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So much for No Contact

Old 11-02-2010, 04:57 PM
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So much for No Contact

So for those who remember my story, it's been 3 months since I left my XAGF/fiancée. I decided to go no contact, but she has been trying to make contact every 2 weeks or so. She's calling from different numbers, so I answer.
If you remember, when I left her, she went crazy and vindictive, and called the police and told them I hit her. Even after we sat down and talked back in August, and said our goodbyes, she still claimed that I hit her.
2 weeks ago, when she tried to contact me again, she sent an email apologizing for everything, for calling the police, for lying to me, and all the rest.
I emailed her back and told her that as long as she's not willing to admit to me that she lied to the police, and that I did not hit her, her apology means nothing, and I don't want to hear from her again.

She chose to not contact me, instead of admitting the lie.
Today she calls me, again from a different number, and tells me that she's pregnant and that I'm the father. Now I don't believe any of that, since she got her period after the last time we had intercourse, but there is about a 12% chance that that is true.
She said she doesn't want anything from me and she just wanted to let me know.

I told her again that I don't want to talk to her until she admits she lied. She's still not willing to do it. She claims she's had a spiritual awakening, and kept signing all her emails with "bless you". I think she now developed a narcissistic disorder, since she kept implying how she's better than me now that she's had her awakening.
Then she went back to saying I abandoned her and that I didn't give her unconditional love like I was supposed to.
She keeps saying how good a person she is, but she's still not willing to admit the lie. She said she's haven't had a drink since I left. I thought that a period of sobriety will change her for the better, but she actually seems to be getting worse.
I really need to maintain the No Contact. I told her not to contact me ever again, but I'm sure she will at some point. Maybe i should change my phone number.
Just wanted to share, thanks for reading!
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Old 11-02-2010, 05:00 PM
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You may be able to block her from calling, check with your cell phone company.

Talk about a drama queen she is.. ugh.
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Old 11-02-2010, 05:04 PM
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As she is calling from different numbers, it would just be best to change your number.

Sounds like she went to a meeting or two and now is using 'jargon' from the 12 step program without doing the work on herself.

For your own peace and serenity, please continue the No Contact.

J M H O

Love and hugs,
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Old 11-02-2010, 05:06 PM
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I can't block her, she uses Skype, so it keeps showing different numbers, or "Unknown", that I can't ignore, since my parents' number is also blocked.

I'm starting to think that the addict personality was actually the nice one, and that without the alcohol, when the fog is lifting, she's actually worse.
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Old 11-02-2010, 05:12 PM
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I agree with your thought about changing your number. If you truly do not want any contact, you have to make the changes in order to make that possible. Changing your phone number and e-mail address would be a big help.
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Old 11-03-2010, 03:05 PM
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actually, you can...

Phineas, she is what she is and you clearly see that she is mentally ill and manipulative, still using, or all of the above. However, to say you can't answer because of your parent's phone number may be an excuse you use to continue answering the phone (this might be a drama addiction which is not uncommon on these boards, and which I sufferred from myself for a long time).

Regardless of the excuse you provide (Skype, Parents, etc.), you categorically don't have to answer the phone. At all. Ever. Tell your parents about the situation or tell them you are no longer answering blocked calls, tell them to unblock when calling you or to leave a message, and simply don't answer the phone unless you know who it is that is calling. It really is that simple.

I would add also that when listening to voicemail messages or reading emails, the moment you realize it is her simply delete, delete, delete.

Take what you want, leave the rest, but have the dignity to not make excuses about why you "have" to answer your phone. You don't have to answer your phone. Nobody does.

Good luck and best wishes,

Cyranoak


Originally Posted by phineas View Post
I can't block her, she uses Skype, so it keeps showing different numbers, or "Unknown", that I can't ignore, since my parents' number is also blocked.

I'm starting to think that the addict personality was actually the nice one, and that without the alcohol, when the fog is lifting, she's actually worse.
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Old 11-03-2010, 05:14 PM
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Every person and their definition of drama.
To me, changing my phone number or starting to screen all my calls seems like unnecessary drama.
I would rather answer a call and blow her off than miss an emergency call from my elderly parents.




Originally Posted by Cyranoak View Post
Phineas, she is what she is and you clearly see that she is mentally ill and manipulative, still using, or all of the above. However, to say you can't answer because of your parent's phone number may be an excuse you use to continue answering the phone (this might be a drama addiction which is not uncommon on these boards, and which I sufferred from myself for a long time).

Regardless of the excuse you provide (Skype, Parents, etc.), you categorically don't have to answer the phone. At all. Ever. Tell your parents about the situation or tell them you are no longer answering blocked calls, tell them to unblock when calling you or to leave a message, and simply don't answer the phone unless you know who it is that is calling. It really is that simple.

