Even though at 42 with 3 kids I have a killer size 9 body - LOL - but really, I know it's not healthy. I gotta eat more than my dinner at night.
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Old 04-05-2011, 07:28 AM
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Please think of not eating like this: it's the same as when an alcoholic drinks-- exactly the same. Drinking makes things worse for an alcoholic. Not eating makes things worse for us, and when you don't do it you are making things worse, not better, for you and everybody around you.

It may indulge the martyr in you, but it's really indulging the disease. It's just what I think when I read the many, many posts that include some form of I haven't slept, eaten, taken my medicine, etc. that I see here all the time.

If I'm wrong I'm wrong and I apologize. Take what you like and leave the rest.

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Old 04-05-2011, 08:29 AM
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Consider (on the weekend) buying a collection of healthy foods that you can carry with you. As a low blood sugared vegetarian, I have trained myself to bring food into the world with me (I don't leave home without it).
I usually have some fruit or dried fruit, nuts in some form, crackers or get the picture. Maybe just a good protein bar.
This doesn't replace normal meals, but if you are busy, sometimes normal meals can not be found.
This can help for the every once and awhile situations.

On another note, you have two over 18 girls at home.
Have you been looking at ways to set boundaries for you (and them) that will encourage them to get jobs and apartments?

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Old 04-05-2011, 10:50 AM
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Or perhaps they can help preparing fruit or sandwiches for you for when you are in-the-go? maybe you can take turns?

I also starve often. This is very very bad and dangerous. Thanks for reminding me to eat well! I read somewhere that eating a little every 4 hours or so is better than just one or two huge meals... and also, that its better to eat chips or junk food, than NOTHING at all, as an empty stomach is prone to ulcers... and I think my money can be better spent in something else, not medicines or doctors..

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Old 04-05-2011, 07:16 PM
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FindingPeace1 -

Thanks for the tips, I'm used to inhale trail mix in between meals - I love the stuff. Your post made me want to get some more. i did better today, I had some oatmeal after my coffee this morning. Ate some french fries a few hours later and then had 2 tuna fish sandwiches on wheat. Now I'm having dinner. One Day At A Time, right?

On another note, you have two over 18 girls at home. Have you been looking at ways to set boundaries for you (and them) that will encourage them to get jobs and apartments?

Yes I have, at least with my 18yo, everything I tried failed, that's why I'm hoping that some therapy may help her deal with what she's got repressed in her and thus blocking her motivation to get out the house and live. With my 22yo its different with her legal problems at bay. She still has to go to trial in May and although she's very optimistic, I'm a realist and even though she's innocent of charges, she is guilty by association and of bad decision making. There's always a chance she may not walk away from it with time served.

On a similar note, my untreated ACOA mother called today about my 22yo and was upset that I was allowing her to go out with her friends and talk to people on her cell phone since she's out on bail. When I told her that I can't control an adult - she was flabbergasted. When I told her that she was trying to get sane results from the insane mind of a 22yo untreated bipolar - she went into total denial. As I listened to her unveil the manipulative controlling plan of action that she felt I should take I was so glad I found Al Anon. Once upon a time I'd of tried it and ended up feeling very frustrated when I lost control.

My 22yo did come in this evening, obviously coming down off her manic high and wanted me to call the therapist to make an appt. I talked to her but made sure not to give ultimatums or make any statements that could be viewed as being controlling. I simply told her what I'd observed in her behavior, my experience with mental illness (I had a nervous breakdown in the late 90's and medicated until 2005 when my psychiatrist weaned me off and I've been functional since; I still go to therapy though) and our family history and told her she was too intelligent and beautiful to let it claim her life. I told her I would give her the therapist's number and SHE could call and make the appt.
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Old 04-05-2011, 08:41 PM
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I told her I would give her the therapist's number and SHE could call and make the appt.

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Old 04-05-2011, 08:48 PM
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Hugs to you DestinyM. Its a full time job living in chaos, and it is tiring!!

One thing that jumped out at me.. is accepting unacceptable behavior. It is entirely your right to have peace in your home. My kids (though they are much younger) know very clearly that I will not tolerate them yelling, fighting or instigating each other. Period. If they do so, there are consequences, no negotiations.

If the you don't like your 22yo drinking, don't accept it. "no drinking in the apartment. No coming home after drinking." just a thought... Bc her wines coolers seemed to irritate you.

Most times I am irritated or mad at someone its because my boundaries are being violated. It's up to me, and only me, to protect them.
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