It's like he wants to get caught

Old 03-22-2011, 05:56 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by nodaybut2day View Post
I dunno...I didn't see "judgment" in Suki's post. Perhaps a smidge of "throw your hands in the air frustration", but no judgment such as "you're a bad person for making the choices you're making". Perhaps, after being on SR for a certain amount of time, and after meeting so many new members facing the same problems, there does arise some frustration in that we are not able to save anyone from making the same mistakes we have.Anyway, I'll stop speaking for someone else and be quiet.
Funny you should say that.

I have said to my daughter time and again "Learn from my mistakes."

Since entering alanon, I have had to come to terms with the fact that she simply cannot do that.

She is who she is and has to learn on her own. No amount of experience I have is about to change that. Period.

It truly was a struggle to let go of that hope.

Live (your own life) and learn, isn't that what they say?

If we could learn from everyone elses mistakes, I would be on that train today!:rotfxko

Btw...please speak up, I enjoy a good joust! This is the way we learn.
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Old 03-22-2011, 05:58 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Like I said, I just get where Suki is coming from. No right or wrong about it.

Now I shut up.
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Old 03-22-2011, 09:24 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Seems we've digressed from the OP (Original Post)
But I see, where we're all coming from.

We want to help. We don't like it when we're ignored because we know better. We'd like to see an outcome we projected. It's exactly what we do to our As and it's called Codependency.

I suspect this applies to more than just me but these threads trigger me every single time. Why? My answer is the same as what you have.

I have more work to do on recovering from my codependent behavior.

XXXXX, I'm referencing some concepts you can read about in Mellody Beattie's book, Codependent No More.
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Old 03-22-2011, 09:36 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I agree with many of the posters here and your husband sounds no different than mine. When he would start on the recovery path, he would try everything in the book to *poorly* hide what he was up to. Ooooh, I could tell you some Stories! But I'll repeat was some people said here. He is an addict. Accept him for what he is. He truly HAS NO CONTROL over his situation. He Will lie. The sooner you are able to accept him, the less angry you will be. Think of him however you want to to understand this. A kid, a zombie, a virus - I've used all of these analogies. Also know that the drinking man and the sober man ARE THE SAME PERSON. There is no *good husband/bad husband*, just addict husband. You also need to come to your realizations in your own time.
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Old 03-22-2011, 09:38 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Forgive us for we are co-dependent and we like to tell others what to do :rotfxko and we "throw our hands up in the air" when we try to tell someone here what to do and they don't immediately do it. It has happened to me, it has happened who come here. We all have the right to put someone who gets under our skin on our 'ignore' list!

What Suki said is probably correct about his lame attempts at hiding his drinking.....he just doesn't want to be nagged. Perhaps the best thing you can do is live your life to the best of your ability regardless of what he decides to do with his. When you take your focus off of him and back on to yourself, amazing things can begin to happen!!

Keep reading, keep asking questions, keep learning about this disease of addiction.

Hugs and prayers, HG
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