Is his alcoholism progressing............
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: England (UK)
Posts: 163
Originally Posted by kia 
sorry i did have to smile at that hes gone off with another woman but i hadnt reached it when he left now i think maybe i have i dunno but i still worry about him cant help that i still love him despite what hes done hes sick thats the bit i gotta remember and that bad with the drink atm i dont think he knows what way is up and shes apparently fun to be with she dont stop him drinking she encourages it wonder how long she will stick arond once he starts pooping himself cos its already started only matter of time before he cant control it wonder how long she will think this is fun for and does a runner but he made this bed im just sitting back now to watch his choice xx
It just somehow seems appropriate here.
She was, of course, correct. I have now changed the bed as well as the sheets. (speaking metaphorically of course - my real bed has always been clean thank god....even when AH was here).
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: southport merseyside
Posts: 536
Originally Posted by freebuthurting
When I realised what a mess my marriage was in I told myself I had made my bed and had to lie in it. Then a very good friend pointed out that just because I made my bed and had to lie in it did not mean I could not change the sheets when they were full of s**t.
It just somehow seems appropriate here.
She was, of course, correct. I have now changed the bed as well as the sheets. (speaking metaphorically of course - my real bed has always been clean thank god....even when AH was here).
It just somehow seems appropriate here.
She was, of course, correct. I have now changed the bed as well as the sheets. (speaking metaphorically of course - my real bed has always been clean thank god....even when AH was here).
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
You know....we used to tell the story around here about how if you put a frog in water and slowly heat it, it will stay right there until it boils to death.
I haven't had to deal with a partner's addiction in years. My X's son was an addict, but a grown man and I didn't have a whole lot of trouble blowing that off and out of my life...from years of being at SR, thank you all so much! But it still caused problems between X and I because he was always hanging on the edge with all the drama.
Anyway, we get like that frog.
I still forget how truly outrageous and ridiculous some things are.
The look on my partner's face when I told him about this dilemna on this thread was freaking priceless.
The idea that someone was really pooing all over the place????
He doesn't have that "yeah, that is what they do."
Personally, I am really glad for that too.
Now, on a personal level...Good lordy, I am so sorry for all your losses!
That is surely going to take some intense healing time.
I hope you will be able to avoid any and all extraneous and extra stresses that you can...you sure don't need anymore.
That stress can be like that boiling water.
I haven't had to deal with a partner's addiction in years. My X's son was an addict, but a grown man and I didn't have a whole lot of trouble blowing that off and out of my life...from years of being at SR, thank you all so much! But it still caused problems between X and I because he was always hanging on the edge with all the drama.
Anyway, we get like that frog.
I still forget how truly outrageous and ridiculous some things are.
The look on my partner's face when I told him about this dilemna on this thread was freaking priceless.
The idea that someone was really pooing all over the place????
He doesn't have that "yeah, that is what they do."
Personally, I am really glad for that too.
Now, on a personal level...Good lordy, I am so sorry for all your losses!
That is surely going to take some intense healing time.
I hope you will be able to avoid any and all extraneous and extra stresses that you can...you sure don't need anymore.
That stress can be like that boiling water.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Susie, that fear of being alone, on my own, kept me in some of the sickest situations for so many years.
I sit here in my computer chair, smelling the rain outside. My big lovable goof of a greyhound is laying under my desk, sound asleep. The other dogs are sacked out in their respective napping spots.
The house is quiet, void of the insanity of active alcoholism. I have come to cherish that.
The only thing holding you back is you, my dear!
You can make it on your own, I promise.
I sit here in my computer chair, smelling the rain outside. My big lovable goof of a greyhound is laying under my desk, sound asleep. The other dogs are sacked out in their respective napping spots.
The house is quiet, void of the insanity of active alcoholism. I have come to cherish that.
The only thing holding you back is you, my dear!
You can make it on your own, I promise.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Yesterday as soon as I lied on my bed (no one drunk and horney on said bed, YAY!) my 2 cats walked in one after the other, jumped to the bed and laid on my tummy. LOL. It was like they had practiced...
Thanks all for sharing your stories - how incredibly sad situation. I am very grateful, because otherwise I would be imagining Ex Alkie is behaving like a normal loving person (
) and this brings me back to reality about what the future would have held with him.
I am sorry your AH is going through so much, but you can't cure him, or control him.
I hope you can get to Al anon and/or therapy, and remember the joy that has always been yours. Since I live alone (2 days and counting!) I am AMAZED of how much peace and how much energy I got...
Thanks all for sharing your stories - how incredibly sad situation. I am very grateful, because otherwise I would be imagining Ex Alkie is behaving like a normal loving person (
) and this brings me back to reality about what the future would have held with him.I am sorry your AH is going through so much, but you can't cure him, or control him.
