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Asking husband to leave the house.....

Old 02-09-2011, 01:36 PM
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Asking husband to leave the house.....

I've decided to divorce my AH. I'm really having a hard time just facing him each day. Each day brings a new and twisted pain.

My question is, can I legally ask him to leave the house and live on his own as long as he can afford it? He's already told me he wants me to stay in the house and that he will pay the mortgage. But, can I ask him to leave before any court proceedings or anything legal is done?

I ask, because someone in my church was divorcing. Their wife moved out with their kids and from my understanding the court made her move back in with her husband one week later. Don't want that happening.
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Old 02-09-2011, 01:47 PM
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You need to consult a lawyer about this, because every state/province has different laws. I've heard of mothers applying for the exclusive temporary use of the family home, in case of abuse or addiction, which effectively prevented their spouse from coming him. They then initiated divorce proceedings and custody proceedings at once.

The issue may be that your AH's name is on the mortgage, in which case, he has the right to be in the house, should he cease to be so benevolent and decide to return. I can't remember if you have children or not...
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Old 02-09-2011, 01:49 PM
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Hi Chelle,

The forum prohibits giving legal advice, but I will tell you the best decision I made when I decided to divorce was to get a lawyer even though I didn't have the money. I begged and borrowed to get it, and worked out payments with my attorney.

It was worth every penny, and would have been worth ten times that.

Others will be along to chime in shortly, but please remember to vet everything you hear here with an attorney if it even smells of being legal advice.

Take what you want and leave the rest.

Good luck. I know this is hard. For me, as painful as it was for all of us, in retrospect it turned out to be a pivotal and positive moment for my wife, my daughter, and me. No guarantees, of course. Divorce doesn't solve all the problems, but it can give you the start and/or freedom you need to do just that.

Cyranoak
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Old 02-09-2011, 02:26 PM
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You should check with your county, some states/counties have free or extremely low cost representation for this kind of thing. I live in Wisconsin, it's called Judicare here. You should check it out........
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Old 02-09-2011, 02:31 PM
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Consult an attorney in your area before you do anything. Always protect your rights. Ignorance is not a defense in any court of law.

Peace,
Jen
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Old 02-09-2011, 02:33 PM
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AlabamaLegalHelp.org | A guide to free and low-cost legal aid, assistance & services in Alabama
FREE LEGAL AID Alabama
Legal Services Alabama : Welcome to LSA
AFLC
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Old 02-09-2011, 03:36 PM
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noday,
how do you do that so fast?
you are amazing. your little girl is so lucky.
i admire your strength and the help you provide everyday.
you are right there with the legal assistance when you live in canada.
what a lovely, kind and caring person you are.
thank you for being here.

Beth
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Old 02-09-2011, 03:46 PM
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Wow, thanks for the links!! Husband wanted to do the divorce on our own without attorneys unless needed to draw up paperwork, but that left me a little uneasy. The AFLC option looks perfect for us.

Sorry to have asked a legal type ? I wan't aware that wasn't allowed.

I'm hoping he will cooperate so we can all have peace!!
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Old 02-09-2011, 03:49 PM
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Sorry to have asked a legal type ? I wan't aware that wasn't allowed.
It's OK Chelle. We talk about divorce, and options, on this site all the time. Keep sharing and asking about what others' experiences have been.
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Old 02-09-2011, 05:30 PM
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One of the few advantages of working for a law firm...is knowing where to get legal information quick...since lawyers always seem to be in such a hurry

Please get a legal consult (or two or three) before proceeding Chelle. I've seen too many people get screwed over because they didn't proceed with enough information under their belt. Contact the legal aid association and get the ball rolling (and don't be afraid to make a pest of yourself so your file doesn't get lost in a pile).
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Old 02-09-2011, 06:22 PM
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If you don't qualify for legal aid, you can still cut down on your legal costs if you are able to agree with your spouse on most issues. You can sit down together, write down everything you agree on, and then take it to the lawyer and ask him to draw up the correct paperwork to make sure that happens. A lawyer can only represent ONE of the parties to a divorce, but what my first husband and I did was to have his (less expensive) lawyer draft the agreement, have my (more expensive) lawyer review it and suggest any changes, and then we added the fees and split them in half. It was simple and cheap.
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Old 02-09-2011, 06:40 PM
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If you don't agree on the split of property you can also pay a mediator (cheaper than a lawyer) to help you hammer out those issues. The mediator draws up paperwork that the attorney can use for the motion and makes things much easier for them. Most attorneys have the names of several mediators that they will recommend.

In this way you can use ONE mediator and ONE attorney to get all the work done. It should be relatively cheap to do.
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Old 02-09-2011, 07:01 PM
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A lawyer will certainly answer the question.

But the question you asked was, CAN you ask him to move out. Certainly. You probably can't FORCE him out, as it is his home too. But if you ask and he leaves of his own choosing, you win. You have nothing to loose. So ask.

Good for you. I'm sending some good thoughts your way. I'm confident it will all work out in the end. It will be difficult yes. Anything worth doing usually takes some effort. And often the most difficult paths we take make us stronger, smarter, and better in the long run.

Hang tough!
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Old 02-09-2011, 07:50 PM
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Cool

Hey Chelle3 ---

I see that you've already gotten a plethora of information regarding your up 'n coming divorce; it's good that you and your spouse seem to be on the same page, at least for now (and hopefully throughout).

I just have one last suggestion of where you may possibly find some good legal advice for a resonable fee, if not actually free. In the past I've seen many law schools that use their final year students in 'legal clinics' (mostly Family Law-----just what you need) ---- not to worry, there's always (passed the bar) attorneys there.

These 'clinics' are just like some dental schools that have clinics for their seniors to get some actual experience.....and, of course, all the work is closely supervised.

Now, I've never had the need for a law school's free clinic, but, in early recovery, I had a 'lot' of work done in dental schools (20-25 years of drinkin' 'n druggin' really isn't best for one's dental hygiene). .......and I am here to tell you that even if they're only half as good as they were 25 years ago, well then..............it'd be cheap at half the price.................LOLOL


(o:
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Old 02-10-2011, 09:49 AM
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You can ask legal questions all you want. That's allowed. What isn't allowed if for people to post back with legal advice, or to tell you what to do. For an example of how this is handled properly in this forum simply look at noday's posts, though most of the posts in this thread handle it well also.

That's why nobody answered the "can I force him out" question directly. In my state it's very hard to force somebody out of a house if they are legally living there, even when they don't have ownership. It can take 30 days or longer. It vary's depending on where you live.

Cyranoak
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Old 02-10-2011, 10:34 AM
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One other topic I would like to gently approach here too is to be cautious when approaching your AH about this subject.

In my experience I have heard several women share their spouses became unreasonable when they tried to talk to them about leaving.

Just throwing out a few suggestions ~ if you have children - maybe try to talk about it when the kids aren't home; let a trusted friend no ahead of time that y'all are going to discuss this - allot a certain amount of time, if that friend hasn't talked to you in that time frame - have her call to make sure you are ok? (set up a code ahead of time); position yourself where you can exit the home if you need to, have your purse, keys & cell phone easily accessable.

I know to some this may seem to be over reacting - but we have all seen stories of the calmest people reacting violently to shocking news.

From my perspective - it's better to be safe and take precautions than to be sorry.

Wishing you the best,
PINK HUGS,
Rita
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