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And One Step Back

Old 01-24-2011, 02:44 PM
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And One Step Back

I have been happily packing all of XABF's things to send to his house and remove from my own apartment. I have a moving truck set up to arrive at my house 9am tomorrow morning (they gave me a great rate) to move everything, so I don't even have to be there.

Under the advice of my psychologist, I did not inform XABF until today, because it would allow him too much time to brainstorm a "solution" to make the move harder. I also did not include the mover's phone number, forcing him to go through me, because I was afraid he might call them to cancel my truck.

I emailed him a small notice informing him that I would be sending his things over and the approximate time the truck would arrive. This afternoon, he sent me this back:

Please toss anything you do not want.
You have my permission to get rid of anything
you do not want
He addressed it to my full name (first and last), and did not sign his name at the end at all.

He does not realize how many of his things (including valuable things - he has a massive Franklin Mint collection worth about $15k-$25k, all boxed up and ready to go) I am sending back to him, and I am thoroughly convinced he believes it is simply his shirts, shoes, and tuxedo that I will be sending. Many of these things are also personal in nature to him, including multiple Christmas presents through the years from his children, and I do not want to throw them out.

So I am not sure what to do.

I am thinking I will have the truck arrive at his house anyway, and if delivery is refused, have them take it to the Salvation Army next to their headquarters and have the Salvation Army fill out one of those tax forms and mail it to XABF for next year's taxes. (The moving company is on great terms with Salvation Army, and is always bringing back furniture people did not want to move to donate in their name, free of charge.)

I wanted to check in here first, though, and see if you had any thoughts... I will not keep his stuff, I would feel bad throwing it out, and I honestly think he's cutting off his own nose to spite his face and make me feel bad, so whatever happens, his stuff is leaving tomorrow.
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Old 01-24-2011, 02:52 PM
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I am thinking I will have the truck arrive at his house anyway, and if delivery is refused, have them take it to the Salvation Army next to their headquarters and have the Salvation Army fill out one of those tax forms and mail it to XABF for next year's taxes.
Excellent plan. That way his 'things' (all of them) are out of your place. IF he chooses not to accept them, oh well.

Good for you in moving ahead like this!

Love and hugs,
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Old 01-24-2011, 03:06 PM
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I would have his thing delivered to him as planned. If he refuses, then to Salvation Army. I think it is just a ploy. Throw away whatever you don't want? Really? Very immature. Send him his stuff and be done with him.

PS Congrats on doing this! You are my hero!!!
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Old 01-24-2011, 03:10 PM
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I'll give you $20 bucks, cash money, right now for the Franklin Mint stuff. J/K

If it were me I'd instruct the moving co to take the stuff to their warehouse and store it, on the boyfriends nickel, if he's not available. That way he can't come back on you, something fishy about NOT putting his name on his email instructions. Then it's between bf and the moving/storage co.

Just like an ex to try and make things as difficult as possible.

BTW, nice work with the "either way, his stuff is leaving tomorrow".

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
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Old 01-24-2011, 03:13 PM
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I think you have a good plan there! He is just trying the last ditch effort.
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Old 01-24-2011, 03:22 PM
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Guess I"m odd man out. I said to do exactly as he instructed... and keep the email!
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Old 01-24-2011, 03:27 PM
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Originally Posted by coyote21 View Post
I'll give you $20 bucks, cash money, right now for the Franklin Mint stuff. J/K
Come and get it!

I have 12 of these (they only have 11):
Pre-Owned Franklin Mint Collector Dolls for Sale: Country Store Dolls Series

One full set of these (12 I think), but the painted version (including mirrored rack):
FRANKLIN MINT COUNTRY STORE SPOON COLLECTION at Replacements, Ltd

Full set of these (including rack with fake drawer):
FRANKLIN MINT COUNTRY STORE SPICE JAR at Replacements, Ltd

And a set of 25 coffee cups with similar country store patterns, also with rack.

Want them? *Grins*


Also, XABF is completely broke. I can't sign up for storage under his nickel, because he doesn't have any nickels. He can barely afford to pay the bills he has now, much less live his preferred spending-money lifestyle.

