Getting to know a 'new' nice guy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: carolina girl
Posts: 578
I started reading at the beginning of the thread and was at the bottom of page one when I realized the date this all started. Quite a rollercoaster you have been on with this person already, and you haven't even had a date with him yet?
Now i'm hooked, so keep me posted, even though you don't like him much anymore, still curious to see if he really is as nice as you say. Maybe i'll go out with him.
Now i'm hooked, so keep me posted, even though you don't like him much anymore, still curious to see if he really is as nice as you say. Maybe i'll go out with him.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
The hardest -- but most important -- thing is to give it time, wait to see what unfolds. And listen ... too many times we look back in hindsight at a failed relationship realizing we didn't pay attention to things the other person said, or didn't say, that should have been signals.
Yes, there are terrific men out there, but they all comes with flaws as we do. I think in the end it comes down to which flaws you can live with, which you can't.
In the meantime, have fun! Enjoy!
Yes, there are terrific men out there, but they all comes with flaws as we do. I think in the end it comes down to which flaws you can live with, which you can't.
In the meantime, have fun! Enjoy!
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I went through all the thread again, wonderful posts from everyone.
I suggested watching a Bob Dylan music documentary tomorrow.
He is religious, can that be a red flag? lol.
Anyway I am excited about my date, other good news is that on Friday I will be meeting another good old friend from my hometown, and on Saturday I will go to some hot springs nearby... then need to pack for my trip next week...
I have found I get easily obsessed with someone when there's not much else going on in my life but right now there's plenty...
I suggested watching a Bob Dylan music documentary tomorrow.
He is religious, can that be a red flag? lol.
Anyway I am excited about my date, other good news is that on Friday I will be meeting another good old friend from my hometown, and on Saturday I will go to some hot springs nearby... then need to pack for my trip next week...
I have found I get easily obsessed with someone when there's not much else going on in my life but right now there's plenty...
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
My date totally sucked ..
I couldn't wait to be back home!
Well..he was there on time... that was good.
Then he called me Susie... instead of my real name... lol.
He paid the tickets... that was good.
Then we talked before the movie started and he was kind of staring somewhere else, avoided eye contact. I tried to follow his eyes but I don't know he kept his distance..
During the movie it was a little bit awkward and he kept checking his blackberry..ok that is rude, people, I don't care!! and went out twice... missed the end and I came out alone.
Then he wanted to eat something and we went to eat hot dogs...for him, because I don't eat pork.
The parking lot he left his car in closed at 1030. We arrived 1035 and of course he couldnt take his car out... he was very upset.. I was thinking "ok its not the best news but its not like the world is going to end".
Then he had agreed to get some tickets for a concert for someone else and he got news he didn't get them.. he was more upset by that... I was just thinking "hum, how codie of him to do stuff others can do" lol..
Anyway he called his dad to go pick him up... We waited for the dad in our car...
It was weird, spending too much time with him. I couldn't wait for it to be over, also I asked him many things and he was not good at asking things back... I don't like interviews..... well, I like them..when the character is interesting... this wasn't !
"At least I gave myself the chance" and all those things we say when something sucked... yes he IS good looking...too bad his personality doesn't match!
So glad to be back home!!!!!!! thanks for letting me vent...
Well..he was there on time... that was good.
Then he called me Susie... instead of my real name... lol.
He paid the tickets... that was good.
Then we talked before the movie started and he was kind of staring somewhere else, avoided eye contact. I tried to follow his eyes but I don't know he kept his distance..
During the movie it was a little bit awkward and he kept checking his blackberry..ok that is rude, people, I don't care!! and went out twice... missed the end and I came out alone.
Then he wanted to eat something and we went to eat hot dogs...for him, because I don't eat pork.
The parking lot he left his car in closed at 1030. We arrived 1035 and of course he couldnt take his car out... he was very upset.. I was thinking "ok its not the best news but its not like the world is going to end".
