Jazzman

Hard to say about her. Nothing could change for years or she could start taking ADs and turn completely dysfunctional in three months like my ex did. Or anywhere in between.

I remember making myself pretty scarce when I was in the stage you're in.

You say you're done raising children but they still live at home it sounds like? How old are your kids? The reason I ask is because my Father was an alcoholic but not until I was well into my teens. Don't underestimate the effect this is having on your kids. You're emotionally impacted and could probably acknowledge several symptoms of depression, so isn't it safe to assume they could be too?

stella27

I used to walk with my girlfriends every night after supper. It was the highlight of my day. Simply because someone was talking to me and listening to me and laughing with me. The bright spot in my life was getting away from the drinking spouse in front of the television with his multiple beers. When I got home, assuming that the children were in bed, I would surf the net for a little while and then get myself ready for bed and read. I remember being very lonely.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Thank you, Jazzman, for reminding me of what it was like and how different my house is now. It's amazing how a non-engaged person in your house can exert such presence to change the mood of the whole family.

MyBetterWorld

It is also possible that she is drunk when you get home. For 2 years my mom didn't know my xah was ever drunk, because it was just how he ALWAYS WAS. Maybe she is already getting there, it just isn't obvious until later.????????

NoAlcoholToday

I started on a couple of glasses a night, progressed onto a bottle a night. Then onto 2 bottles. Started drinking at 4pm instead of dinner time. Gradually earlier and earlier. Then throw in some vodka cos the wine isn't really good enough on its own anymore. The entire time I was a high functioning alcoholic with a good job etc.
I quit in November, 12 years after it all started. By then it was vodka first thing in the morning followed by 2 litres of wine throughout the rest of the day. I have heard that the vast majority of alcoholics who do manage to quit eventually "mature out of it" after 10-15 years of heavy drinking. It isn't especially relevant whether she is an "alcoholic" now, nor will it be especially relevant which support methods she finds suit her when she is ready to quit.

Don't enable her.
Make some firm boundaries and enforce them strictly.
Try not to blame her - she isn't doing this to you, it is all about her.

Chronic fatigue is one of the ways that alcoholics are affected. I have had chronic fatigue for a few years now. Please do not put this down to "quacking". Her vital organs will be under immense stress and will be spending most of their time processing alcohol instead of doing the job they are supposed to be doing. We cannot provide any medical advice on this forum but I recommend you have a chat with a doctor to understand better what she is going through. In the meantime, please feel free to PM me and I can give you some links which you can read about the effects on the liver, kidneys, thyroid, adrenals and brain. This is a damn serious substance and she is drinking wayyyyy too much of it already.

All best wishes
NAT

PS whenever negotiating any boundaries, try to avoid sentences starting with the word "you". We alcoholics are unable to produce stress hormones so tend to get angry when we are being paranoid

PPS get her to take vitamin B complex supplements as a minimum - you dont even want to know about "wet brain", believe me

Jazzman

Bazinga! Well said. I remember when Mel began passing out on the couch in the family room at 7:00pm every night as a matter of course. A house full of 5 kids, a husband and a small dog going about life as usual with a elephant passed out in the living room. Finishing up home work, playing Texas Hold-em, talking about the plans for the weekend... just pitiful.