I have been resisting the urge to check his Amex card to see how much he has spent on liquor, too (I still have his passwords). It's tempting, upon occasion, but I'm proud of myself.
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Old 01-24-2011, 03:35 PM
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Leave it to an addict to be the victim in any scenario.

He's trying to put it all back on you to deal with so he can come back later and scream you kept things he wanted. How obvious, right?

He can be there and accept his things or refuse them. It's beautiful thing. It's all on him. His choices. His consequences.

You have the best mind set here! Keep up the good work!!
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Old 01-24-2011, 03:35 PM
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Originally Posted by tjp613 View Post
Guess I"m odd man out. I said to do exactly as he instructed... and keep the email!
And not message him back and get drawn into a debate.

Otherwise I know I would have answered back, "G, you don't know what I have boxed up, I'd really like you to take it back, etc, etc."

Thank you, all of you.
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Old 01-24-2011, 03:48 PM
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Originally Posted by ItsmeAlice View Post
Leave it to an addict to be the victim in any scenario.

He's trying to put it all back on you to deal with so he can come back later and scream you kept things he wanted. How obvious, right?

He can be there and accept his things or refuse them. It's beautiful thing. It's all on him. His choices. His consequences.
You have the best mind set here! Keep up the good work!!
Yeah, Alice has it right. And she's a smart cookie.

Write him back, tell him the truck will be there to deliver and that they are instructed to proceed to Salvation Army if there is no answer. -END-

Did you happen to make an inventory? Don't know that it's necessary since the stuff was in YOUR apartment.
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Old 01-24-2011, 03:53 PM
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Beautiful. Well done.
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Old 01-24-2011, 03:57 PM
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Originally Posted by tjp613 View Post
Did you happen to make an inventory? Don't know that it's necessary since the stuff was in YOUR apartment.
No, I didn't make an inventory.
I can give an approximation, though, and I know all the valuable things (including his tuxedo, and the Franklin Mint things).

I am going to send him an email, then head home for the day.

Thank you everyone for your help.


...I will be overjoyed when this is over.
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Old 01-24-2011, 04:04 PM
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I have a question can they leave it on the front doorstep of where he is living??? If you make sure you send another email stating that they will be there approximate time and are instructed to leave it.

Just a thought

and kudos to you
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Old 01-24-2011, 04:51 PM
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Sounds like an excellent plan, to me. Make sure you print out the emails WITH all of the headers (the lines that show how the email is routed through various servers)--you would need that if he ever claims you "faked" the emails.
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Old 01-24-2011, 06:52 PM
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I don't want to leave it on the front porch - it's tiny, he has a lung condition, and his mother has a heart condition. It would be easier to simply deliver it to charity if he won't take it.

Thank you for the suggestion for the printing, LexieCat. I had forgotten that.
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Old 01-24-2011, 07:08 PM
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Sounds like you are doing good. Way to refuse to be manipulated. Keep it up, but keep evidence too. Printing the email doesn't matter that much. Printed emails can be faked. You just need a record of it, so not only do you print the email, but you save the email. Do not, under any circumstances, delete the email.Take care,

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Old 01-24-2011, 07:21 PM
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You are doing a good job in how you arranged to pack and deliver. I am not as fussy about all the other stuff - I watched my AH walk away from many things and not care about it. He was never interested in keeping things that reminded him of a happier time. Besides you don't know if he was drinking when he sent it.

Just keep your focus on delivery and let go.
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Old 01-25-2011, 09:16 AM
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He took it!

Or rather, his mother did, but nonetheless, it all went to his house, not Salvation Army.

I signed all the donation paperwork, but I do feel better that his possessions are all back with him. Thanks everyone for your support... I stood my ground and he backed down, and I am so excited.

My apartment is mine and I am free!
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Old 01-25-2011, 09:20 AM
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Yay! I was hoping to ready that outcome today!
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Old 01-25-2011, 09:22 AM
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Woot!

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