Blogs


Notices

New here (my rant)

Old 08-03-2010, 11:05 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Alabama
Posts: 9
New here (my rant)

Hi everyone!

I've been reading some posts and I can relate to some things, and it makes me feel better.

I recently moved my ex out for a series of things, mostly his alcoholic ways. It was a relationship that probably moved too quickly, but in a way I am glad because I realized what he was like right away (including his selfishness). Things started off great, but he never could go very long without a drink. Initially, he was getting drunk at a friends house once a week, and would come home wasted and I let it slide for the first few times. Eventually, I became resentful towards him for his behaviour because anytime he was drunk, his personality changed and I didn't see the man I had fallen in love with.

I tried everything from pleading (tried to make him see what it was doing to me, he didn't care), threatened (made the household alcohol free, told him if he went to his friend's house to drink again to take his things and not come back), and even bargained (he could do it IF it was in moderation). Obviously they all blew up in my face, particularly the moderation agreement because after a few weeks, he began drinking daily. It killed me and angered me to hear him drink a 6 pack in an hour's time (the snap of the can opening, he could rarely stop there). I cringed whenever there was a beer commercial on tv or it was talked about in songs.

One day, after drinking (what began as a pleasant day) he became verbally abusive (this time it wasn't just his sarcastic remarks), I was a horrible person in his eyes for whatever reason and what he said to me rolled off his tongue so easily and took me by surprise. Each conversation I had with him (little things like him helping out around the apartment) I was "attacking" or "nagging" him. It always started a fight, I couldn't talk to him about anything anymore. He would "create" things I had said to him or completely take something I said out of context.

He is a sub contractor and had been out of work for 2 weeks, so the least he could have done is helped me out around the apartment. Last Monday he was supposed to go back to work, called me later that evening to tell me he had gotten sick and decided to go over to his friend's house (where he got drunk) but thankfully he stayed there because it unnerved me to have to deal with him otherwise. He came home the following morning and went to bed, "planning" to go to work- I left- I have no idea but according to him he did go work for about 4 hours that afternoon. Then on Wednesday, after discovering he also ran up my cable bill with his porn addiction, I was fed up with his disrespect. I packed his things up and he was greeted at the door (and drunk again- reeked of alcohol), then told he was to get his things and move on.

I don't feel like I had it bad compared to some others, but then again, I didn't let him stay very long because I was not going to tolerate such childish behaviour. His reasoning when I when I was upset was he "wasn't hurting anybody or doing anything wrong", he "didn't cheat or physically abuse me".

For a couple of days I felt cold hearted and like a bad person because he was broke and homeless. He enjoys playing on people's feelings and I know I made a mistake talking to him on the phone. The last I heard from him was when I loaned him 20 yesterday, but if that's what it takes for him to leave me alone (besides my bills being more), I'll take it.

Thanks for listening to my rant! Blessings to you all. xx
bgrasp is offline  
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to bgrasp For This Useful Post:
bookwyrm (08-03-2010), Carol Star (08-05-2010), chicory (08-04-2010), HealingWillCome (08-03-2010), HoopNinja (08-04-2010), Jadmack25 (08-03-2010), Learn2Live (08-04-2010), Live (08-03-2010), nodaybut2day (08-03-2010), seekingcalm (08-03-2010), suki44883 (08-03-2010), TakingCharge999 (08-04-2010), theuncertainty (08-04-2010)
Old 08-03-2010, 11:22 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
RIP Sweet Suki
 
suki44883's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 32,136
You go girl!!

Hope you don't make a habit of giving him money though. You'll never get rid of him that way. The best way to handle it is to just go no contact. Block him from your phone or change your number, block him from your email or change your email address, no texting, etc. He is sure to turn up the guilt aspect and start in with the promises. My advice is...If you are done with him, then be done.

Welcome to SR! Glad you found us and decided to post. You'll find lots of support here.
suki44883 is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to suki44883 For This Useful Post:
bookwyrm (08-03-2010), Carol Star (08-05-2010), Jadmack25 (08-03-2010), Live (08-03-2010), wow1323 (08-04-2010)
Old 08-03-2010, 11:38 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Alabama
Posts: 9
Thanks, Suki!

He's lucky I had the 20 to give. I was laid off a couple months ago and he was eating up a lot of the funds and working very little. He might have brought in a couple hundred if we were in a bad bind, pretty much worthless any other time! He ate up most of the groceries that were bought so now I'm left with only a little, but I am very determined to do this. I have always been independent, so I'll do what I have to maintain.

I tried another site, but I really like this one because it's a compilation of everything from stories of "befores", "durings", and just dealing with the flood of emotions after.

((((((Hugs))))))
bgrasp is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to bgrasp For This Useful Post:
Carol Star (08-05-2010), chicory (08-04-2010), Jadmack25 (08-03-2010), Live (08-03-2010), suki44883 (08-03-2010), TakingCharge999 (08-04-2010)
Old 08-03-2010, 11:39 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
RIP Sweet Suki
 
suki44883's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 32,136
Yeah, SR is the bestest!!!
suki44883 is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to suki44883 For This Useful Post:
bookwyrm (08-03-2010), Carol Star (08-05-2010), Jadmack25 (08-03-2010), Live (08-03-2010), TakingCharge999 (08-04-2010)
Old 08-03-2010, 08:09 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Jadmack25's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Quoted: (((He "wasn't hurting anybody or doing anything wrong", he "didn't cheat or physically abuse me".

