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Calming Down Now...

Old 02-14-2011, 06:16 PM
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Calming Down Now...

I had a wonderful Valentine's Day at work, I went to a special presentation about Portuguese Love Stories/Legends during lunch, one of the guys upstairs that I help a lot brought me a cupcake his wife made, everything felt so calm and peaceful, and it was great.

I got gas on the way home from work, and decided I'd have a simple dinner of the tomato soup my neighbor brought me, and some spaghetti. I couldn't wait to be home.

I pull into my parking lot, and his car was there.
I know it was his, the first three letters on the license plate were what I remembered, and it had all the dents and dings in the back just like I remembered.

I continued past his car, turned around in the lot, and passed by it again on the way out (the way the lot is set up, I couldn't avoid that). This time the lights were on, the car was on, he was in the car.

I left, I was going to drive to PetSmart to buy a nametag for Peaches, but there was a car that looked just like his driving behind me. It pulled into the left lane and looked like it was trying to stay out of sight and see who the driver of my car was all at the same time, so I turned right without a turn signal and I lost it.

I am not sure if that car was his, but my gut feeling is that yes, it was.

I got in touch with my friend from Al-Anon, she convinced me to drive to her house (it's two blocks from where he lives, but on a different street, and he doesn't know about her, plus I wouldn't be alone - and near his house would be the last place he'd look for me). She convinced me to call the psychologist at work, who at first said I should send him an email saying not to try and contact me, but later agreed that he'd call XABF down to his office tomorrow and tell him not to come near me. My Al-Anon friend said this was good, because now there'd be another "witness" to the fact he was there, plus right now I want to give him one more shot before I call the police.

I am so grateful that I bought a new car, because he can't recognize it, otherwise I am certain he would have actively stalked me car. I am also grateful that the repairs they did to his car did not fix any of the back half, so that I could recognize the car before I parked.

I am finally home again (my friend drove up his communal driveway to see if his car was still there, I described it and the dents, and she confirmed he was home). I got some KFC on the way - it is way too late and I am too stressed to cook right now. So much for eating healthy today.

I am okay. The deadbolt is locked. My car is on the opposite side of the building. I will be extremely cautious going out to my car tomorrow morning before work, as well.

It's just that now that I'm safe, my mind is starting to process what just happened, and I need to calm down before I go to bed.

I should have expected today would be the day. He has never been one to forget Valentine's Day.

Just when I was starting to enjoy the fact he was "respecting" my request/demand for no contact.

Thanks for letting me vent.
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Old 02-14-2011, 06:26 PM
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Please be careful and if you see him again, please, call the Police. No more chances!
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Old 02-14-2011, 06:28 PM
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Oh, Star, I am so sorry. That is so very unnerving! I had that happen to me one time and I also did a quick turn into a convience store and then pulled through the lot and made some get lost maneuvers. It had my heart panicked!

That crap is so not funny! and it isn't harmless. It made me feel very threatened!

It effected me later as I always was wary that perhaps I was being watched. Mine was the type to do that and did. You just don't feel safe and have a sense of peace if you never know when they are going to pop up or where.

I am glad that they are going to speak with him tomorrow. No doubt he thinks it was "nothing harmful or serious" but I know very well that it is.

I hope you will be able to calm down now that you are home and you know that work will address it tomorrow.

I am sorry that your dinner plans are ruined. Can you grab something quick and comforting and have the dinner you planned tomorrow? maybe take a bubble bath to relax the body?

Again, I am really sorry. I have forgotten alot of that relationship but I will never forget how it feels to be stalked.
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Old 02-14-2011, 06:41 PM
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Peaches has picked up on my mood and is doing her best to calm me down. Smart kitten!

I did snag Kentucky Fried Chicken tonight on the way home, not what I would have preferred, but it has turned into my comfort food as of late. (This thing with XABF had better not become a regular thing or I'm going to gain 100 pounds. )

It isn't harmless, it's scary. I was hoping he just stopped by to try and drop off chocolate or something, I'd rather feel manipulated than threatened.

I am going to eat the remaining half of the pudding pie I made this weekend, and head to bed. I am trying not to stay up late tonight, I want to get to work extra early tomorrow (so there's no chance he'll be hanging around the apartment when I go out to my car).

