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Old 09-22-2010, 09:22 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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yeah crap. unbelievable crap.

well, she sat me down on her front porch and she said i have something real bad to say, then she asked me if i wanted to hear it. i was like "yes of course" and she just came right out and told me. i knew she had taken a test last week and she told me that was negative, but she took two positives on monday. my first question was had she been with anyone else besides me and she emphatically told me no. i then hugged her and told her that we would get through this....and we will. i am taking her to a doctors appt at ten in the morning
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Old 09-22-2010, 09:30 AM
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Well, I wish you a ton o' luck, Memphis.

Please stay here at SR -- I think you're gonna need us.
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Old 09-22-2010, 09:34 AM
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Well, if it turns out that she is pregnant and you believe that the child is yours, it sounds like it is going to be up to you to do your best to make sure she does not drink during the pregnancy. We had another poster here a while back whose girlfriend was pregnant and he informed her doctor that she drank quite heavily. While it's not what I normally would suggest, the welfare of your child is the most important thing.
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Old 09-22-2010, 09:36 AM
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at this point you have to make sure she doesn't drink unless you want to end up with a deformed child.

it's serious.
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Old 09-22-2010, 09:38 AM
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We discussed it and she actually said that "at least I know I wouldn't drink for 9 months", then later on she said, she is not responsible enough to have another child. And then she was saying "What if this would be the little girl I always wanted." Man, this is heavy and all new to me.
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Old 09-22-2010, 09:57 AM
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Sorry I know this must be hard for you. Tell her boy or girl this could be the turning point, wake up call, whatever, that she needs. Her boys need a mother too. This might be her time to turn things around, whether she has the baby or not, until she decides she shouldnt drink and think about what her children and you really mean to her.
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Old 09-22-2010, 10:01 AM
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HEAVY is just the word memphis.

Children are a game changer. And Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is real and devestating.

I do not trust an active alcoholic to tell me the truth about their drinking. After I read Under the Influence I developed a profound respect for what a momumental effort is required by the alcoholic to find recovery, That compulsion to drink is so strong - stronger than ANYTHING: than love of family, than love of health, of baby's health, of self-respect, of ANYTHING.

Please do mention her drinking habits to her doctor - don't let her minimize how often or how much she drinks. Most of us discover at some point that the drinking we see with our own eyes is only the tip of the iceberg.

Maybe print her out some info on FAS. A shift to recovery at anytime is marvelous for an A, but right now the focus for me would be on just no drinking for 9 months to prevent birth defects.

And yet, you can only control what you can control -- it is so hard!! Looking forward to other's responses -- stay strong memphis - keep posting - we're all here for YOU!
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Old 09-22-2010, 10:12 AM
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Damn.

Crap.

Merde.

*Otherexpletiveindicatingfrustration*

Ok, well, if this pregnancy is for real, if she doesn't miscarry (it happens more than you know), and if you are the biological father, this is a whole new ballgame memphis.

The statement "At least I know I wouldn't drink for 9 months" is total bull. Despite all the goodwill in the world, she is ADDICTED to a substance and it'll take a monumental effort on her part to keep herself from drinking. I strongly suggest that you discuss with her doctor her drinking as well as the implications of detoxing while pregnant (if I remember correctly, she's constantly drinking these days, right?). I don't know what the ramifications would be for the fetus.

Normally, I'd just say "step away from the alkie" but in this case, you may well be dealing with your unborn child who has no protection whatsoever against his or her own mother's addiction. As much as it sucks, you may have to intervene to protect your child, but then again, you can only do so much.

Please let us know how things went at the doctor, but more importantly, please let us know how YOU are doing.
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Old 09-22-2010, 10:15 AM
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Thanks. I stayed with her last night and told her this morning that I don't want her to fall apart and that I would be there every step of the way and would support any decision she makes. I also expressed that her health, both physically and mentally, is very important at this moment in time and asked her to please refrain from drinking. That not doing so, would only magnify her problems and emotions.
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Old 09-22-2010, 10:16 AM
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maybe she really feels like she can't handle another child. if she doesn't want another kid, how much more stress and pressure will that be on her if she does have one?

you two need to decide what to do about this.
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Old 09-22-2010, 10:20 AM
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Originally Posted by nodaybut2day View Post
Damn.

Crap.

Merde.

*Otherexpletiveindicatingfrustration*

Ok, well, if this pregnancy is for real, if she doesn't miscarry (it happens more than you know), and if you are the biological father, this is a whole new ballgame memphis.

