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Old 09-23-2010, 12:11 PM
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Well now. Have the two of you decided what to do? I mean, of your three options; abortion, adoption or parenting?

How are you feeling? Do you have a plan?

Here's some info from a conception calendar, based on her estimated due date
Conception Calculator estimates probable conception dates from Birth, LMP and Due dates.
These are probable conception dates based on an average 28 day cycle.

Of course this is an estimate too.

Results:

First Day of Last Menstrual Period: August 4, 2010

Probable Date of Ovulation: August 18, 2010

Possible Dates of Conception: August 14 to August 22, 2010

Due Date: May 11, 2011 (40 weeks)
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Old 09-23-2010, 12:14 PM
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Oh I didn't mean the positive preg test was strange. I meant that just sending someone off w/ a prenatal vitamin scrip and not taking a health history was strange, so I was curious if this was just a pregnancy testing clinic and not the actual place you'll be getting your prenatal care.

Hope you are OK memphis....
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Old 09-23-2010, 12:36 PM
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All my life I have been anti-abortion, largely in part due to the fact that I was adopted, and was raised at birth by loving parents. This is truly testing my values and beliefs.
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Old 09-23-2010, 01:38 PM
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I am going to suggest you begin going to al-anon meetings since you are going to be coping with the disease of alcoholism due to this pregnancy.

You have some really tough choices.
Do you want to adopt the child?

Will you ask for a paternity test?
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Old 09-23-2010, 01:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Live View Post
I am going to suggest you begin going to al-anon meetings since you are going to be coping with the disease of alcoholism due to this pregnancy.

You have some really tough choices.
Do you want to adopt the child?

Will you ask for a paternity test?
If i adopted the child, could she stay sober for 9 months? That's a bigger, rhetorical question. It's not really adoption, in lieu of sobriety, she would have to give up custody. I most certainly would not want my child to be reared by an alcoholic

Of course I would ask for a paternity test.


Gosh, my original post stated that I thought my situation was TAME compared to most on here. And I guess that is still somewhat true, but it certainly would not consider it tame any longer.
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Old 09-23-2010, 01:57 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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She needs AA and a sponser and you need Alanon and a sponser.
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Old 09-23-2010, 02:00 PM
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Blimey - this is a whole new arena for me. When I married my husband I knew he was an alcoholic at the time but knew very little of what alcoholism really was. However - despite our "dream" to have a child together I told him there was no way I was having a child with him while he smoked as much as he did - didn't want him dying of lung cancer and leaving me holding the baby! As the marriage progressed I realised that having a child with him was simply not an option, that the alcohol issue was even bigger than I first thought. The two children I already have from a previous relationship are my world - and they are the number one reason why I firmly put an end to the situation and separated from my husband.
On reflection - making sure that the "dream" of having a child together was not fulfulled, and that I never got pregnant, was one of the smartest things I did in that marriage and possibly the only truly correct reaction I had to his addictions (alcohol and nicotene).
You need to think really really carefully about this. Children change everything and they have no say about the situation they are born into.
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Old 09-23-2010, 02:15 PM
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The thing is, I'm not sure how much voice I have in the decision. I told her I would support any decision she makes, but just like I can't control her drinking, I don't think I can control the decision on whether she has this baby or not.
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Old 09-23-2010, 02:20 PM
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That is a very valid point Memphis. You seem like a really good guy - I really am sorry this is happening to you. I think you should look get some legal advice if the pregnancy continues though. Find out if there are any avenues to get the child and raise it yourself if she is an active alcoholic.
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Old 09-23-2010, 02:30 PM
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The thing is, I'm not sure how much voice I have in the decision. I told her I would support any decision she makes, but just like I can't control her drinking, I don't think I can control the decision on whether she has this baby or not.
While it's true you can't control what she does with her body at this point, you can still verbalize your wishes and boundaries. And have a plan in place to protect yourself.
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Old 09-23-2010, 04:48 PM
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I"m curious....WHY is she pregnant? How did that little oopsie happen anyway?
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Old 09-23-2010, 05:03 PM
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By the way, has she said anything if she wants to keep the baby and about raising it with you? A child is a HUGE responsibility. What's going to happen when the baby cries for hours on end and she's too tired or aggravated to deal with it? Who's going to change the endless diapers? Who's going to pay for daycare? Babies need constant attention, CONSTANT. Who's going to play with the baby?

I've 3 kids and one grandaughter and still get bothered EVEN in the bathroom!

You have better be prepared to deal with everything until the child is ready to leave the house. Maybe at 21, maybe later. And just you wait for the teen years when they don't act so precious any more!
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Old 09-23-2010, 05:27 PM
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Yeah memphis - things can go from tame to wild in a heartbeat!

peace-
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Old 09-23-2010, 05:30 PM
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Try not to overwhelm yourself Memphis. What you are going through is huge. It is good to have a plan but there are so many variables you don't know at this point. I can imagine how painful this must be if this child is yours and she doesn't stop drinking. The risks are great. There are no easy answers in your situation so keep the focus on the present.

One thing I would do is really be honest to yourself about who she is. That is probably the first stiep. It was the step we were trying to point out to you until the change in events. Until you really face that you cannot cure her drinking or control it then you will be better able to make decisions for yourself and your possible unborn child.
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Old 09-23-2010, 05:34 PM
  # 55 (permalink)  
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Get to a therapist as soon as possible. good luck
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Old 09-23-2010, 07:10 PM
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You and she both have legal rights and responsibilities. If I were you, I would consult a family law attorney (you, alone) and find out precisely what those are.
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Old 09-24-2010, 09:48 AM
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We have discussed our options in a very civil manner I must say. I told her I would support any decision she made. I also expressed my interest in our adoption option. She believes there is no way she could carry a child for 9 months only to have it taken away. At the same time I don't believe she would be the very best mother for my child where she is at in her life. We both have discussed abortion, we both are opposed to it and we both realize that this option would be something we would take to our graves. I know I am a changed man due to all that has been going on. This is a very personal and private matter and I am not sure discussing it on a website thread is appropriate. I think going to church and talking to God would be the best option. Please pray for us. Pray for her to be well.
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Old 09-25-2010, 06:10 AM
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If she really is pregnant with your child - you need lawyer.

And btw what are we 16?! - CONDOMS!!

You have a right to protect your unborn child. This woman that you say has a good heart and has great potential - is a drunk FIRST. Chooses alcohol over a being a good mother.

She's left her children alone to go drink and God knows what else. Driving drunk wiht them in the car, passing out drunk while they are home...?

And you're going to trust her with the life of your child - if it's even true.

Drunks will do and say anything to get what the need/want at the expense of anyone ever their own children. And she needs to be controlled in this case. She needs to know there are consequences for her stupid, selfish actions.

Earlier you said she admitted to not being responsible enough to have another child - that's probably the smartest thing she's ever said. Your response - your right Hey sweetie, meet my LAWYER!

Good luck
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Old 09-25-2010, 06:20 AM
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I'm praying for all of you Memphis.
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Old 09-25-2010, 07:06 AM
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Originally Posted by ChrrisT View Post
I

Earlier you said she admitted to not being responsible enough to have another child - that's probably the smartest thing she's ever said.

Good luck
I agree. Listen to her, she's not lying! She knows the difficulties that come with having a new child.
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