FreeingMyself

Being seperate from AH has it's benefits like seeing the how distorted and twisted his world is. I asked a simple question today - and well he lied...and I knew it...and that drives me insane. WHY? Because I believe he thinks I am stupid enough to believe him. And of course why would I believe he thinks I am stupid - because he has called me that so many times - along w/ the thosands of other insults. The more I think I "understand" how sick he is, the more I realize that I can't possible comprehend the degree to which he is ill. And for him this is NOT just when he is drinking - it is all the time! I thought it would be easy to untangle myself from this "hold" he has on me - but his maniuplation and words are more painful than I could ever imagine - it hurts so bad still...even though I feel there is nothing left. I need this to be over....and yet we have 2 kids together, so will it ever really be over...sorry just venting. I know the no contact think would be best....but our bills and life w/ kids is so intertwined, I find this to be nearly impossible......but it may come to that!

Still Waters

One step at a time. Cut contact to the bare necessities?

Some are really that sick Freeing, and when you take the alcohol away they get worse cause they don't know how to live "normally". Sad.

HoopNinja

I agree with StillWaters. Keep the contact to the bare essentials. stbxah does the same stuff to me-but sporadically. Now that I have disengaged I just either hang up or if lambasted in an email do not respond to what he just spewed but ask the same bland question again. Usually after the 3rd or 4th time of getting no response and the same question he will answer. If he does not, I email that since he is not responding to what I am asking that the arrangements are ---whatever. Sometimes it is like dealing with a child. You provide an option that is just opposite of what you want because then they are sure to disagree just for the sake of disagreeing and then tell it will be done the way you wanted it done in the first place. All the convoluted corredspondence to get a straight answer gets tedious sometimes though.

barb dwyer

the second it gets nasty -
the instant you feel a twinge -
'got another call gotta go. and don't answer if he calls back.

easy - do.

they can't take our power if we don't give it.

TakingCharge999

and yet we have 2 kids together, so will it ever really be over...

Yes.. many people here have kids with a XAH or XAW and it is over for them. I have seen XABF at the job daily and it will go on like this for years more I believe, but you know what I am getting more and more hope that it CAN be truly over for me, NO MATTER WHAT. My inner peace CAN prevail. Yours too!

I would like you to meet a woman from therapy- dad is alcoholic, ex husband is alcoholic, now son is alcoholic..and drug addict. I don't want to be pessimistic but the kids are learning how to behave and it would be very painful to see them turn out to be just like their dad. This woman is suffering tremendously, because all she wanted was for his son NOT to be one... and as I write this he is fighting for dear life in a rehab center. I don't want that for anyone.

barb dwyer

what i"m saying is -=

YOU set the boundaries ... not him.

he HAD the chance to set rules - and screwed it all to heck.

now ... these are YOUR shots.

see what I'm sayin?

Jadmack25

Top idea Barb, which takes away the voice abusing you and shuts him down. The only way he gets to keep hurting you is IF YOU ARE LISTENING to his rants. If anything like I got, I could have said it all myself, as I knew the script, backwards, from hearing the same crud over and over.
I once shut him up by saying "Lordy, you are so boring. Can't you change the script or are you incapable of being original?"

As soon as he starts his waffling the little nasties your way, tell him goodbye.

I have said "goodbye, I need to go for my cuppa right now." And also one I got from a pal, "I am sorry I have to go, but I think you have mistaken me for someone who cares."
The main thing is to IMMEDIATELY hang up the phone, never wait for a gasp or a "what", just say it firmly and hang up.

As Barb says he blew his chance with you, and it is over and down for you.

God bless

FreeingMyself

Thank you all, I know you are right. Him being so irrational gets the best of me sometimes, and yes I know I should be in control of myself. So, I'm going to remember this and when he starts, walk away or remain calm......I can do this. I have really come so far with all of this....and while I am still scared a little of life on my own...I can't imagine living in his crazy world anymore!