missphit

hahaha, okay, i didn't get that...must be too serious today....that would sit much better with me....right!! thanks FBH

freebuthurting

Sarcasm is sometimes lost in text. Thats why smilies were invented.
lol

Still Waters

I was illustrating the mind bending denial that goes on by everyone surrounding the alcoholic, not just the alcoholic themselves.

Alcoholic: Oh, don't mind that poo there on the floor. I'm having some stomach issues.
Clueless Family: Have you been drinking?
Alcoholic: No, of course not! How can you even think such a thing! You know I'm seeing a therapist about my eating/sleeping/other issue!
Clueless Family: Oh, well...okay. Let me help you clean that up!

This, sadly, is a true story. Even while she was crawling on the floor there were still questions about why. Maybe a mix up with her meds? Weak from not eating enough?

No, she was so drunk she couldn't walk.

We don't expect people to lie to our faces in the presence of proof. And we're hesitant to disbelieve or interfere with adults.

freebuthurting

I was laughing so hard till I got to the second half. Its sad really.

Still Waters

It's very sad. Tragically.

But - we can't fix it.

veryregretful

Thank you for this thread. My AH is in denial still. He is saying I ruined the marraige by cheating. Which I did not do.

He also has stomach issues he says it must be something he ate. He frequently pees the bed and himself when he is downstairs in basement. He says that is from always having a peeing while sleeping problem since a kid.

Today I'm having a very bad day. I talked with AH and know I shouldn't have but conversation was to be about the kids. Today he stated he was going to leave a note and kill himself.

He did go to my house this morning. My son is home sick from school. My AH came in the kitchen and left a note and left. Didn't even know my son was home.

I'm glad I keep coming back here to read. My mind goes back to reality when I am here and I'm doing what's best for us. No more chaos.

Deesire

Susie,

I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through in the last year. Thanks for sharing in your post. Please know that you not only have choices now, but the choices do remain and you can act on your option to not live with your AH whenever you choose to. I, too, am still learning to trust that whatever happens to me, including serious illness, I will be able to handle, even though I live on my own and have only an aging mother as immediate family. I am learning to trust that there will be friends, or distant relatives, or government support workers or something else or someone else to give me the help I might need in the future. And enjoying the peace and quiet of living on my own.

tjp613

You should call the police and tell them what you just told us. It's the right thing to do. (((Hugs)))

veryregretful

I know I hijacked the thread. Sorry.

He even texted me that he was stepping out of this life and tell the kids he loves them forever.

I don't even know where he is to begin to call authorities. I can try and call the people he has called recently.

I'm afraid he'll actually do it as he has been severely depressed. Now he has to have a biopsy on his lung as the nodules grew bigger in a month. Probably cancer. I know that's no excuse for suicide and drinking still. But I'm afraid of what my son read on that note.

I have compassion for this man but I don't want the chaos anymore. I should start with the Authorities in my town. Also, need to get an order so he can't come to the house.

This most likely is a way to manipulate me. I don't know.

I don't know what else to say at this time......

coyote21

So he left a suicide note for your son to find? Nice.

I would sooo call the police on him, then I would change the locks.

If you follow through I promise you he will NEVER pull THIS particular manipulation again.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

Live

just phone 911 and tell them what all that you know

veryregretful

I get home from work before the kids get home from school. I should have been the only one seeing the note. My son just happened to be home sick from school today. And AH didn't know he was home. I'm leaving work in a minute.

I'm going to have to call someone. I didn't want to but I guess I have to be stronger.

Still Waters

You don't have to call anyone. It's not your problem really.

You should, in my opinion, call and have the locks changed. And I might call the police or make a trip to their office to hand over the suicide note - then wash my hands of it.

It's totally your call, this IS something you can control.

veryregretful

I came home and talked with my son. He only read the top page which did not say anything about suicide. The later pages did.

My son told me he texted his dad. My AH said to him that it was my fault. My son texted back - no, it's not. Your an alcoholic and I see it all the time. My son also told him he hated him. That's a very strong word. That is what he feels at this moment.

I told my son it's not his fault. I told him he is entitled to his feelings. He said he felt a little relieved that he told his dad how he felt. I don't agree using the hate word.

I haven't called anyone yet. He mentioned tell his bro he's sorry so I'm thinking of calling him first.

I still think it's only manipulation. I have to go read co-dependent no more. That really helps.

I would have to call three different state police departments. He could be anywhere in three states.

I have to read the other thread about the alcoholic slicing his wrists. Maybe it will help unjumble my brain.

suki44883

I agree with Still Waters in that you do not need to call anyone. It sounds exactly like an attempt at manipulation to me. Why would your husband tell your son that it was all your fault?? He's still trying to control you and trying to use your son in the process. Your son deserves major kudos for not falling for the BS and turning it right back around where it belongs...on your husband!

veryregretful

Thank you Suki

I don't like the word hate but I am very proud of him for saying how he feels. He usually a quiet kid. My AH thinks I'm cheating on him. My son said he always does that. My son said that his dad thought I was having an affair with his brother.

These kids are smarter than we think.

Jadmack25

I hate what your AH is heaping on both you and your son.....all the misery, anguish and guilt he gets a small feel of, and whoosh he flings it over to you. He probably doesn't believe you are cheating, but as he can't really get you on anything, he is using this as a spur.

My late XAH accused me of cheating on him, with a number of the men at the Homeless Men's shelter.
Later he tossed his lamb roast dinner into the rubbish, as he told me I was trying to poison him but he was too smart for me. DUH!!!

HE carved the meat and put it on the plates of the 5 others dining with us that night, and the rest of the vegies, gravy etc was dished out by each person.

I still remember the stunned looks on those folks faces, and I reckon mine was just as amazed......and everyone thoroughly enjoyed that meal, some even had seconds.

A week or so later, I left and he was free to head downwards and on to the misery of nursing home care.

Your AH should not be able to wander into your home, least of all to put a letter with ideas of suicide where your boy could see it. I do think that letter should be handed over to someone to act on, that your AH be told to stay away or he will be charged with trespass, and the locks changed to good solid ones immediately.

It was his choice to drink his life down the drain, and consequently your marriage went down too, which of course he finds impossible to believe.....so YOU wrecked the marriage. You do not need to be wondering where he is or what he may be doing, so the sooner you stop his ability to enter your home the better. At least that can be 1 less worry you have, and Lord knows you need your home to be a peaceful and safe place for you and your son.

Please hand him over to the experts to handle, and secure your home.

God bless

HealingWillCome

I don't remember VR -- do your kids go to Alateen? Sounds like now would be a good time to start?

tjp613

It's been my experience that they accuse you of the very thing they are guilty of.

Don't have a clue why it works out that way, but it does.

HealingWillCome

That crossed my mind too.