Backpedaling, and backpedaling, and suffocating
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Originally Posted by ChrrisT 
But I think - when that when it is the "end" you will care only about your own happiness. And that is how you will know you are over him.
The ego in me hopes that I am over him when he finds his true happiness. I still want to be the one who gets to share that with him.Thanks for the honest appraisal and the encouragement!
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Originally Posted by HealingWillCome
Umm, I'm kind of confused here. No, I didn't take him back because he was still active. That was someone else, maybe?
We were together for two years. After the first year, we broke up due to his drinking and his realization/admission that he needed help for it. Six weeks later, he came to me and was in counseling and working on recovery. Not in a 12-step program, but working on recovery, trying to do it with the counselor. After it looked like he was doing well, I naively took him back. Not much later, he was smoking pot and drinking again, and I realized I was always going to be 2nd place to the addictions. That was when I ended it, 5 months ago.
We were together for two years. After the first year, we broke up due to his drinking and his realization/admission that he needed help for it. Six weeks later, he came to me and was in counseling and working on recovery. Not in a 12-step program, but working on recovery, trying to do it with the counselor. After it looked like he was doing well, I naively took him back. Not much later, he was smoking pot and drinking again, and I realized I was always going to be 2nd place to the addictions. That was when I ended it, 5 months ago.
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Join Date: May 2010
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It is so hard to give up on the dream of 'Happily Ever After'. I am finding that the more I go no contact, the more I remember only the good things. I came very close to calling him yesterday, but I talked myself out of it. I know nothing has changed. I now believe that his primary motivation for getting sober was getting me back, and I had to break it off so he could do it completely on his own. I didn't tell him that. I told him I wanted to be alone, not a couple, not in a relationship. And I did mean that. I want time...time to feel what I feel, and come out on the other side. But yesterday and today have sucked. Could it be all the rain here on the east coast? I feel awful.
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That's funny, Seeking, I just posted something to you about this exact thing (the Happily Ever After dream) in another thread. You and I are going through the same things right now.
I believe the same thing about my X's motivation for getting clean and sober. I did tell him that it needed to be for him and not me. He said he understood that, but told me I was his guiding light. So far, he hasn't been able to beat it. He told me he had no idea how hard it was going to be, and he is struggling with the pot more than the alcohol. He went back to smoking it again, so even though he's not drinking, he is still an active addict. And he knows he can't give me what I need and deserve (his words to me). On some level, I respect him for that. He is not asking me for any future with him, although he tells me he'll be coming back for me when he is healthy. I'm not holding my breath for that at all. I'm trying very hard to move on with my life, letting him go with love, loving from a distance. It is hard, but it's the only way I can heal myself, as you understand very well.
I hope the east coast rain clouds go away soon. Hot and sunny here in the northwest. Wish I could send it your way. Hang in there. There are better moments on the way. Hugs to you.
I believe the same thing about my X's motivation for getting clean and sober. I did tell him that it needed to be for him and not me. He said he understood that, but told me I was his guiding light. So far, he hasn't been able to beat it. He told me he had no idea how hard it was going to be, and he is struggling with the pot more than the alcohol. He went back to smoking it again, so even though he's not drinking, he is still an active addict. And he knows he can't give me what I need and deserve (his words to me). On some level, I respect him for that. He is not asking me for any future with him, although he tells me he'll be coming back for me when he is healthy. I'm not holding my breath for that at all. I'm trying very hard to move on with my life, letting him go with love, loving from a distance. It is hard, but it's the only way I can heal myself, as you understand very well.
I hope the east coast rain clouds go away soon. Hot and sunny here in the northwest. Wish I could send it your way. Hang in there. There are better moments on the way. Hugs to you.
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