TakingCharge999

There are great men out there !! there is hope !

Yesterday we ran into each other and he was very kind.

A common friend told me he was interested in me.
And I gave him a closer look today.

He is very handsome. Very very handsome. And extremely POLITE.

He offered to share his Blue ray 3D movie collection when I couldn't move much. He invited me to a football match with some other friends, I politely declined that one. My friend says he opens doors, orders food for her, etc. No known addictions so far.The expression of his eyes is beautiful.



We are having breakfast with the friend that introduced us on Tuesday.



Of course now I am getting obsessed, etc but I will try to battle all the fantasies about our marriage and carpet color for the living room LOL.

Anyway I like to know a healthier person is attracted to me. Whew. That is one of the 3583269 therapy homeworks, getting out of my shell. He is good motivation.

We are also planning to play tennis at my university campus -next year.



Now if someone can take this stupid smile away from me please

Live

The smile becomes you!

naive

dunno, tc. what's wrong with a period of time with no man?

you have time to work on yourself, time to get to know yourself. the periods of my life without a man have been the periods of the most spiritual growth.

just don't rush into anything, girlfriend. you are growing by leaps and bounds before my eyes and i'd be sad to see that sidelined because of some new handsome man. there's plenty of handsome men out there but only one chance to face yourself!

naive

suki44883

Just take it slow. You are a complete person and don't need a man to complete you. No one is going to make you happy. You have to make yourself happy and then you can allow someone special to share in that happiness. Please don't jump from the frying pan into the fire.

Babyblue

I get sunk pretty quickly on the fantasy stuff when I connect with someone, long before a serious relationship even gets established.

It is hard not to though. Esp if the new person is treating you better than the last, it gives you hope

But keep your feet on the ground because infatuation crashes and burns quickly; love takes time. Let him earn it.

yorkiegirl

Enjoy this moment without any expectations. Hope to hear your update! (I like Rayn's checklist!)

yorkiegirl

I so agree with what you've said, Babyblue!

Babyblue

Only because I do exactly what takingcharge does when I am into someone. I am all about fantasy! But the problem for me comes when the reality isn't anything like the fantasy and I then I end up feeling disappointed.

I've learned to expect nothing and if something happens, awesome! I really have to talk myself down sometimes because I am aware I do this and in order to give the guy a chance, I shouldn't build it up too much early on.

lulu1974

How exciting TC. I can see the happiness in the post. And you very much so deserve a decent man if that is what you want.

What I have learned from the dating process is that it is also an opportunity to grow in our recovery. I recently learned that I tend to get infatuated with the players/manipulators because they offer me instant gratification to the validation I desire. They are the ones who say exactly what I want to hear as soon as they meet me and all of a sudden I am planning our future because I feel they "get" me. Boy did I learn the hard way that is not how it works. After the last one I really had to take a look at myself and that is what I figured out. So there will always be growth as long as you take a look inside of yourself while doing these things. I now keep a journal and document how I feel and any doubts I have a write down.

Enjoy this and take it slow. If its meant to be it will be and there is nothing you can do to mess it up or make it happen. Look to your HP. He will direct you.

And everyone's posts here have been really insightful. You are all set to go now!

Hugs,

Lulu

fourmaggie

isnt it nice, when someone is flirtying with you? big smile...it proves you are doing something rite...enjoy it....have fun...no expections..just plan fun....

TakingCharge999

I hear you! thanks all. Great advice... thanks a a lot naive, no worries, I am not planning to get involved with anyone seriously for a longgggggggggggg time. I broke up with someone and need to learn from that and enjoy my time alone.

I have been throwing myself to therapy and group therapy and codie no more, etc etc and it is great to have my therapist guide me through becoming a normal human being She pushes me to get "out there" and get to know the guy and be open to meet others too... people in general not only romantic interests. The therapist says the same Babyblue, that men like to feel like MEN and like to work to earn something. Thus I got to stop being a mom, stop trying to control stuff and let myself be a WOMAN, open to receive invitations, gifts, attention, courtesy, respect etc etc.

I have been encaged and feeling bad for a long time now so I am looking forward to meet new people with whom I can truly share and enjoy good times.

Next week I am going to the beach wedding I have been looking forward to for months. Off to grab lunch and buy a swiming suit. My gift for myself today is not to judge my body harshly. I hope you all enjoy your weekend! thanks all! I'm reading and re-reading the whole thread...

TakingCharge999

PS

By "there's hope" I don't mean "there's hope a guy will give me happiness"

I mean "there have always been great people (males and females) I was just to busy feeling TOTALLY UNWORTHY that of course I was NOT going to meet them! and there's hope I can CHANGE! and start living the life I deserve."

Live

I think getting out and meeting people and having fun is as needed as self-introspection.

I can work on my recoveries without hiding in a bubble of it, which I have done.