I hope you can get to Al anon and/or therapy, and remember the joy that has always been yours. Since I live alone (2 days and counting!) I am AMAZED of how much peace and how much energy I got...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 18
Redheadsusie, your initial post brought tears to my eyes. 11 years is a lonnnnngggg time. I've been battling for "only" a year and I think I know what I must do.
Be strong for YOURSELF and children. Life is short.
Be strong for YOURSELF and children. Life is short.
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Susie - The thing that jumped out at me is that you said you were afraid to "lose" your mother-in-law. Would you really? Don't you think she would be perfectly understanding of your desire for a real life?...supportive even?
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 220
How sad is it that StillWaters "poop filled underwear" story actually made me laugh.
There was a time in my marriage that my AH was wetting his pants and the bed. Due to this and other craziness, I was fairly convinced that he was not only an alcoholic but mentally ill as well. I felt completely stuck ~ what kind of person would I be if I turned my back on him? So, I understand why the strong and healthy one chooses to stay in the horrible marriage sometimes. For me, it was because I felt a deep obligation to take care of him, because he seemed totally unable to take care of himself. I'm not saying it's right, but I do understand it.
As it turns out ~ when my AH is sober (as he has been for the last 6 months), he is perfectly able to take care of himself. I won't make that mistake again.
I'm sorry you are going through all this!
There was a time in my marriage that my AH was wetting his pants and the bed. Due to this and other craziness, I was fairly convinced that he was not only an alcoholic but mentally ill as well. I felt completely stuck ~ what kind of person would I be if I turned my back on him? So, I understand why the strong and healthy one chooses to stay in the horrible marriage sometimes. For me, it was because I felt a deep obligation to take care of him, because he seemed totally unable to take care of himself. I'm not saying it's right, but I do understand it.
As it turns out ~ when my AH is sober (as he has been for the last 6 months), he is perfectly able to take care of himself. I won't make that mistake again.
I'm sorry you are going through all this!
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
Reading this thread has been very very helpful for me as well (and informative). And so gross!!
I had NO idea that lack of bowel control was so common. Not a very romantic scenario at all! It has strengthed my 'i'm not going to see you until you are in recovery' stance. It is quite sad actually to know that adults will get to this point and still not get help.
This has been so so helpful. You are all awesome folks for revealing some rather personal experiences with your partner. I admire you all very much.
I had NO idea that lack of bowel control was so common. Not a very romantic scenario at all! It has strengthed my 'i'm not going to see you until you are in recovery' stance. It is quite sad actually to know that adults will get to this point and still not get help.
This has been so so helpful. You are all awesome folks for revealing some rather personal experiences with your partner. I admire you all very much.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: England (UK)
Posts: 163
The problem with a thread like this is that it makes me start thinking my AH is "only a bit alocholic" 'cos he was no where near that stage ....
You don't need to remind me though folks - I know it doesn't work like that.
I do have to re-iterate the thanks from babyblue though for those of you who revealed such personal stuff. It must have took a lot of guts to write so openly and honestly. Thank-you for having the strength to do that - it has benifited a great many of us.
You don't need to remind me though folks - I know it doesn't work like that.
I do have to re-iterate the thanks from babyblue though for those of you who revealed such personal stuff. It must have took a lot of guts to write so openly and honestly. Thank-you for having the strength to do that - it has benifited a great many of us.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Originally Posted by freebuthurting
The problem with a thread like this is that it makes me start thinking my AH is "only a bit alocholic" 'cos he was no where near that stage ....
You don't need to remind me though folks - I know it doesn't work like that.
I do have to re-iterate the thanks from babyblue though for those of you who revealed such personal stuff. It must have took a lot of guts to write so openly and honestly. Thank-you for having the strength to do that - it has benifited a great many of us.
You don't need to remind me though folks - I know it doesn't work like that.
I do have to re-iterate the thanks from babyblue though for those of you who revealed such personal stuff. It must have took a lot of guts to write so openly and honestly. Thank-you for having the strength to do that - it has benifited a great many of us.
I dind't understand what does it really mean when they say: alcoholism is progressive disease. That is why it is really important to educate yourself about disease, and I mean all the deatils you can learn, the way it affects the body, possible complications, all the diseases that alcoholism can cause, the way it alters one's personality slowly but systematically... As only when you understand all that you can trully appreciate the fact it does not get better unless the A comits him/herself to hard work on recovery. There is no exceptions to this rule. As otherwise it will just keep getting worse, gradually.
IMHO ignorance is denial's best friend.
So the simpe truth is if they don't stop drinking they will eventually start doing any kind of crazy behaviors, as their bodies will be more and more affected and it will start to show in one way or the other.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: New England, U.S.
