I learned in a similar way that we sometimes take action to protect ourselves that does end up making an addict's life easier and while it can feel or sound like enabling or dancing to their tune, it's greatest value is in how it furthers our recovery goals.
Leading up to our separation, I lived in a house with my EX that was provided by his employer. I was saving money to move out on my own and had great fear of being able to support myself. I was really dragging my feet on just moving on not to mention the fear of his reaction to my leaving.
Just when I thought I had a plan EX got let go from his employer and we had a short few weeks to move. I sprung into crisis mode while he spiraled out of control. He was **** drunk daily. He spent every penny he could get his hands on to stay drunk. He made no serious effort to find a job or a place to live or pack any belongings. He just drank and became more and more belligerent.
To my point....I had great fear that he would follow me and bully me to take him in or would go so far as to block my leaving until I let him come with me. I had visions of him hanging onto the moving truck, things like that.
I finally reached out to a prior employer of his and asked her for help. I told her of our separation and asked for her to take him back on and provide him a place to stay. She called him on some other pretense without mentioning my contact with her and when he told her of his being let go, she offered him a job and housing.
It was hard for me to bite my tongue when he triumphantly announced that he had a job lined up and a place to stay. He was a true J-hole about it, too. His attitude really got me thinking I enabled him entirely and went back on all my recovery up to that point.
The wise folks here pointed out to me that saving myself was my true intent. Sparing myself the guilt and pain of fighting his bullying to tag along and making my exit from him easier was the value of that act. The fact that he benefited was just his dumba** luck. It was the last favor he got from me, for sure.
So proud of you StarCat for taking this step and taking the high road for yourself. You can hold your head up high and know you were a class act no matter how rotten he tried to turn things.
Enjoy your first day of an addict free life!!
Alice