Then he had agreed to get some tickets for a concert for someone else and he got news he didn't get them.. he was more upset by that... I was just thinking "hum, how codie of him to do stuff others can do" lol..
Anyway he called his dad to go pick him up... We waited for the dad in our car...
It was weird, spending too much time with him. I couldn't wait for it to be over, also I asked him many things and he was not good at asking things back... I don't like interviews..... well, I like them..when the character is interesting... this wasn't !
"At least I gave myself the chance" and all those things we say when something sucked... yes he IS good looking...too bad his personality doesn't match!
So glad to be back home!!!!!!! thanks for letting me vent...
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
PS At least no alcohol was present at any time of tonight so .. perhaps its still a small victory.
PPS I notice how much love and attention I lacked in life and needs healing. Got so much way to go yet..
PPPS Yesterday I had dinner and was feeling OK and a friend asked me about my dad.. I felt sad and she said "wow, your expression changed entirely when I mentioned it" ... aww I almost cried then over dinner... guess I am rather sensitive to this topic still.
PPPPS I don't know perhaps a reason I isolate so much is because sometimes I feel some company doesn't bring me good things? I mean not like I am superior, of course not but it takes time to meet people and my last outings yesterday and tonight are with people that for some reason trigger things in me.. anyway, on SAT I will see another friend who I know for years, so looking forward to that.... kind of feeling vulnerable with new people at the moment.
PPS I notice how much love and attention I lacked in life and needs healing. Got so much way to go yet..
PPPS Yesterday I had dinner and was feeling OK and a friend asked me about my dad.. I felt sad and she said "wow, your expression changed entirely when I mentioned it" ... aww I almost cried then over dinner... guess I am rather sensitive to this topic still.
PPPPS I don't know perhaps a reason I isolate so much is because sometimes I feel some company doesn't bring me good things? I mean not like I am superior, of course not but it takes time to meet people and my last outings yesterday and tonight are with people that for some reason trigger things in me.. anyway, on SAT I will see another friend who I know for years, so looking forward to that.... kind of feeling vulnerable with new people at the moment.
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
You tried something new, and decided you didn't like it!
I think it's also a great thing that you had a chance to distance yourself from him emotionally before actually going on the date.
He sounds like a loser, to be honest. Going out for food you don't eat, spending more time worrying about things other than the wonderful, gorgeous woman he was with?
Good for you for being confident enough in yourself to recognize these are his problems, and have nothing to do with you!
Have fun with your friend this weekend. You deserve it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Eh? :)
Posts: 1,410
Wow, I followed this from the beginning, as well, before realizing about the date!! I'm glad you DID get to go on the date...nothing wrong with finding out the guy was a dud (absolute dud! texting during a date!? ugh!!!)....wonderful that you tried!
One of the other posters said something that struck me as sooooo accurate: about falling for the manipulators because they give that instant gratification of liking us so intently straight off the starting line. That is soooo meee!!! And absolutely what I needed to read right now!
Chalk this date up to one of those "funny hellish date" stories you can laugh at later. The important thing is that you didn't lose yourself in him! And that you could clearly see the behaviour for what it was and not accept it as something you need to be around.
One of the other posters said something that struck me as sooooo accurate: about falling for the manipulators because they give that instant gratification of liking us so intently straight off the starting line. That is soooo meee!!! And absolutely what I needed to read right now!
Chalk this date up to one of those "funny hellish date" stories you can laugh at later. The important thing is that you didn't lose yourself in him! And that you could clearly see the behaviour for what it was and not accept it as something you need to be around.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: carolina girl
Posts: 578
Too bad the guy had so many other issues. I can't believe he walked out of the movie twice.
Sounds like yer picker is still busted. At least he wasn't an A, but at the same time, maybe that's why he was such a jerk, because he wasn't drinking... you never know. We attract all kinds, unfortunately. Sometimes it's like we have a sign stamped on our forehead.
