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Old 11-04-2010, 03:49 PM
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Here I am

Well, not sure how to start...

My wife is an alcoholic and was just diagnosed with Cirrhosis after gall bladder removal. Living with her is hard...she seems to love no one, not even herself and seems to thrive on petty anger and self destructive behavior.

The day she got home from the hospital, including the doctor's warning that she has 6 months to live, tops, if she does not stop drinking what did I find...more vodka she just purchased, half empty bottle. Since this she has been hospitalized twice for alcohol related issues including parenthesis for gallons (literally 2) of fluid removal.

She used to be the most wonderful person...and over the years I've discovered most of her deceptive behavior is all about getting another drink...lies...lies and more lies...to herself, family and friends. Blames everyone and everything but herself...went to one AA meeting...skipped the next...who knows what the future holds.

I fully understand that besides being loving and supportive there is nothing I can really do. She is off on days I'm not and no one can babysit her or make her choose the right things. Seems like all I can do is live my live and let the chips fall where they will...
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Old 11-04-2010, 03:54 PM
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Welcome AurumToday! I'm sorry you're having to live with the pain of alcoholism

How long has your wife been out of the hospital now?
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Old 11-04-2010, 03:58 PM
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Hi, welcome to our world one of disappointment and heartache.

Lots of great people here who will support you. Read the stickys and keep posting, it will help.

So sorry that you have to deal with this.
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Old 11-04-2010, 03:59 PM
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my prayers are with you. i suggest praying for her. my mother has cirrosis and still drinks.there is nothing i can do but show her that i can stop and my life is so much better sober. maybe soon she will see thru my actions
i know this has to be so hard for you
its goood that you came here and let it off ur chest
my prayers are with you sweetie thru this difficult time
kristin
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Old 11-04-2010, 04:01 PM
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Thanks Still Waters

She has been out about a month and a half. Today while cleaning I found more vodka under the bathroom sink...must have been in her purse when she got home and had to rush to the bathroom yesterday...holy mackerel!

A little about me...I'm a pretty happy person aside from this...good friends and hobbies...same job almost 10 years and going strong. Always looking for the next challenge in life...love the outdoors...hiking and camping out under the stars.

Seems I've lost my best friend and can never get her back...
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Old 11-04-2010, 04:02 PM
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Thanks everyone dollydo, kdr143 and all
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Old 11-04-2010, 04:03 PM
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Welcome to the SR family!

You will find loads of support and information here. We understand what it is like living with a loved one that is addicted to alcohol. You are not alone.

I am sorry about your wife's diagnosis, and about her choices.

One of the first things I learned here was the three C's of addiction:

I did not cause it
I can not control it
I will not cure it

It helped me to put the responsiblity back where it belongs: with the addict.

There are permanent (sticky) posts at the top of this forum. They contain some of our stories and lots of wisdom. This is a link to a sticky that contains steps that have helped some of us:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
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Old 11-04-2010, 04:07 PM
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Hi, my brother died from cirrhosis, it isn't the easiest, but I believe he has the peace now he would never have had in life.
I know, you want to avoid that, YOU can't, it's your wifes chioce.
I would have my brother here with me if I could have done anything about it.
It's hard but true, it's her choice.
You have a choice also, look after you or don't. Maybe the best is to look into alcoholism, al anon, and any other support you can find.
Learn about what's coming, and what you can do for you.
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Old 11-04-2010, 04:13 PM
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Hi AurumToday
Sorry for what you are going through (((hugs)))
Have you gone to any AlAnon meetings? You will definitely find support there.
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Old 11-04-2010, 04:30 PM
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More than once she has mentioned she wants to die, not only to me but to her sister. She is so thin and gaunt. The bruises from her IV's seem to last a long time.

Not sure what will happen from here and like Pelican said, I agree with the 3 C's...

AlAnon, no...have not gone and most likely won't go...its not something I can stomach...not now anyway. Just talking here and reading all your answers is good therapy :ghug3

Guess the only way to sum it up...it seems like you are watching a real bad movie but are in the cast...just got to wait to see what the next page in the script brings.