It's great practice and ya' never know where the road leads?

transformyself

Good for you. Just take a word of warning from your friend Transform: If you sleep with him right away, even if it's agreed that there are no strings attached, he most likely will be hard to get rid of, should you determine that's your course of action...

you may not be that kind of "liberated" woman, though.

Either way, have fun. Enjoy the rush, the introspection and learning experience!

NYCDoglvr

Ahhh.....the rush, the intoxication of romantic obsession! I'd give anything to repeat the feelings -- like walking on air -- without the consequences of rushing into something with someone I didn't know. Perhaps I loved him so much because he was unavailable (lived in Milan, Italy). The fall was hard, brutal and sudden. I did very stupid things during the worst of it, things I'm deeply ashamed of. And, it turns out the guy is really a dud.

Keep your wits about you as much as you can. Remember, this isn't about the guy, it's about obsession. Talk to friends as much as possible, it helps keep you grounded. Remember, "too good to be true" is just that!!!! I hope you can hold out from having sex as long as possible, that just throws gasoline on the obsession.

transformyself

Yeah, for the poor guy!

Jadmack25

Is there such a thing as "NO strings attached sex"? I have wondered if such a thing actually exists.

Floss

Jadmack, I think people do have one night stands with no attachments. I'm unable to do that. Maybe some people are able to be 'friends with benefits' but usually someone always wants more/gets hurt. The other way is pay for services rendered, lol.

transformyself

This actually isn't a great representation, not the best way to phrase it, but I successfully had several covert sexual relationships before AH- friends with benefits deals that were very satisfying, a lot of fun. Some wereeven co-workers. Those were the most fun because then you see each other at work and have a secret of sorts but no relationship drama crap. It worked at the time, fit into my lifestyle and contrasts to the dire warnings I've heard from others who have had their professional relationships destroyed by vindictive co-workers or supervisors.

It takes knowing the person, though, and ensuring they have familiarity with this type of situation and know "the rules." That was my recent mistake with the guy I was dating. He said he didn't mind having no strings attached, and probably meant it when he said it, but went a little crazy from what Coyote calls White Madness.

I'm just out of practice from years of being with AH and was so blown away by someone courting me. Someone smart and seemingly wonderful-focused too much on him again rather than myself and what would be best for me and my life right now.

The speech I used to give was, "This is fun, I hope you're enjoying the ride but you are a free agent." Men understand sports analagies or however that's spelled.

I know that seems amoralistic to some folks, but not to me, it felt very adult like and worked in place of a committed relationship. No wait. It was a committed relationship. We committed to be respectful with each other and be covert about our sleeping together. It's just not an openly romantic relationship.

I really loved one of those guys, too, we were very close. It's more common than you'd expect. I had three "friends," before I hooked up with AH, and we had a blast. Everyone know what the deal wa,s we didn't harrass each or get jealous or play relationship games. We hung out when we wanted (which sometimes was pretty often), slept together if we wanted and understood that other aspects of our lives needed to be taken care of.

I were very close with these fellas too, I'm not saying that the sleeping together was meaningless, either. I see that as a very special thing, to be honored in whatever way the people involved define it.

I even turned one of my FWB down for a marriage/committed proposal and after that he found the perfect girl and is now a proud dad. I'm glad for him, dont' see him as the one that got away or anything because we didn't want the same things. I cherish the time we spent together.

I was single parent to my oldest boy at the time. He was about 9-12 years old during those years and he was my main priority, not a boyfriend. Looks like I'm in the same situation now, with two boys however...

TakingCharge999

Gladly I have been too busy studying, working, moving out (yes STILL moving things around, cleaning old apartment etc), trying to get my car back, and packing for my beach trip this week (*****o!) that I haven't had time to obsess about the guy. It has crossed my mind but not that often.

RE sex, oh well its 11 PM and I'm tired so all I can say is that I don't want MORE stress at the workplace! so that will be a good way to stop my hormones from acting! our Wednsday morning meeting together which is quite stressful! and also another "advantage" of mine is that i got IMPLANON which makes me have NO LIBIDO AT ALL. I hope these 2 things and the voice of reason override any earthly desire towards this person in particular LOL

Something that adds some tension is that my coworker who introduces us knows he's into me so maybe its weird with the 3 of us...

As it is it would be easy for me to give him a ride as he will be at work earlier BUT NO.. I won't do ANYTHING for him... (poor guy meeting me at this time of my life lol)

Also to reduce the chances he thinks I'm flirting I will wear my eyeglasses so I look more geek than usual.


Did I tell you that he spent last weekend putting the Christmas tree with his family? none of the losers I've chosen as "boyfriends" EVER had a good relationship with their family.

Perhaps he is one of those guys one wants to hug and that's all, perhaps he becomes a close friend. I think I would prefer that. Speaks the Implanon...