Better luck next time!
Sounds like yer picker is still busted. At least he wasn't an A, but at the same time, maybe that's why he was such a jerk, because he wasn't drinking... you never know. We attract all kinds, unfortunately. Sometimes it's like we have a sign stamped on our forehead.
Better luck next time!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Heh,
The last "date" I had was from hell, too, which made my decision to take a nice long break from dating all the easier.
The guy had a place with horses and invited me to go riding (we had talked on the phone and emailed, but it was the first meeting). I LOVE to ride, and I thought it would be a perfect, fun, low-pressure thing to do on a first date.
I get to his house and we sipped iced tea on the porch for awhile, and that was it. To make matters worse, his house looked like a Roy Rogers museum--cowboy stuff EVERYWHERE--even a cowboy-motif shower curtain (can you say ICK?). He had (no lie) a life-sized carboard cutout of John Wayne on his stair landing.
We never went riding. I wondered what the deal was, and after some polite chit-chat, I left. By the time we got home, there was an email from him saying there was no "chemistry." Um, that would be the understatement of the century!
I mean, sheesh, chemistry or no chemistry, we could have had a nice ride. I had been looking forward to it. What a massive jerk.
It DID, however, make for a good story to tell. I had a friend whose first blind date with a guy involved his collecting all the sugar packets and teabags on the table. Too funny. We all get dates like that once in awhile.
The last "date" I had was from hell, too, which made my decision to take a nice long break from dating all the easier.
The guy had a place with horses and invited me to go riding (we had talked on the phone and emailed, but it was the first meeting). I LOVE to ride, and I thought it would be a perfect, fun, low-pressure thing to do on a first date.
I get to his house and we sipped iced tea on the porch for awhile, and that was it. To make matters worse, his house looked like a Roy Rogers museum--cowboy stuff EVERYWHERE--even a cowboy-motif shower curtain (can you say ICK?). He had (no lie) a life-sized carboard cutout of John Wayne on his stair landing.
We never went riding. I wondered what the deal was, and after some polite chit-chat, I left. By the time we got home, there was an email from him saying there was no "chemistry." Um, that would be the understatement of the century!
I mean, sheesh, chemistry or no chemistry, we could have had a nice ride. I had been looking forward to it. What a massive jerk.
It DID, however, make for a good story to tell. I had a friend whose first blind date with a guy involved his collecting all the sugar packets and teabags on the table. Too funny. We all get dates like that once in awhile.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
TC999... isn't it funny how we can build somebody up in our mind?!?! We have our perception of what they are and get all excited about how great it's going to be... before it ever really happens! Good for you for being patient and letting this guy reveal his true self.
I find myself doing that on occassion when I meet new people (happening a lot lately while I'm travelling)... "Ohh, that guy is so cute and fun to talk to!! Gee, I bet it would be great to date him!" And then I wait a few minutes, and something happens that makes me go... "Ugh, what dirtbag!"
I think it would be wonderful to just be single, live in my own home and have male friends that I could go out to dinner with... and nothing else. Just friends to do fun stuff together.
I find myself doing that on occassion when I meet new people (happening a lot lately while I'm travelling)... "Ohh, that guy is so cute and fun to talk to!! Gee, I bet it would be great to date him!" And then I wait a few minutes, and something happens that makes me go... "Ugh, what dirtbag!"
I think it would be wonderful to just be single, live in my own home and have male friends that I could go out to dinner with... and nothing else. Just friends to do fun stuff together.
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Thanks all, your posts made me laugh!
Well, he opened doors but that doesn't make him kind! at least I now want to get away from him and am not thinking "I HAVE to conquer him!! I can change him!! he has potential" as I would have done before.
Seeing blackberries and facebook is so rude, its been 3 people already that do this.. perhaps if I saw them very often, it would be ok, but one time it was a close girlfriend I hadn't seen in YEARS but she was too busy updating her facebook instead of having dinner and conversation with me. This makes me nervous.
