ResilientFather

So here I sit, two weeks removed from filing an order for protection. As complicated as the situation has become, the peace of mind and quiet in the house makes it all worth it. I went to court last week. The hearing was continued until child protection had their chance to asses and investigate the situation. I was also served with divorce papers from her lawyer...he had a smug look on his face until the guardian sat down and explained what our daughter said about her mother. Needless to say it doesn't look good for her. I had some restrictions put into place such as supervised visits and breathalyser tests before the visits. Today she failed a test at 11am. I can't help but think that it will reflect even more negatively on her.

It's nice to be moving forward finally. I've been going in circles for so long with this that it was starting to hurt me quite a bit. I just want to thank you all for sharing your stories on this site. It definitely helps me feel less alone in my situation.

LucyA

You're never alone here ResilientFather, we're all with you in some way.

Impurrfect

(((ResilientFather))) - you are giving you and your child an awesome gift...a life without being in the front row of alcoholism. You're also giving your wife a gift...you're letting her feel the consequences of her alcoholism. I'm both an RA and a recovering codie. I've learned there are consequences, on both sides, and have decided that I want to make decisions that in my best interest, as well as those I love.

I think you've done the same. It's not hard, in fact it hurts to detach, but I've found it really is best for all.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

NYCDoglvr

Thank you for posting ... I need to hear about people who are moving through these awful situations and getting to the other side. Your daughter is blessed to have you as her father.

reefbreakbda

Stay the course, whish I had your courage. Maybe I will find it through the wise and experienced voices here in SR.

I myself am wondering whether it wouldbe unwise to make the physical separation with my children from my AW without first getting the lawyer to start some sort of consent agreement/separation order.

Hailee

Congratulations--what triggered the restraining order and what was the last straw for you? Threw AH out 3 mos ago, we have 3 babies 15mos, 5, 7. I feel bad for them. You will get supervised visitation no problem. She is done.
My AH says he is going to AA 3x day but I can't tell because he is living with his parents in another state. When I filed for divorce a few years a go, judge gave me a restraining order for myself and the kids and I didn't even ask for it. I had only filed for financial support, but when he read my papers and what had been going on the Judge was MAD.

Do't sweat the custody thing--you will win.

Hailee

naive

hi resilientfather-

thanks for the update and i'm glad to hear that things are resolving in you and your daughter's favor. it sounds as if you have everything in place with the supervised visits and the breathalysing. well done!

i'm also glad to hear of the new peace in your home...to me, it was a startling difference once i was alone...made me realize the madness i had been living with...

ResilientFather

@ reefbreakbda - Absolutely consult a lawyer first. As a man you already have to face potential gender bias in the legal world. Don't go into the situation without representation.

@ Hailee - I hit my limit when I saw the look on our daughters face after she witnessed her mother attacking me. She has seen it before but I finally decided that enough was enough. I used to minimize it to myself thinking that it was more emotionally hurting than physical, lately I started realizing how mentally unhealthy and drained it left me feeling after each attack. Things finally became toxic enough to bring me back to reality.

I'm really glad I acted when I did. Now there are professionals in place that have dealt with this type of behavior many times. I have heard some of the lies she is spreading to try and make me into the monster. The guardian and child protection people aren't buying it at all. It really scares me to think of how this would have played out if she had started spreading lies and false accusations before I had the chance to act. It all plays back into the gender bias scenario...the most important thing though is knowing that she doesn't have anyone to hide it for her anymore. I'm now just biding my time until she slips again. It's very freeing to know I don't have to feel responsible for her self destructive actions anymore.

keepinon

sounds like everything is moving in the right direction...keep taking care of yourself..

lillamy

When I left my AH, one of my friends told me "you might have just done him the biggest favor anyone will ever do him in his life, even if he doesn't see it that way right now."

Five months later, he has been sober for five months (minus 24 hours), he's developing healthy friendships, and he is a better parent than he has ever been.

It's a hard road to travel, but you are doing a good thing for everyone involved, and it's up to her if she wants to take the opportunity she has.