I would add also that when listening to voicemail messages or reading emails, the moment you realize it is her simply delete, delete, delete.

Take what you want, leave the rest, but have the dignity to not make excuses about why you "have" to answer your phone. You don't have to answer your phone. Nobody does.

Good luck and best wishes,

Cyranoak
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Old 11-03-2010, 05:27 PM
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These are your words:

I really need to maintain the No Contact. I told her not to contact me ever again, but I'm sure she will at some point. Maybe i should change my phone number.

You brought up the option of changing your phone number. How would you miss a call from your parents if you gave them your new number? You were complaining that she keeps calling after you have told her not to. It's totally your decision, but we're just going by what you said. If you don't mind just blowing her off when she calls, then what's the problem?
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Old 11-03-2010, 05:34 PM
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Yeah, I'm playing with the idea of changing numbers, but the more I think about it, the more I think it's unnecessary drama.
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Old 11-03-2010, 07:31 PM
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Originally Posted by phineas View Post
Yeah, I'm playing with the idea of changing numbers, but the more I think about it, the more I think it's unnecessary drama.
When my ex-fiancée walked out on me, some very upsetting calls came in a few days later. Unfortunately my youngest daughter answered the first time, and some drunken bimbo was screaming obscenities and saying leave the ex-fiance alone (I had no idea where he was, or how to contact him). She hung up on the lady.

The lady called right back and I picked up the phone that time. I gave it to her with both barrels, told her to never call again, and hung up on her.

Five minutes later she called again. I hung up on her, immediately called the phone company, and had a new unlisted number within 20 minutes.

No more drama.

Life is good!
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Old 11-03-2010, 07:57 PM
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I totally understand where you are coming from Phineas. I have had the same problem with crazy alcoholic and addicted people I have involved myself with calling me. I also have elderly parents who I want to be able to call me at whatever time they need to call me. And no, I did not want to have to go through the hassle of changing my number. So, With my XA&ABF, I set a clear boundary: DO NOT call me after 6:00 and do not call me drunk or high. For the most part, he respected this (I was truly amazed). But it just went to show that you really do teach people how to treat you.

As for the other alcoholic, addicted person who kept calling me, I filed a restraining order against her and she never called me again.
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Old 11-03-2010, 08:08 PM
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Too many people have my number, people I wouldn't want to cut off just for one person's idiotic behavior. If you are strong enough NOT to answer then try it, if you really must then change the number I guess.

Maybe she will cool down and stop calling.
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Old 11-03-2010, 09:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Babyblue View Post
Too many people have my number, people I wouldn't want to cut off just for one person's idiotic behavior. If you are strong enough NOT to answer then try it, if you really must then change the number I guess.

Maybe she will cool down and stop calling.
So far the pattern has been that she's trying to contact me every 2 weeks or so. Different excuses every time.
One time she said she wants to return some piece of equipment I gave her.
Another time she said she wants to pay me back all the money she owes me.
I sent an email telling her she has my address, and we don't need to talk for that.
Just this time, with her claiming she's pregnant, unsettled me. Most chances she's lying, either about the pregnancy or about who impregnated her, but that small chance that it's true, and it's mine, is bugging me. She lives in a different state now, with her parents, so at least I know she can't show up at my work.
I guess time will tell if she's lying or not.
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Old 11-03-2010, 09:47 PM
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Originally Posted by phineas View Post
I can't block her, she uses Skype, so it keeps showing different numbers, or "Unknown", that I can't ignore, since my parents' number is also blocked.
I totally screen my calls now. My friends and family know this. If the number comes up blocked or unknown, I wait for a voice mail message. If there is none, well then I don't call back. The bonus with my phone is that once I programmed certain phone numbers in - even if they were unlisted - when they call, their name shows up. But I don't know if there is there a difference between unlisted and like completely blocked/private numbers and I don't think I know anyone who uses Skype...

Originally Posted by phineas View Post
I'm starting to think that the addict personality was actually the nice one, and that without the alcohol, when the fog is lifting, she's actually worse.
I totally get this feeling. There were days when STBXAH was so much easier to live with when he was totally drunk. Then I only had to deal with the slurred speech, the three-quarter-closed eyes and the fear that he'd not get up or would confuse the closet or bed for the bathroom. When he decided to 'prove' he didn't have a problem by not drinking for a few days, he could be an absolute ogre. Everything I said or did made him mad. He could not talk to me without snarling or telling me what a frigid b---h I was. He used physical intimidation to get what he wanted.

I'm lucky now that we have a civil no contact order in place. I'm starting to not be afraid when my phone rings. I still screen my calls, though, just in case.

I hope you find a way to deal with calls/contact from your XAGF. Wishing you peace, Phineas.
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