I asked the guy to be honest and tell me if he didn't like the movie and he said "ohhh I did.. I had drank too much water..." Right.
I think he was too worried about making that Susy happy with the tickets!
Newsflash, I don't like it when I can't relax with someone. Reminds me of another person that I met who invited me to lunch, and he ate SUPER fast, and I didn't drink all my beverage.. when I left he saw it and went "ohh why did you leave so much"... I wanted to answer "because you seem to be in such a rush!"
And the guy has lots of money! it was as if paying 2 dollars was going to make him broke.
My conclusion is that everyone is crazy and too stressed, I am also too sensitive to their vibes and moods, and that I sure can pick 'em lol, friends and romantic interests. I need people more like me who can take their time and also are respectful in waiting for others at the table... and have genuine interest.... plain old MANNERS!
Got too many "interviews" already in a short lapse of time!! ugghhh it really is a pet peeve for me when people can't even ask "and how are you TC999?" nope they cannot even that. Although I suspect it may also be the culture in this smaller city... ppl seem to be more self centered here.. anyway, it was priceless, his face when I mentioned Buddhism... as if I had agreements with the devil
Now I am going to the office and given my luck I will run into him.. gladly that is why God invented dark glasses lol !!
Well, he opened doors but that doesn't make him kind! at least I now want to get away from him and am not thinking "I HAVE to conquer him!! I can change him!! he has potential" as I would have done before.
Seeing blackberries and facebook is so rude, its been 3 people already that do this.. perhaps if I saw them very often, it would be ok, but one time it was a close girlfriend I hadn't seen in YEARS but she was too busy updating her facebook instead of having dinner and conversation with me. This makes me nervous.
I asked the guy to be honest and tell me if he didn't like the movie and he said "ohhh I did.. I had drank too much water..." Right.
I think he was too worried about making that Susy happy with the tickets!
Newsflash, I don't like it when I can't relax with someone. Reminds me of another person that I met who invited me to lunch, and he ate SUPER fast, and I didn't drink all my beverage.. when I left he saw it and went "ohh why did you leave so much"... I wanted to answer "because you seem to be in such a rush!"
And the guy has lots of money! it was as if paying 2 dollars was going to make him broke.
My conclusion is that everyone is crazy and too stressed, I am also too sensitive to their vibes and moods, and that I sure can pick 'em lol, friends and romantic interests. I need people more like me who can take their time and also are respectful in waiting for others at the table... and have genuine interest.... plain old MANNERS!
Got too many "interviews" already in a short lapse of time!! ugghhh it really is a pet peeve for me when people can't even ask "and how are you TC999?" nope they cannot even that. Although I suspect it may also be the culture in this smaller city... ppl seem to be more self centered here.. anyway, it was priceless, his face when I mentioned Buddhism... as if I had agreements with the devil
Now I am going to the office and given my luck I will run into him.. gladly that is why God invented dark glasses lol !!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 821
Hah!
At first I thought, good for you, TC!
Then the sex talk and latex was mentioned. No way was I stepping foot inside this female sex talk thread.
Then someone mentions Coyote and I'm wondering when he came back. Then I realized what was going on.
Anyway, I think you're living life. Good for you. Not all dates work out, nor do they have to.
Cheers and thanks for the thread. It was a fun ride at your expense and I mean that in a good way.
At first I thought, good for you, TC!
Then the sex talk and latex was mentioned. No way was I stepping foot inside this female sex talk thread.
Then someone mentions Coyote and I'm wondering when he came back. Then I realized what was going on.
Anyway, I think you're living life. Good for you. Not all dates work out, nor do they have to.
Cheers and thanks for the thread. It was a fun ride at your expense and I mean that in a good way.
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Anytime, Shell! LOL!
