fourmaggie

this is what my A friend kept saying to me YOU NEED HELP....even though i look at 4 empty RUM bottles and scatch my head and thinks....DO I?( I am in AL ANON)..

A is in NA recovery (i guess) but now knows he was active in my household when living here....

I believe this was his way to belittle me and maniuplate the situation...the ISMs i am sure..

what words or actions have you gotten...from your A?

I just had to add this...and it rang a bell...OMG, did it ever..::Manipulators try to get close to YOUR friends in order to feed misinformation behind the scenes, so that they come off looking like martyrs when they pull the rug out.

Still Waters

Well of course, we're sicker than they are! I've heard it too!

wicked

I heard that alot that I needed help.
I did, I was an alcoholic, and suffering from a major depressive disorder,
but what I had did not change his "isms" or lessen them in any way.
Maybe to him.
LOL

Beth

Lola1024

I have heard this too Maggie. You need therapy, you need help etc etc. Often during drunken defensive mode. Anything to take the focus off the drinking and avoid consequences.

Actually I did need help - I got that help and the strength thru Alanon and later SR that helped me get out of that relationship with ABF. The help I received didn't work out so hot for him but it certainly did for me.

pixilation

Yep, same here, drunken defensive mode. Difference between him and I, I realize i have a problem and am working on it.

bookwyrm

I heard this too. Then I went for counselling and he really freaked! Paranoia is really ugly when it gets up close and personal!! But I guess it was justified cos once I got help I stopped being someone he could easily control!

naive

yes, i've heard it too.

and my answer was "yes, i do. i need help. that's why i'm seeing a therapist and going to open AA meetings."

Jadmack25

Got told I needed a "shrink", must be going thru "the change", and had become a dead fish in bed.

Nearly, oh so nearly believed him, and went to GP.....where tests said I had been thru change few years before, and didn't even know it.

Dead fish may have had something to do with him being a smelly old drunk, who snored like an old motor bike...when he made it to bed that is. Of course his being totally impotent had nothing to do with it, I guess. Oh duh!!!

My GP told me I was in danger as he sank into dementia, and Mr Hyde took over, so I took the plunge and left when it became obvious he was not going to change a thing.

Daybreak

I was told I need to go to Al-Anon because of MY issues. So I did. Then I was told I needed to stop going to Al-Anon. ROFL

Kindeyes

Sometimes I think the most powerful "argument" is agreement. It diffuses their objective. We do need help. You're getting that help. So......what's his point?

gentle hugs

Thumper

My xah put a lot of energy into telling me I was just having a mid life crisis. He polled all his friends (you know - the one's downing a case of beer at the golf course) and it was unanimous - all their wives had a mid life crisis and left them because of hormones. True story. He even told the counselor that.

He was right about one thing. I was having a crisis all right. I was married to an alcoholic.

phineas

I heard that only yesterday in an email my XAGF sent. After I told her that I do not want any form of contact with her before she admits that she lied to the police, she told me I have serious issues and that she hopes I can get some help.

I guess it slipped her mind that she scratched herself, told the police I did it, and ended up in a hospital after an suicide attempt. But I'm the one who needs help.

theuncertainty

STBXAH spent a lot of time blaming all of our relationship problems on the "fact" that I was frigid. It was also why he tended to be a "little rude" to me and why he "occassionally" had a "couple" drinks.

(OT-Lola, I love your new raven avatar pic. They are my favorite bird and that is a great picture.)

fourmaggie

Anything to take the focus off the drinking and avoid consequences.
posted by Lola

I totally agree with you on this...he is NOT taking responsiblity for HIS behaviour and needs to point the finger back at ME...but he seems to forget there are 3 fingers pointing back AT HIM...."consequences??" HELL NO, not for him...HE IS BETTER THAN THAT....(lolololol)

Sometimes I think the most powerful "argument" is agreement. It diffuses their objective. We do need help. You're getting that help. So......what's his point?

posted by Kindredeyes

HE knows i am in AL ANON...I dunno what his point is either...*shakes my head and still looks at 4 empty RUM bottles*

TakingCharge999

OMG.. I was told the same... to "work on my self worth" by a DRUG ADDICT, and that "I needed to see a psychiatrist" by an ALKIE.

The thing here is the way they tell it to you.. anyone can come and say "look it seems you are suffering a great deal, perhaps you need to look at this or that and not be alone in your struggles".. from a place of LOVE AND TRUE CONCERN... and it will be good.

Then the other is the kind we are talking about here "the best defense is a good offense".

Since I talked to pro's and raised my self esteem a little I feel better but all that "its YOUR fault!" is part of the sick downward spiral, for them at least, I am grateful we are not intoxicated, we are more humble and introspective and able to ask for help... so we can stop dancing to that sad, sad tune.

pixilation

yes theuncertainty, I got that today "none of this would be happening if you weren't such a prude" <rolleyes> I wish I had gas money so I could leave before he gets home in the mornings, graveyard shift is nice in the fact that I'm able to sleep at night, but it's damn near torture during the day, watching him drink while I try to do all my everyday stuff.

I did end up leaving around 2:30 today, I had a few dollars I could put in my tank(not enough to get me into town) and just drove around for a bit with youngest son, then picked middle son up, and we drove around some more for another hour or so. It was well worth it, to give youngest a nap and get me out of the nonsense.

fourmaggie

aah, yes the TONE they use(like I am the little child, and they know better...HAHAHA)...but, its still the same pointing the finger at me, and me noticing the other fingers pointing at him...*still shakes head...*

fourmaggie

now., I own my own power...mmmuuuhhhaaaa

sailorjohn

Doesn't matter. I do need 'help'.

They can do as they please.

Their 'point' is immaterial to my recovery.

acdirito

Boy, am I glad that I found this thread. Everything that has been posted is Soooooo true.....especially in my case. I am in therapy dealing with all my anger and resentment with living with my alcoholic husband of forty years. But in my case I believe my AH is playing dirty pool. As a result of a massive stroke that I suffered in DEC 2009 I, also, suffer from short term memory recall. I can not trust a thing my AH tells me, because I don't always remember the exact facts as they actually are. My AH will do and say anything to justify his actions, or lack of action, and his words to me. Thank God for my two adult children that can help me with remembering the facts.

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God loves me where I'm at, but He loves me too much to leave me there.