Posts: 169
very well said and that is a huge reason why it's taken me 20 years to finally get out! and I am very strong in my thinking. i am not willing to stand by and witness the progress. I can relate to the poster that worried about her AH being alcoholic AND mentally ill....i was there, not anymore. he is still helpless, but that is his choice because it is selective and i have choices too (says the woman who just realized that only a few short months ago) and i'm going to use them!!! thank you all, you have no idea how helpful your posts are for me!
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: England (UK)
Posts: 163
Originally Posted by sesh
I understand what you're saying very well. I've been on SR for years, on and off, and often I did feel like you've explained in your first sentance. So each time I've sliped back into denial. As reading about such stuff as in this thread (that later became my reality too) always left me thinking he is better than that, he is different. It didn't cross my mind at the time the only difference is: he only didn't get there just yet.
I dind't understand what does it really mean when they say: alcoholism is progressive disease. That is why it is really important to educate yourself about disease, and I mean all the deatils you can learn, the way it affects the body, possible complications, all the diseases that alcoholism can cause, the way it alters one's personality slowly but systematically... As only when you understand all that you can trully appreciate the fact it does not get better unless the A comits him/herself to hard work on recovery. There is no exceptions to this rule. As otherwise it will just keep getting worse, gradually.
IMHO ignorance is denial's best friend.
So the simpe truth is if they don't stop drinking they will eventually start doing any kind of crazy behaviors, as their bodies will be more and more affected and it will start to show in one way or the other.
I dind't understand what does it really mean when they say: alcoholism is progressive disease. That is why it is really important to educate yourself about disease, and I mean all the deatils you can learn, the way it affects the body, possible complications, all the diseases that alcoholism can cause, the way it alters one's personality slowly but systematically... As only when you understand all that you can trully appreciate the fact it does not get better unless the A comits him/herself to hard work on recovery. There is no exceptions to this rule. As otherwise it will just keep getting worse, gradually.
IMHO ignorance is denial's best friend.
So the simpe truth is if they don't stop drinking they will eventually start doing any kind of crazy behaviors, as their bodies will be more and more affected and it will start to show in one way or the other.
He is living in a dry county now and has been for a month - he has no transport of his own and the nearest alcohol is 30 minutes away. This is a good place for him to be as he is also with his own children. He also says he has not drank for 2 weeks.
I said thats all good but he also needs to work a recovery programme and get involved with AA. He needs some councelling too - the things that man has lived through would honestly be enough to give most people a nervous breakdown. He knows I am working on myself and my very many issues.
Do I believe him? Not yet.
Am I open minded? a bit
Do I see us being together again? Not within this 12 month period.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: New England, U.S.
Posts: 169
cleaning the bathroom isn't half as much fun as this....i always do a little work, then come back and post for a reward, hahaha, then go back and do a little more. right now is my coffee time, so i have coffee with SR. it works great!
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Something for you all to think about:
The family member who died early this year - they found adult diapers in her bathroom. She was under 40. Her incontinence had nothing to do with her drinking. It must have been..her bulimia? Some reaction to her medications?
Denial is truly an amazing thing.
The family member who died early this year - they found adult diapers in her bathroom. She was under 40. Her incontinence had nothing to do with her drinking. It must have been..her bulimia? Some reaction to her medications?
Denial is truly an amazing thing.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: New England, U.S.
Posts: 169
so terribly sad, and my thinking could be wrong, but i have to think that even though the drinking may not cause certain symptoms, it does hamper the person from trying to get proper care to manage health issues or even notice if they are having reactions to things, ect. I know the alcoholic in my life can't even tell if he needs medical attention, nor does he care, even if the issue isn't related to drinking, indirectly it becomes related because he takes such horrible care of himself by eating poorly, sleeping poorly, and not able to even have regard for his physical maintenance.
I am so sorry to read of your loss and my thoughts could be way off, but it is how it looks here in my little corner, for hte moment anyway. so terribly sad no matter what the cause.
I am so sorry to read of your loss and my thoughts could be way off, but it is how it looks here in my little corner, for hte moment anyway. so terribly sad no matter what the cause.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: England (UK)
Posts: 163
Originally Posted by missphit
so terribly sad, and my thinking could be wrong, but i have to think that even though the drinking may not cause certain symptoms, it does hamper the person from trying to get proper care to manage health issues or even notice if they are having reactions to things, ect. I know the alcoholic in my life can't even tell if he needs medical attention, nor does he care, even if the issue isn't related to drinking, indirectly it becomes related because he takes such horrible care of himself by eating poorly, sleeping poorly, and not able to even have regard for his physical maintenance.
I am so sorry to read of your loss and my thoughts could be way off, but it is how it looks here in my little corner, for hte moment anyway. so terribly sad no matter what the cause.
I am so sorry to read of your loss and my thoughts could be way off, but it is how it looks here in my little corner, for hte moment anyway. so terribly sad no matter what the cause.
I think SW was being sarcastic though.
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