TakingCharge999

transformie I've also had "sporadic encounters" with friends and I like the drama-free interactions, but also the couple I had like that also lived somewhere else so it was easier to enjoy the moment and let go and be happy for them when they have a steady partner.... seems like a hippie lifestyle (IF we lived in a world without AIDS and STDs etc)... I am of the idea that the relationship with each guy is special and different

Did I tell you he is a Libra????? he is compatible with Aquarius! OK DONE with talking about him
Thanks all for the input and advice.....

naive

ha, ha, tc. thanks for the laugh! i'm in the same spot. when someone asks me to do something, i think to myself...hmmm...is this something they can do themselves? whereas before i would gladly rush in and do it for them.

chicory

[, i am a little scared to ask this, but what exactly is "White Madness"?

transformyself

LATEX!!!!!!

I'll let Coyote answer the other question

HoopNinja

I agree with all of the checkpoints Rayn--but this one spoke volume to me. I think that is why I sometimes rush into things. Like naive said--some times not having a man in your life gives you a chance to grow so you become complete (which for me is a never ending process).

I really liked that-complement me, not complete me.

But I don't think there is any problem just having a little fun. Just don't start picking out that color of your bridesmaids dresses and figuring out which burb you want to live in yet!

I think I wore this beauty to my sister's wedding. . .but the bow was in the back (and the dress was backless). I believe there was a hat involved too. Yikes!

TakingCharge999

Oh LOL...


Hahaha thanks all for the laughs!

I caught myself daydreaming but nah, now that I read other threads I am coming back to the real world... and now I want to know what his problem is lol! gambling?? pot ?? sex ?? what ??


Let's see how much time passes before I find the first red flag! again, the poor guy munching waffles while I'm dissecting his personality lol

wicked

okay, hoopninja, i thought you and your sister loved each other.
was this some kinda payback for a childhood indiscretion? (got a better cake for your birthday perhaps?) a long held grudge that she has been secretly nursing for years!
I can picture it now!
(evil laugh) bwa hahahahahaha
oh she will pay for stealing my boyfriend, her bridesmaid dress will shame her for all eternity! ah ahahahahahaha!
alright, i watch too much TV!
i could never carry that color, and even in my thinner days, it would have been a struggle to look good in that dress.
more power to ya hoop!
you must be the calmest, coolest, most selfless sister ever.
can i trade you for my addicted personality disordered sister?
shes not too much trouble, if she is 2 thousand miles away!

just teasing you. you are a wonderful person. you deserve the best, even my jealous teasing about the bridesmaid dress.

Beth

TakingCharge999

Wait.. you said a HAT was involved too? LOL... oh gosh

HoopNinja

wicked my OTHER sister made me wear that hideous thing (and she usually has such good taste--must have been a temporary moment of insanity). I still remember opening the box (she was living in NYC) pulling it out and thinking they had sent the wrong thing. Plus the hat--that worked out great because I was in my Annie Lennox stage at that point so I had almost a butch haircut dyed white. Very, very lovely.

But my sista I love also made me wear a lovely dress-well the dress was fine but she lost her mind briefly too and we all had lovely hats and PARASOLS!!!

HoopNinja

So have you ever had a bridesmaid party? Hilarious! Everyone takes the most hideous dress they were forced to wear and arrive in it at the party. Sometimes it is just so difficult to select just one!

And hey, you can always wear those lovelies again! (so says the bride). Sure--for Halloween maybe!

Freedom1990

Agreed.

TakingCharge999

I get what you mean- on the other hand, for instance my Mom was in therapy 10 years... went to lots of retreats, studied with Masters etc... and has not had A SINGLE MALE FRIEND for.. 15 years or so? I do not want to end up like that...

But I get what you mean. Being a codie having someone else is totally losing yourself in the process. This is going to be a good "pulse check" RE keeping my own identity and having my feet on the ground here and now..... struggling a little though ..

Freedom1990

So how do you equate your situation with ending up like your mother? That's quite a stretch, yes?

How long has it actually been since you called it quits with the last BF?

What I see is you finally got moved to a place that you like very much. Your life appears to be calming down a bit, and kaboom. Now you find yourself fighting fantasies and all these thoughts about a guy you haven't even met yet.

I know one of the hardest thing for me to was to quit self-sabotaging, and actually experience a quiet life.

Just some food for thought.

TakingCharge999

Thanks Freedom. I get the message. I for one criticize ppl that go on from one person to the other without breathing to learn something (and that behavior hurt ME when it was done to me) so I am for sure not going to behave the same way. Its just a damn breakfast

Today I have been OK going about my business. And yes self sabotage is something I sadly know, you are right in that I need to protect this peace and "sanity" I am starting to feel.

gerryP

I'm glad that you are feeling some peace TC, but is it related to having a new love interest?