We also have a wonderful daughter who knows mommy has been sick but does not understand the cause...my main focus is taking care of her, being the best dad I can be and keeping her on the right path. Thankfully my wife never really drank in front of her...too busy sneaking and hiding it...maybe that's a silver lining?

I do worry about her making a bad choice as far as divorce goes...quite sure I would win custody with her history...kind of hard to be a good mom when you are passed out...

As always...will do everything in my power to keep our daughter safe and happy :ghug3
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Old 11-04-2010, 04:38 PM
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Get thee to an Al-Anon meeting...

Even if you've gone before and it didn't work for you. Give it another chance, and try at least six meetings, some different from others, before you make a decision to continue or not.

Good luck. Also, if you haven't already done so, I suggest a little research on detaching with love.

Take care,

Cyranoak
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Old 11-04-2010, 04:47 PM
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hello aurum-

Seems like all I can do is live my live and let the chips fall where they will...

i know sometimes it appears that we don't have choices, but we always have choices.

you're in the right place.

i understand that you don't want to go to alanon, but i would recommend taking a look at the twelve steps of alanon. they really helped me put things into the proper perspective.
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Old 11-04-2010, 04:51 PM
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Al anon was good for me, not something I can do regularly though (travel, kids, time etc) the twelve steps are awesome, even if you dont tell anyone youre doing them to a point!
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Old 11-04-2010, 05:43 PM
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I too would encourage you to go to several meetings. One of the meetings I go to has a second meeting after for folks who are dealing with serious medical issues (like you are) with the alcoholic in their life. Their are several in the group,whose qualifier has already passed away from alcohol related issues. These folks are a HUGE support for those going through it now.
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Old 11-04-2010, 05:45 PM
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Aurum,

So sorry to hear about the place you're in.

You have come to the right place. I've found nothing but compassion and support here and I'm sure you will too. Actually, you already have!

Please try an Al Anon meeting. I've been to 4 or 5 and it's really starting to have an impact on my life. One of the meetings is a men's group.

Please keep posting.
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Old 11-04-2010, 05:54 PM
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Hello Aurum, and welcome to SR.

My father is the adult child of two alcoholics. They were both already dead before I was born, within a year of each other.

My paternal grandmother already had advanced cirrhosis at 42, and died of a heart attack (at least that was what was listed on the certificate of death). My paternal grandfather died earlier that year, drunk, in a fire that started at the club he owned.

My dad doesn't drink, but had two alcoholic brothers. My mother doesn't drink, but had an alcoholic brother.

I was the next in line to pick up the bottle.

Thank God I broke the family chain, and have been sober for some time now.

I too encourage you to attend some Alanon meetings. Alcoholism is a family disease that affects everyone, even the children we think we are protecting.

There was no alcohol in the home I grew up in, but I can guarantee you there was something very wrong.

I am glad you found us, and please do keep posting!
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Old 11-04-2010, 06:31 PM
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Growing up with an alcoholic parent, whether the parent drinks in front of the child or not, creates very different and difficult things in a human being's life. Your child is affected by her mother's drinking, whether you are aware of it or not. One of the greatest gifts you can give to your child is to learn as much about the disease of alcoholism as you can, and to learn about who your child IS: A child of an alcoholic. For more insight, feel free to go to any library and pick up a book or two about us children of alcoholics. Because think about how difficult this is on YOU, a full grown adult. Now think how difficult this must be on a child, who does not have the years of experience or emotional maturity that we have. To add to this, I assure you that there is a dynamic between the alcoholic parent and the child that you are not even aware of. If you won't go to AlAnon for yourself, go for her. Please give it some consideration. Thanks.
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Old 11-04-2010, 06:44 PM
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"AlAnon, no...have not gone and most likely won't go...its not something I can stomach...not now"

Keep an open mind and don't rule it out forever. I have a spiritual connection with the people in my group that is priceless.
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