The statement "At least I know I wouldn't drink for 9 months" is total bull. Despite all the goodwill in the world, she is ADDICTED to a substance and it'll take a monumental effort on her part to keep herself from drinking. I strongly suggest that you discuss with her doctor her drinking as well as the implications of detoxing while pregnant (if I remember correctly, she's constantly drinking these days, right?). I don't know what the ramifications would be for the fetus.

Normally, I'd just say "step away from the alkie" but in this case, you may well be dealing with your unborn child who has no protection whatsoever against his or her own mother's addiction. As much as it sucks, you may have to intervene to protect your child, but then again, you can only do so much.

Please let us know how things went at the doctor, but more importantly, please let us know how YOU are doing.
Yeah, whole new ballgame for real.
I have been tracking her drinking on a calendar. She drinks 2-3 times a week. Bud Light Lime is her poison. And all the bud light limes in the world will not change the fact that she is a great person with wonderful potential.

I am taking her to the doctor tomorrow at 10am. This is a clinic (she is uninsured) to confirm that the otc test were in fact correct. I will try to discuss it with whoever we see, if they let me in the room, that she is an active alcoholic.
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Old 09-22-2010, 11:26 AM
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Originally Posted by memphis View Post
And all the bud light limes in the world will not change the fact that she is a great person with wonderful potential.
Ouch.

Where have I heard that before?

Sorry, Memphis... but my son is a wonderful person, too...but he just about destroyed me and the rest of our family with his drug use. Everyone here has poured their heart and soul into our addicted loved ones because they have "wonderful potential".

Just be careful and stay real. That's all.
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Old 09-22-2010, 11:34 AM
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Even if you aren't let into the room, you can call her doctor and let them know. They need to know because if, in worse case scenario if she doesn't stop drinking, they will know how to better manage her pregnancy as she will be considered a high risk pregnancy.

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, birth defects at NOFAS

You can give docs information about a patient. They just cannot divulge patient info to you due to privacy laws.

Please do it.
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Old 09-22-2010, 04:16 PM
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I stayed with her last night and told her this morning that I don't want her to fall apart and that I would be there every step of the way
These are exactly the words your girlfriend wanted to hear--that you will be there for her no matter what. It appears she's used one of the oldest, nastiest manipulations in the book by intentionally getting herself pregnant (or at least claiming to be) in order to keep her hooks on you so she can continue drinking and acting irresponsibly and you can just go right on picking up the pieces of her life.

Not only would I not believe that she is pregnant until I saw for myself the results of a pregnancy test, but I would not believe her claim of paternity until I saw the results of a paternity test with my own eyes.

Drinking isn't the only thing she's likely been up to when she's out at the bar or out with friends. Based on my experience and what I've read about on this forum, I wouldn't put it past her to try and trick you into taking care of a child that may not be yours.

If if feels like you're treading on a mine field here, that's because you are.
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Old 09-22-2010, 04:38 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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I have been tracking her drinking on a calendar.
Hi there, welcome to our family!

Generally, this website is not the place to figure out how to "help" your alcoholic. We help ourselves. Each other. Please don't take this as a statement that you don't belong here because that just ain't true.

We've all been where you are before. Obsessed with our alcoholics. Working so hard to try to help them.

If you're looking to improve your life, focus on yourself and learn about the steps of Al-anon, this is a wonderful place. Even if you're not ready, you'll still hear and learn a lot here.

Alcoholism. You didn't cause it. You can't control it or cure it.

Many of us have given away the best years of our lives trying to help addicts or alcoholics. And regret it. Had children with addicts and alcoholics that we LOVED SO MUCH. If you take some time to read those stories, you'll find desperate people who cannot believe how thier lives have turned into a Holy Hell.

Here's a great place to start.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-you-guys.html

You can bet Queenteree LOVED her husband when they married and had children.

And if you think it would never get that bad with your girlfriend, I suggest you learn mre about the progressive disease called Alcoholism.

Welcome! I hope things get better for you!
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Old 09-23-2010, 10:35 AM
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5-12-11 is the date the nurse wrote on the post it note, gave her a prenatal prescription and sent us on our "merry" way
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Old 09-23-2010, 10:41 AM
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No health history or nutritional analysis or lifestyle analysis?
Or was this just a pregnancy test and not a first prenatal appt?
Strange.
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Old 09-23-2010, 10:44 AM
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no its not strange. she did three otc tests and then she and i both went to a county health clinic. it's FACT!
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Old 09-23-2010, 10:52 AM
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Hm. Ok. How about social services? I don't know how things work where you live, but here, there are social workers that work in government sponsored health clinics, and are available for intake, from 8 to 8 Monday to Friday, and 8 to 5 Saturday. Seems your AGF needs some support and so do you...could social services help you?
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Old 09-23-2010, 11:10 AM
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So, Memphis....how do you feel about all this?
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