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Old 01-25-2011, 08:40 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Sounds like a lot of prep and work. When my ex (from 11 yrs ago) and I spilt (he cheated and left me for another) I put all his stuff out on the curb (valuable hockey cards and all) and called him and said "All the rest of your things are outside and you may want to come get them before people start picking through it"

He was here in 10 mins. We were together 11 yrs so there was a lot of stuff to come get.

I was done making his sh*t, my sh*t and to me it was garbage to that's where it went!
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Old 01-25-2011, 08:54 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I didn't want him anywhere near my apartment. After all the insults and the screaming and then finally trying to throw the furniture, I didn't want any chance that he could come here and cause problems.

In addition, he has a lung condition, and shouldn't be lifting heavy things. He always does things he shouldn't, and he's always using his lung condition to in his manipulation ploys - it's not as bad as he pretends sometimes, it's worse than he thinks it is, but it is 100% real.

I hired the moving truck because I felt better. I don't hate him, I pity him, and this was my way of getting all his stuff out of my apartment in a timely fashion and protecting myself from the guilty feelings that may have followed.
I feel good about it. Yeah, I could have done other things with the money, I could have done other things with the time I spent boxing stuff, but my peace of mind is worth what I paid to me.

I hope he sorts himself out one of these days. I refuse to be a part of it, though, and this was my last step towards that goal.
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Old 01-25-2011, 09:21 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I hired the moving truck because I felt better. I don't hate him, I pity him, and this was my way of getting all his stuff out of my apartment in a timely fashion and protecting myself from the guilty feelings that may have followed.
I feel good about it. Yeah, I could have done other things with the money, I could have done other things with the time I spent boxing stuff, but my peace of mind is worth what I paid to me.
And now your apartment is REALLY YOURS. Your personality can now emerge and you place will be HOME, where you are COMFORTABLE and can have peace and serenity.

Great job well done!!!!!

ENJOY your new peace and serenity in a home that is truly YOURS!!!!

Love and hugs,
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Old 01-25-2011, 09:57 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I learned in a similar way that we sometimes take action to protect ourselves that does end up making an addict's life easier and while it can feel or sound like enabling or dancing to their tune, it's greatest value is in how it furthers our recovery goals.

Leading up to our separation, I lived in a house with my EX that was provided by his employer. I was saving money to move out on my own and had great fear of being able to support myself. I was really dragging my feet on just moving on not to mention the fear of his reaction to my leaving.

Just when I thought I had a plan EX got let go from his employer and we had a short few weeks to move. I sprung into crisis mode while he spiraled out of control. He was **** drunk daily. He spent every penny he could get his hands on to stay drunk. He made no serious effort to find a job or a place to live or pack any belongings. He just drank and became more and more belligerent.

To my point....I had great fear that he would follow me and bully me to take him in or would go so far as to block my leaving until I let him come with me. I had visions of him hanging onto the moving truck, things like that.

I finally reached out to a prior employer of his and asked her for help. I told her of our separation and asked for her to take him back on and provide him a place to stay. She called him on some other pretense without mentioning my contact with her and when he told her of his being let go, she offered him a job and housing.

It was hard for me to bite my tongue when he triumphantly announced that he had a job lined up and a place to stay. He was a true J-hole about it, too. His attitude really got me thinking I enabled him entirely and went back on all my recovery up to that point.

The wise folks here pointed out to me that saving myself was my true intent. Sparing myself the guilt and pain of fighting his bullying to tag along and making my exit from him easier was the value of that act. The fact that he benefited was just his dumba** luck. It was the last favor he got from me, for sure.

So proud of you StarCat for taking this step and taking the high road for yourself. You can hold your head up high and know you were a class act no matter how rotten he tried to turn things.

Enjoy your first day of an addict free life!!

Alice
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Old 01-25-2011, 09:58 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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I am very happy for you StarCat! You deserve some peace and some space. The albatross no longer hangs around your neck...you are FREEEEEEEE!!!!!

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Old 01-25-2011, 10:02 AM
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And now is the time on SR when we dance!


Good for you for standing your ground!!!
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Old 01-25-2011, 11:58 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by StarCat View Post
including his tuxedo
What size was that tux again?

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
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Old 01-25-2011, 12:21 PM
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Life is good!!!!
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Old 01-25-2011, 12:23 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Way to go!!! I am glad that you have your new found freedom
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Old 01-25-2011, 12:44 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ItsmeAlice View Post
You can hold your head up high and know you were a class act no matter how rotten he tried to turn things.
This is exactly what I wanted to accomplish. I wanted to make sure I was 100% comfortable with what I did, with no feelings of regret, and no looking back.

I am enjoying every second of it.

By sheer coincidence, my tax refund was direct deposited today, so I am going to be on a kitten toy shopping spree shortly. I'm getting a new roommate, one that I'll enjoy cuddling. <3

Thank you guys for all your suggestions, and for helping me keep up the strength to keep going (and stand up to him).



Sorry, coyote, the tuxedo is gone. You're a couple hours too late. :rotfxko
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Old 01-25-2011, 12:55 PM
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Way to go Starcat! And congrats on the kitty! My cat sleeps with me every night. He's never drunk and he never snores.
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Old 01-25-2011, 01:02 PM
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Originally Posted by corkel View Post
Way to go Starcat! And congrats on the kitty! My cat sleeps with me every night. He's never drunk and he never snores.
You're lucky mine does!!! Snore that is....
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