Well whoopty Do for him. He deserves a round of applause or a medal for NOT belting you up, for NOT cheating on you?

What does he deserve for bad mouthing you, when it was you keeping him, for drinking to drunkenness, for being too drunk or hungover to work, for not contributing cash or help into household? He gets what he got....told to take his gear and rack off.

NC is the way to go, no contact by phone, email, Facebook, letter, texting, and certainly no face to face. If turns up on the bludge for money again, tell him to stay away, not come again or Police will be called.

Now you can concentrate on caring for yourself.

God bless
Jadmack25 is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Jadmack25 For This Useful Post:
bgrasp (08-04-2010), bookwyrm (08-04-2010), Carol Star (08-05-2010), HoopNinja (08-04-2010), mrphillipctrs1 (08-03-2010), nodaybut2day (08-04-2010), Paintbaby (08-04-2010), TakingCharge999 (08-04-2010)
Old 08-03-2010, 10:37 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 28
Blog Entries: 9
I've heard that one from my husband too... "I've never cheated on you and I'm proud of that". I guess I should be grateful?

Good on you bgrasp.
subjugated is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to subjugated For This Useful Post:
TakingCharge999 (08-04-2010)
Old 08-04-2010, 11:14 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
theuncertainty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Blog Entries: 8
Good for you, bgrasp, and Welcome to SR!

theuncertainty is offline  
Old 08-04-2010, 11:47 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
missb89's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 143
Ha, I've heard the same thing. Mine would say, "So the ONLY thing thats a problem is my drinking, that's all?" Then I'd tell him how much he'd hurt me and he'd say "Did I ever physically touch you?" Blah, it's all bs just worded differently and I'm glad you got yourself out of that situation! :ghug3
missb89 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to missb89 For This Useful Post:
Live (08-04-2010), TakingCharge999 (08-04-2010)
Old 08-04-2010, 12:03 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: ft. lauderdale florida
Posts: 275
Been there done that sistha! I was 4 months preggers at the time.
wow1323 is offline  
Old 08-04-2010, 12:23 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Ca
Posts: 9
I've also told myself time and time again, "He's immature, a loser, an alcoholic and a drug addict, but he doesn't hit me and he'd never cheat on me."

Wow--lucky me.

The dodo threw a giant, heavy beefsteak tomato at me the other day during an argument (it's okay to laugh at this). It smacked me in the knee and splattered all over the kitchen. I said OW and he said "good!" And still I wanted him to calm down and make up with me. But a little piece of me was like, there! HE FINALLY ABUSED ME, so now I can leave without feeling guilty. What an idiot I am.

He's been stonewalling me for four days now (we live together, but now we're hunkering down in separate rooms and haven't spoken since the fight). I'm finally at a point where I am like--what was I THINKING!?!?!?!

Good for you for giving him the boot! And keep your 20s to yourself, especially if you're laid off too! Girl's gotta eat!
Ineverimagined is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Ineverimagined For This Useful Post:
Live (08-04-2010), TakingCharge999 (08-04-2010)
Old 08-04-2010, 12:34 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,262
Blog Entries: 5
I am sorry..but a tomato is funny!
Live is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Live For This Useful Post:
Ineverimagined (08-04-2010)
Old 08-04-2010, 12:43 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Alabama
Posts: 9
Lol @ tomato. That really is funny! Thanks for that =)
bgrasp is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to bgrasp For This Useful Post:
Ineverimagined (08-04-2010)
Old 08-04-2010, 12:43 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
HoopNinja's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
I heard the same thing for XAH and stbxah! Good grief. Is there some kind of I don't beat my wife or cheat on her so I am a good guy club?!

What is it with these guys that they think that qualifies them as someone ANYONE would love to have. Sheesh!

Good for you for kicking him to the curb. I agree with others. No more money. He can make his own money and it is not your job to give him money. He probably used it to go buy himself beer!

No contact is also good. I wish I could go NC with stbxah but we have kids.
HoopNinja is offline  
Old 08-04-2010, 02:27 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
A jug fills drop by drop
 
TakingCharge999's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,783
Have you listened the Beyonce song "irreplaceable"?

"I could have another you in a minute..."

Yes, lazy drunks, abusive types, children in adult bodies wander around us. Cheaters... and sometimes a mix of all that... oh do I get you on them eating all your stuff. I mean I eat a small sandwich and I am full, these eat 20 tacos and are not done yet !!

And its very funny when NOT doing something or picking up a pair of socks is seen like the ULTIMATE proof of love !


The other day an ex asked me "jokingly" to do some stuff I didn't want to.

He told me "please, give me your proof of love"

And I thought AM I REALLY THIS DUMB??

The heartbreak sucks but really life is stressful enough to have someone like that in your life.

I hope you continue working on you and your beliefs so one day you are ready to welcome a real partner in your life. I am working on that and it feels great as in FINALLY I get to live my own life and enjoy my own stuff in relaxation, pleasing only myself.

Someone told me recently I'm selfish. And I was like ..really??? thanks!! I am planning to be WAY more selfish! it has been a great compliment !! I think its the first time I am ever told that.....

Let him drink and abuse someone else, those guys don't change, or if they do its after they suffered horrible stuff and made others lives hell. It is not worth it... our lives and talents should not be wasted on someone else's problems...

The road is tough but we are together

TakingCharge999 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:44 AM.