Today I met an English teacher at work, I think he is American and is cute. Nice face. A little bit thin but some enchiladas and guacamole and problem solved
Well I was not the most gracious person on Earth but he also opened my door and I caught him checking ME out! I am on a roll... he said he was trying to learn Spanish... *hint, hint*
I might need an English lesson next Friday
!!
My therapist told me everything is an experience and to keep sharing time with new, different people....
Funny how sometimes you are Grinch and one day everyone talks to you and invites you places etc...
Today I met an English teacher at work, I think he is American and is cute.
Nice face. A little bit thin but some enchiladas and guacamole and problem solved Well I was not the most gracious person on Earth but he also opened my door and I caught him checking ME out! I am on a roll... he said he was trying to learn Spanish... *hint, hint*
I might need an English lesson next Friday
!!My therapist told me everything is an experience and to keep sharing time with new, different people....
Funny how sometimes you are Grinch and one day everyone talks to you and invites you places etc...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 383
TC...I'm sorry your date was so rude. But three things come to mind:
1) He is the one who has lost out here. Hands down.
2) You got a reminder of how far you've progressed by NOT seeing his "potential" and going into I can fix him mode; by recognizing that you are worth more than how he treated you; by realizing it's HIS problem, not yours; and by being able to laugh it this.
3) You now have another thing on your list that you DON"T want in a man...which means you're one step closer to finding the man you DO want.
My therapist told me that as we heal, we carry ourselves differently, we give out healthier signals and as a result, we begin to attract healthier people. You're doing that. This guy may not be the poster child for healthy dating material, but at least he was a lot better than your last BF.
1) He is the one who has lost out here. Hands down.
2) You got a reminder of how far you've progressed by NOT seeing his "potential" and going into I can fix him mode; by recognizing that you are worth more than how he treated you; by realizing it's HIS problem, not yours; and by being able to laugh it this.
3) You now have another thing on your list that you DON"T want in a man...which means you're one step closer to finding the man you DO want.
My therapist told me that as we heal, we carry ourselves differently, we give out healthier signals and as a result, we begin to attract healthier people. You're doing that. This guy may not be the poster child for healthy dating material, but at least he was a lot better than your last BF.
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Awww thanks all!
The fun continues, he liked a very sexist ad that has 4 pole dancers... and today when I shared my date with a friend he said "oh I have seen him trying to hit on the receptionists"...
So much for the family man
Anyway, enough stalking! Although a coworker is leaving for Qatar soon and tomorrow they invited me to his farewell party, and this guy is going too... awkward... not sure if IŽll appear... maybe later when everyone is drunk, just to say bye to the guy, he was nice and a good work contact. Its just a handful of people that are going so unfortunately IŽll have to say hi. IŽll just act as if yesterday never happened
Not too difficult
The fun continues, he liked a very sexist ad that has 4 pole dancers... and today when I shared my date with a friend he said "oh I have seen him trying to hit on the receptionists"...
So much for the family man
Anyway, enough stalking! Although a coworker is leaving for Qatar soon and tomorrow they invited me to his farewell party, and this guy is going too... awkward... not sure if IŽll appear... maybe later when everyone is drunk, just to say bye to the guy, he was nice and a good work contact. Its just a handful of people that are going so unfortunately IŽll have to say hi. IŽll just act as if yesterday never happened
Originally Posted by LaPinturaBella 
This guy may not be the poster child for healthy dating material, but at least he was a lot better than your last BF.
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Well, tomorrow I will go see another music documentary!! this time its for R.E.M. And this time its with a nice guy who interacts, we just talked for 5 hours... very likable, the bad thing about him is that he is 24, but he is a very good person, funny and mature (he has had a very tough life).
YAY for clearing bad karma
YAY for clearing bad karma
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
LOL I just hope tomorrow I don't come back saying "my date sucked" and it turned out he is a jerk.. just like last time...
For some days I am having social life and not being a loner.. it feels good
For some days I am having social life and not being a loner.. it feels good
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