No bubble bath for me until they fix the drain in the tub. I did give permission to enter while I was away, but apparently the office didn't tell the repair guy, because he left a note on my door. Hopefully tomorrow night?
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Old 02-14-2011, 06:46 PM
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Oh, yeah, you said that about the KFC, I really like it too!

Great thinking to go into work early and doge a possible problem!

Hope tomorrow goes smoothly and they fix your drain.

Sweet dreams!
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Old 02-14-2011, 07:42 PM
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(((star))) hope you get a good night's rest. That is scary and I am glad you had a friend from alanon available for support. And of course remind yourself that any normal person would not expect anything for Val Day if you weren't having any contact.
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Old 02-15-2011, 06:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Kassie2 View Post
And of course remind yourself that any normal person would not expect anything for Val Day if you weren't having any contact.
You are right, of course.

Sometimes I feel too much like it's "my job" to guess what he will do next, so that I can react appropriately.

But that's not my job, when it comes to this.

My job is to be myself, and to be careful.
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Old 02-15-2011, 08:25 AM
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I hope your drive in was uneventful and your morning has been a peaceful NC morning!

Hugs, HG
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Old 02-15-2011, 08:40 AM
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I haven't spotted him since then, and he hasn't attempted to contact me in any way that I would notice, so yes. It is much quieter - thank you!

I do have to deal with some of my fears now as I go about the part of my "routine" that he would know about. I have been parking in different places than usual, but my desk at work is pretty close to where it used to be, and my apartment is the same as it's been, so it's just entering or leaving either, I am more cautious now.
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Old 02-15-2011, 09:09 AM
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Thanks for checking in...I was a little apprehensive about today.
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Old 02-15-2011, 10:52 AM
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Grrrrrrrrrrr!!! Give me his number....I'LL HAVE A LITTLE CHAT with him.
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Old 02-15-2011, 11:05 AM
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Originally Posted by tjp613 View Post
Grrrrrrrrrrr!!! Give me his number....I'LL HAVE A LITTLE CHAT with him.


and join me on the dark side!

my plan was a little more recon secret ops kinda thing.
like be waiting if he comes by again,
and uh, shoot him.
with a paint gun!!!!!
then call the police and say,
"he has fucshia paint all over him you cant miss him"

:day6

Now, for me, that would be a lovely Valentines Day!
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Old 02-15-2011, 11:07 AM
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Oh yeah. I am so there.
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Old 02-15-2011, 11:11 AM
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wicked, tjp, thank you so much!

Now everyone at work is looking at me like crazy because I am laughing so hard!



You guys are THE BEST
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Old 02-15-2011, 12:04 PM
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Starcat, it sounds like you know how to keep your eyes open and change your routine. It sounds like you are paying attention to your surroundings.

I assume you have a restraining order and will call the police if he's in your parking lot again.

Thanks for posting. I've found your story very interesting and I've learned a few things from you. Geeze.

Yesterday, I had house painters here. I looked out the window and there was my husband in a beery doze. I had a thought run through my head, today would be a good day for him to just pass out in his chair and stay that way forever. The painters are here. They'd know I didn't do anything to him.
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Old 02-15-2011, 12:11 PM
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I swear there are alot of guys who just do not get how creepy stalking is!

I have been tempted to send a copy of the state statutes to more than one of them!

Beth, I LOVE the way you think!
I am with you too..TJP..I could think of a few words. felony comes first.
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Old 02-15-2011, 01:02 PM
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Beth, I LOVE the way you think!
I am with you too..TJP..I could think of a few words. felony comes first
<snicker>
oh for sure, get the paper work first, he is not allowed.
then, what's a little paintball game between a few middle aged ladies?
we couldnt be looking to hurt nobody!
bwahahahahaha
i am loving this more and more.
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Old 02-15-2011, 01:03 PM
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The painters are here. They'd know I didn't do anything to him.
Oh verbena, I finally got it!
yeah, you got witnesses you didnt do nothing!
hehehehe

beth
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Old 02-15-2011, 01:51 PM
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:uzi2:

Road trip!!!
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Old 02-15-2011, 02:11 PM
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You guys make me feel so great. I love the bus!

I am looking forward to the fun.

On a more serious note - no restraining order.
I am trying to avoid doing anything that would involve the courts just yet.
If he tries again, though, absolutely! I am calling the police, and doing everything I can to protect myself.
Another reason I did not want to email him myself - if I need to get a restraining order, I do not want the court to say "But you've been sending him emails."

In the meantime, I am documenting everything.
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