TakingCharge999

I had forgotten to update this thread.

The breakfast was cancelled!! I texted my girlfriend and she replied back she had forgotten. Talk about anti climax. Then I texted the guy and told him we wouldn't meet after all.

He never replied.

Of course this triggered HUGE abandonment issues (I mean what DOESN'T!?) because as you may know I have been a loner in many aspects so the day I try to "get out there" this happens.

Anyway I decided not to say anything else about it... later my girlfriend apologized....

I have been running into the guy at work and he is such a NICE person. We laugh a lot. Today we had a meeting by phone and he gave me a really warm welcome... he is funny. I like his vibe. He is like a big brother.

Yesterday I gave some of my coworkers a traditional chocolate tablet and coffee, and I gave one to him.. he stood up and we hugged a LOT with the excuse of saying happy xmas and new year etc etc. I liked the bear hugs... very spontaneous... without any second intentions... I also like that he is older, 32 .. he seems very stable.

Anyway we have chatted and emailed a few jokes and I hope we become good friends. I am learning to be "organic" as my theater director used to say, not push anything, not stalk him or daydream too much.

It is quite a contrast as the office is small and in one hand we got XABF saying the stupid things he always says and on the other hand we got Specimen B behaving VERY nicely and being super KIND with everyone. And yes he is definitely good looking and has a GREAT body but not planning on ruining what can be a worthy friendship. (Thanks Implanon for making me have NO libido to complicate my life...)

kia

im kinda with u on this one tc have met a new guy and were at the friends stage getting to know each other finding out how each other tick and looking for the red flags as well but ive been struggling with the suffocating him thing and boy boy everytime he does something i fly off the handle like today i noticed he was signed into msn well my mind makes this 100 times worse ohhh yes hes been chatting up loads of women while im asleep when he said he was going to sleep last nite after we finished chatting and he apparently didnt so straight away text was sent and the answer of course i wasnt doing that cant help the thought flying in there.

And of course if he dont answer me immediatly god forbid hes off with another woman why should he bother with me blah blah all stupid i know and when he does chat to me it makes it sound stupid even to my ears will take time i suppose to trust and one thing he does do is smokes dope every now and then does drink but nothing like the volumes the exA did and well i dont want someone who dont drink cos i drink occasionally and i did date a non drinker once and well to say he was boring was understatement and he really wasnt keen on me drinking and have serious issues with someone telling me what to do as u all know full well on here ;-) anyhow im digressing again id say my opionion would be do as im doing go with the flow see how friends go and if it goes into something else let it if it doesnt then u got a nice new male friend xxx

TakingCharge999

I realized I was showing more interest in him than he was showing me so I went No Contact and am just cordial when we interact at work.

The other day I caught him staring at me while I was talking to another coworker.

Via Facebook I learned he has a new girlfriend. I am glad. How dumb of me to want MORE stress in my life flirting with a coworker. Isn't the current stress enough, TC999?? Duh!!

tallulah

Hey TC *Huggies*

My first date post A was around 3 months after I left (one of the plastic/reconstructive surgeons that put my hand back together lol). I am thankful for that lil fling each and every day, because it was life/the universe/HP showing me that good men DO exist. He is and remains a good friend. But whilst he was good for me, I wasn't really good for him at that time... too soon and my heart need to heal.

I kissed a few frogs on the way to today (nearly two years post A) but each was invaluable in teaching me about myself and what I want from any future relationship. My eyes were wide open and my strength to leave if something was not 'right' grew and grew.

That's what has brought me to the here and now.. and in November I met a guy who is lovely. It's true that healthy people attract healthy people.. and as I have become more and more emotionally healthy, I've noticed that's who I have in my little world orbit.

Keep on keeping on TC, working on you, loving you.. define you and what you want.. and when you least expect it, someone will just pop into your ife and possibly rock your world.

Tx

TakingCharge999

Update,
We have continued to be friendly at work.

He broke up with the gf about a month ago. And I have been single and enjoying doing my own thing.

We are friends via facebook and started sending private messages. I have kept the tone friendly, not flirty, being aware of the messages I am sending. Besides I don't like him that much anymore. So this is another sign that he is a good person lol, my picker points to psychos.

He is a good man, family-oriented, a gentleman, respectful.

Anyway he said it would be great if we meet up in real life to catch up given I no longer see him in the office as I work from home. I said thursday is good for me.

I had forgot its fun to have a date with someone nice... a NORMAL conversation...