LaTeeDa

No apology necessary. As I said, I agree with you in principle, just not in this particular case.

L

Learn2Live

noday,

Go back to where you were before he sent the email. NOTHING has changed just because he decided to type something up and hit <Send>. You are reacting to the email, just as he knew you would. You took the bait, now pull the hook out of your mouth and swim away.

I strongly believe in the maternal instinct. And in your case, the courts agree. You KNOW what is right for your child, and you are doing the right thing. You have given him the opportunity for visitation and he has refused. Perhaps that is a power struggle, who knows? REFUSE the guilt. REFUSE to second-guess your own instincts. Follow your heart, which we know is that little girl.

Take care of yourself girl.

Still Waters

He's a nutcase, stay away from him, keep that child away from him.

Change email addresses, change phone numbers, whatever you need to do.

JenT1968

Would it be a huge pain in the ass for your family to change their email addresses? If ex doesn't know them then it wouldn't matter what email account he set up he wouldn't be able to get to your family to harass them, which is his modus of harrassing you by proxy.

I am thinking that sadly there is a serious business opportunity for someone who is prepared to offer an email scanning service for seperating couples and those with abusive/addicted ex partners who have children together, a neutral 3rd party who could filter out the BS, forward any threats/overt harassment to lawyers, keep a record of and then forward any tiny, hidden nuggets of pertinent info to the intended recipient.

They could answer all manipulative rubbish with the name and address of the solicitor to contact for formal correspondance. If I lose my job, my redundancy money is going to go on setting that up, want to join me Noday? I'll do Canada, and you can scan the UK-based messages.

in the interim, honey, I understand your fear, I really do, although I am not dealing with the same magnitude of crazy. Please don't let this make you ill, can someone else collate this evidence for you?

tjp613

this!!!

TakingCharge999

I agree he knows what to do and who to contact, if its true he sincerely misses the child.

And saying "how much he cares" paying what he OWES reminds me of other people I have known. Doing a bare minimum expected from anyone and trying to pass it off as an extraordinary act of love and worthiness.

Keep moving forward!!

HealingWillCome

Noday, here is what I got as I read his email: It is full of admissions of his guilt, followed by attempts to blame shift. Really lame attempts. To me, there is nothing in that message that says, "I am an honest, devoted, loving, responsible father." Not one word.

Good dads make their child support payments the first time, every time, and on time. Good dads show up in court to fight for their children. Good dads treat their former spouses with respect because it's the right thing to do for the children's sake. Good dads respect their children's grandparents and their right to peace and privacy.

Honestly, I am an outsider looking in, and his message...to me...well, he just sounds delusional. Manipulative. I read it a second time, as if I knew nothing about your background, and I still get the same picture of him. He does NOT sound like a "poor, victimized father."

Stay strong and don't doubt yourself for one minute!

Hugs and peace to you.

sesh

OMG even reading about it scared the living sh1t out of me. If I were you I'd also do anything to keep my child away from that man.
I am not profesional but I believe this describes the bahavior of an sociopath to a bone.
Here is link, maybe you'd like to read it:
Profile of the Sociopath
Just an idea, but maybe you can use this in court and demand a psych evaluation for him (maybe you already did that, IDK).

I think you're doing great. I believe it takes a great a character strength to be able to see this man for who he really is and to be able to run away from him. And you did it.
This speaks to me whatever happens you'll be fine and you'll be able to protect your baby girl. I don't have any doubt in you.
Take care

freebuthurting

Yep - he sounds like "catch of the year" doesn't he.



Well done to noday for all the reasons Sesh just said.

naive

translation of XAH letter to NoDay

i've been busy drinking and have just sobered up enough to write a cohesive letter.

i have never paid a penny to you for my child and now will only pay because of the judgement. if there is anyway i can get out of paying, then i will not pay any money because i need all my money to buy drink and cigarettes.

i am making the back payments to avoid going to jail, not because i feel you deserve them. if i thought you needed money to raise a child, then i could have made voluntary payments directly to you. as it is, i am pissed at you and hard at work scheming how to get out of giving you and DD any money.

.
as history tells, i did not cooperate until you forced me to by law and i'm furious with you for doing that.

it's so much easier to just have another drink and blame you rather than try to stay sober enough to get to court. plus, now that you don't drive me everywhere, it was too much hassle to get there.

i am too lazy to bother to do the things required to get visitation with my daughter. i actually don't care too much about her, but i'm pissed at you and this is one way of pushing your buttons, which gives me pleasure.

my foggy, confused alcoholic brain actually made this up and i now actually believe it.

really, i am threatening you with this made-up lie that i now believe. i have every intention of pursuing you for child support tomorrow when i sober up...or maybe the next day...or hey, next week is soon enough...

i just like to harrass you because you outsmarted me and i know i am so much smarter than you. wait until i show up in court once i get over this hangover, get out of debt, get my clothes clean, beg a lift, tap $20 from someone...once i do those things, i'll be in court to get my rights.

Jadmack25

Reading his email drivel, simply tells me that nothing in this creep has changed, and short of a great miracle, he will stay the abusive, manipulative and lying psychotic he always has been. I would be surprised.....dumbfounded even, if he ever changed his way of behavior, or sent any honest mail to you.

I do not what world this reject from realism inhabits, but I hope he stays north of the equator because just reading of his beliefs and actions, scares the heebies out of me, and I sure don't want him heading down my way.

I agree that changing mail addresses may help, especially for your poor dad who does not need this "special" attention from Mr WayOut.

Where are the Sopranos when you need them?

Keep plodding noday, cause one day it will be done and dusted.

tjp613

Naive, I LOVE you!!!

coyote21

Some one else mentioned it on another thread, but I just wanted to agree here, Naive is truly a master at interpreting "drunk speak".

Some how the title "Drunk Whisperer" doesn't sound right, but I do think she deserves SOME kind of honorary title.

Noday, please try to remember bullies are all talk no action. He's been trained all his life that his crazy behavior/threats work because every one has thus far been intimidated into doing as he wants.

Time to retrain him.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

transformyself

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ire-naive.html

Jazzman

First I'd like to comment on your ex.. what a dick. I'm certain as time passes these acts of cowardice will no longer cause you to doubt your sanity, make you waiver or frustrate you in the least. What a shame that your Father had to see this.

transformyself

True that Jazz. I can see the same effect in my life. The longer I'm out of range of these types of attacks, the more clearly I can see my own worth.

nodaybut2day

Me too!!! Thanks for the giggles this morning. It really helped put things into perspective.

As for changing emails, only a few of us can get it done, as others have businesses that are directly tied to their emails. The best that can be done is just block email addresses as they are created and learn how to simply DELETE whenever b.s. comes along.

Thanks SR. I don't know what I'd do without you (probably shrivel away into a little puddle of self-pity...)

theuncertainty

Hi, Noday. I'm glad to see you have your sense of humor back. I'm sorry to read that your XAH is still pulling this cr-p and harrassing your dad and family.

Big old bear hugs for you, DD and your dad!