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Old 01-23-2011, 11:54 PM
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new here, hello

Hi everyone. I just found this board and have been reading for awhile (in fact, I'm up way too late). I'm feeling slightly nauseous with the realization that none of what I've been going through for the past 4.5 years is really unique, and I'm amazed that I ever thought it was (I mean, everyone's experience is unique, but I just can't believe how similar some of these stories are to mine).
I guess I don't have the energy right now to tell my whole story, but I just wanted to say thanks for helping me realize that I'm not alone (I wish I would've realized years ago). My ABF had been sober for a couple of months, but just moved to another state to take a new job (he's finishing up his PhD and took a job related to his degree). Of course he didn't tell anyone in his new town that he's not drinking/has a drinking problem and so he's been drinking for the past week (I just found this out when I called him on Friday night). I flipped out, to put it mildly, and he has responded by seemingly coming to his senses (he's actually a really smart guy...sometimes) and going straight back to AA (he went to meetings when he originally sobered up, but stopped once I let him move back in with me and since he seemed to be doing so well I didn't push it. Big mistake.)
So he's been to 3 meetings over the weekend and is in the process of "coming out" to his roommate, co-workers, etc.
What I'm really struggling with at the moment is trust. I don't want to spend the rest of my life waiting for the other shoe to drop, and from what I gather that's what Al-anon is for, so I'm going to try a meeting tomorrow.
Right now I'm just not sure how I feel about a lot of things, but it's nice to know that others have been through this before. I look forward to learning from all of you.
Jen
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Old 01-24-2011, 12:22 AM
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Welcome to SR, Jols. I'm sorry for what brings you here, but glad you found this forum for support. I was, and still am often, amazed at the similarities.
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Old 01-24-2011, 04:44 AM
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Welcome, Jen,

I know all about that "waiting for the other shoe to drop" feeling. Some people really DO recover from alcoholism and stay that way for good! It sounds like your BF is trying, and the fact that he is talking to others about it is a hopeful sign.

Glad you're here with us!
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Old 01-24-2011, 05:07 AM
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Welcome and so sorry for what brings you here. I would also like to let you know that my dad went to rehab once and stayed sober for 25 years. He thought he could have a couple now and again and has since decided not to anymore. While my AH has now tried 4 different programs in 4 months and his recovery is still in process. So there are different endings, just a lot of similarities while they are in active addiction. I know for me coming here, going to meetings, reading a lot and my counselor has made a world of difference.

Sending my thoughts and prayers out to you and yours
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Old 01-24-2011, 05:08 AM
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Welcome and keep reading. Attending alanon will be good too. Getting as much information as possible helps with one thing that you already discovered on your own - that the situation is not unique. There are parallels of experince all through these threads/posts. Learning how to take care of yourself through this experience is second. Learning what you can do and can't do will also become clearer.
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Old 01-24-2011, 07:31 AM
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don't have time for a proper response since I have to go to work, but thanks so much everyone...it's so nice not to feel alone.
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Old 01-24-2011, 07:34 AM
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Hi! Welcome! I have only been on SR for a lil over a week and so far it has been the best support I have ever had. I too realized I am not alone. I have discovered incredibly important things about myself and why i make the choices i make. You have definitely come to the right place! Have a great day at work!!!
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Old 01-24-2011, 07:38 AM
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Sorry you are in this situation. Recently back too and it sucks. Just keep posting because the people on here are AWESOME and really help you through it with great advise. Oh and a boot in the arse if you need one! Personally, that boot is what helps me because I tend to feel bad and keep getting stuck.

We all can help each other no matter where we are on our path. I am hoping my new path does not include the nonsense of an active alcoholic.
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Old 01-24-2011, 07:46 PM
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thanks all so much again to everyone. Just got done with my first Alanon meeting. I managed not to burst into tears at any point (just sat pretty teary eyed through the whole thing) and plan to go back tomorrow. I didn't talk at all (just read one of the 12 traditions when it was my turn) but got a lot out of hearing others talk. I am hoping that between this forum and that I will be able to work out some of my muddled thoughts and find peace.
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Old 01-24-2011, 08:59 PM
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Originally Posted by theuncertainty View Post
Welcome to SR, Jols. I'm sorry for what brings you here, but glad you found this forum for support. I was, and still am often, amazed at the similarities.
Another moment where I need the "me too" button! I thought I was some unique little snowflake living in my own private hell and woe is me - my life sucks. Then I got into Al-Anon and a few months after that found this forum. Welcome and you are not alone. So sorry you are on the roller-coaster that is alcoholism.

You will find some good information and affirmation here.
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Old 01-24-2011, 09:41 PM
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Welcome!!! I think it's pretty common that we isolate ourselves in our own little worlds and carry shame over being, or being in a relationship with, an alcoholic. It's an incredibly freeing feeling to realize that you're not alone -- even though the sadness you feel over how many people suffer like you've suffered is overwhelming some days.

Like lc said -- there are different endings. I come from two generations of teetotallers, who didn't touch a drop because they had seen alcohol ruin the generation before them. It's not a new problem, but we're blessed with having new ways of connecting with people like us.

And don't worry about crying at Al-Anon meetings. That's what the tissues are for. For a while there, I felt like I should go to Costco or Sam's Club and buy tissues in bulk, because I used a lot of them.

I'm glad you went. It's a burden off your shoulders to be surrounded by people who are just like you.
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Old 01-25-2011, 06:06 AM
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Welcome Jols, I am glad that you have found SR. Always here with support, and wisdom and good advice. This is a wonderful forum.

Take care of you, so important. I am finally learning to relax. Time and good decisions and Al Anon, and SR, and a great therapist, and reading the AA Big Book and more time have brought serenity into my life. I will never be done. It will never be perfect, but I am happy.

Sending good wishes and positive thoughts your way.
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Old 01-25-2011, 08:51 AM
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Welcome to SR, jols.
You've already said it yourself. There are some great people here and you're not alone.
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Old 01-25-2011, 04:01 PM
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Wow. Very impressive for a newcomer. Good on you for going to a meeting. Normally the newcomer posts make my head explode.

Just as an FYI, with alcoholism every single day is the day the other shoe can drop. Their sobriety really is, as cliche' as it may sound, one day at a time. Therefore, you need to find whatever it is that works for you to not worry about that shoe.

For some people, that's breaking up with their alcoholic. For others like myself that's learning to detach with love and going to a lot of Al-Anon meetings (and hanging out here). There may be other solutions as well-- I just don't know what they are.

Good luck!

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