transformyself

So I had a fight with AH after he said some nasty things to me and flew into an absolute rage. Then i realized, what the hell am I doing? Why does ANYTHING this man says or does affect me? He's A DRUNK! I'm as sick as he is if i let his perception of me or the world affect me in any way.

This may sound elementary to you, but to me it's huge.

Of course, this means I have to discount about anything he says or does, which is tricky because he can appear sane much of the time.

Whatevah. Back to my life I go.

Still Waters

Truth. They are excellent actors. Though I'll say this, as their alcoholism progresses it becomes harder and harder to keep up that act. My STBXAH can't keep it up except from an isolated position..so he has totally broken himself off from his entire family, has no friends that visit his home, and of course has me to blame for it all

I wouldn't take what a raving lunatic says about me seriously, and that's what they are transform. Sick lunatics.

keepinon

I too,still try to agrue with sick people..like trying to teach a pig to sing..you fail and it annoys the pig! God 4 u!

theuncertainty

I think it's HUGE too. What a great insight, Transform. I'd been having a hard time with a similar issue. My counselor had to point it out to me: "He has emotionally abused and hurt you and DS; he is an alcoholic who refuses to see that he has a problem; he has repeatedly lied to you about both big and small things; he has run away from his responsibilities as a husband, father, son, brother. Who is he to get to say who you are and what kind of person you are? Why do you give his words and behaviors more weight than your own words, feelings, or knowledge?"

It was a major lightbulb moment for me. He's nobody. He's currently behaving like a POS. He has absolutely no ground to stand on. He does not get to tell me who I am or what kind of person I am. Now I just need to remember that with each new verbal assault he slings.

TakingCharge999

Even if he were the Nobel Peace Prize...

Aw, what a huge lesson..... since I remember I craved attention and compliments and treasured them... UGH.

I mean, I have been with me 28 years and I still don't know me, so what do others know about me, really ??? nothing!! only God knows me and I hope I start seeing myself through Her compassionate eyes.

Kassie2

Great job T - it is a valuable lesson that keeps on giving!

I am having many insights lately and it gets better.

transformyself

God I love this program.

Eventually I believe these types of triggers will lose their power. As it is , I'm light years ahead of where I was just a year ago.

In the meantime, learning to let go of things quickly makes life a wonderful place.

Jadmack25

TC are you ever going ahead in leaps and bounds. Should give you the Kanga Medal for that.

It sounds weird later on, to realise that so many of us actually don't know or trust US, and even knowing someone is a spaced out, wacko drunk.....we can still take in their crud comments and let them hurt us, despite knowing they are not true.

When we reach that level where we know who and what we truly are, we are free to hand all referred crud back whence it comes, telling the sender "this is yours not mine".

I do not have a clue what actually makes a Luny tick, or really care much any more, as it was just too much stress, hassle and hurt.

Kassie2

Yes, we
keep learning and growing and changing. It is the natural cycle of life.

LexieCat

Good goin', Transformie!! It's so amazing when we realize someone else has no power over us--unless we give it to them.