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breaking up with a pot head: my story

Old 03-24-2013, 05:47 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Wow...this is my story...but I married him. You are doing the right thing for you sweetie. It took me a long time to figure it out and I finally gave up and left too, but not until after about 25+ years. It is lonely and crazy making to live with someone who smokes all the time. It kills me that people say it doesn't affect you like "real drugs"...BS.... they have never lived with someone who smokes.

Stay strong... take care of you. Know that it feels great to not have that in your life. Also, know that it can happen again.... I met another great guy who turned out to be a heavy drinker... not for me. I won't live with someone who is not 100% there. I deserve more, so do you. Hugs
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Old 03-24-2013, 06:00 AM
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Wow...this is my story...but I married him. You are doing the right thing for you sweetie. It took me a long time to figure it out and I finally gave up and left too, but not until after about 25+ years. It is lonely and crazy making to live with someone who smokes all the time. It kills me that people say it doesn't affect you like "real drugs"...BS.... they have never lived with someone who smokes.

Stay strong... take care of you. Know that it feels great to not have that in your life. Also, know that it can happen again.... I met another great guy who turned out to be a heavy drinker... not for me. I won't live with someone who is not 100% there. I deserve more, so do you. Hugs
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Old 04-16-2013, 08:46 AM
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I am unhappy with my marijuana addict boyfriend, shall i leave him?


I am in a relationship with a pothead for almost 3 years now. At first he knew that I really am against him doing it, so he hid it from me. Lately I noticed that he is not quite the same person whom I dated couple of years ago, he would ignore me, won't even want to go with me and since we are already living together I discovered that his addiction has grown into something he couldn't live without. That truth hurts me, I hate it, I just ignored and endured it, I just thought "Well, I know he was doing it before I dated him, so this might be the consequence." I would often think that maybe he doesn't wanna be with me anymore because I gained some weight or maybe he really is just a pothead. But now, I couldn't take the pain,his lies,excuses of almost anything. I am about to give up, like really about to leave him. He rarely comes home and when he does it's like almost dawn. I hate his friends, but there's nothing I can do about it, I am just feeling lonely,sad,depressed..blah..blah blah. He doesn't wanna work, he just want to get high almost all of the time.Majority of my friends who knew the situation are encouraging me to find someone better than him,because I am a good girl,, I just don't think it's that easy. I get along with his family and he to mine well but I am really unhappy, what should I do? Any advice will be much appreciated, excuse my grammar. Thank you![/LEFT]
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Old 08-03-2013, 10:51 AM
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How are you PurplePenguin?

Hi purplepenguin, I have only chanced upon your post now (3 years later) and I must say I had exactly the same experience! Only thing was that I broke it off after 2 months because I decided that it wasn't the life I wanted. Just wanted to ask how have you been after 3 years of this experience? I totally understand it must have been hard to let things go when you really like a person and hope the best for him...

xx
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Old 04-26-2015, 05:53 AM
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Thank you

I appreciate you wrote this years ago but I found this site last week in my search to make sense of my current situation. Your posting resonated with me so much as this is what I'm going through right now and I need clarity and feel horribly isolated.

Trying to find answers and logic where there is none.
So thank you for making me feel less alone through reading this.

Originally Posted by purplepenguin View Post
So I know there is probably a ton of stories posted here like mine, but I have actually found a lot of support online while looking for similar stories.
I recently broke up with a pothead. I pictured myself with this man for the rest of my life. We had that chemistry, that “click,” where everything just seemed right. Until slowly I began noticing his pot habit, which at first I considered harmless and just a habit, but it was definitely a full-blown addiction.

I grew up having many friends who were potheads, and I would smoke pot occasionally in parties with other smokers. I grew up with all these ideas that everyone had told me about pot… that it really isn’t a drug, that it really isn’t that bad, and that it doesn’t have severe short or long term effects besides fairly harmless side effects like memory less or clumsiness. And I believed everything I heard! I had no prejudices against it when I met and starting dating my ex-boyfriend.

What seemed so innocent seemed to take a turn for the worse. I didn’t realize he smoked every day, and often many times a day, until I began to see him more. Everything was happy and cheery in the dating stage, but I had no idea the extent to which he smoked pot. I remember staying at his house and waking up in the morning to him smoking. It was only until we periodically starting spending more time together that I realized the extent to which he smoked. He even tried to hide it, but after a while I think he just felt comfortable enough with me that he didn’t have to. I never voiced concerns, but I slowly became more concerned. I thought about leaving, but I was already so in love with him I figured that I would stick it out to see how things went.

I remember a trip we took to the beach, and he was obsessed with making pot brownies. I thought, okay, whatever floats his boat, but then I had a horrible time with him at the beach. From the morning that we left, his friends were driving atleast, he was eating brownies and he was just waaaay out there, completely stoned, and completely indifferent towards my presence. I was just so upset that he couldn’t have a good time without having to smoke pot.

He would smoke when he was happy, bored, or when he had to make a decision. He would smoke when he needed to study, when he was stressed out, or basically whenever he felt any high or low in emotions. It was his way to deal with everything. He is a very intelligent guy with a good heart, and I just found it so depressing that he didn’t want to deal with life and all its high and lows on his own. His emotions were like a roller coaster, moody and anxious one day to completely indifferent the next.

He had strained relationships with his family members and his friends because he would just literally disappear for days on end. His “good” friends would just kind of accept that he was like that. Sometimes his phone would die and he wouldn’t re-charge the battery for several days, just because he didn’t care… He didn’t care about a lot of things… He would always say that I was different and special because I was his girlfriend, or because I really understood him and knew him.

I noticed he started hanging out with one of his friends who is a girl quite a bit. I thought maybe he had a thing for her, and I even started to start worrying about his fidelity. But then one time I went with him to hang out with her, and I realized that she was just as much of a pothead as he was! Turned out that a lot of his friends, or people he considered good friends, were potheads as well.

Not to mention the money he would spend on pot! He is studying for his master’s degree and living on a scholarship. He didn’t have a whole lot of extra spending money… but he would need new shoes and instead spend all his money on pot.

He tried quitting for a month and experienced some pretty extreme side effects. His palms would get super sweaty, and he wouldn’t be able to sleep. He was anxious and very irritable. It didn’t last, he couldn’t handle it and went back to smoking pot every day like he had for the past four years.

Anyways, it is now done and over. I broke up with him several months ago, and now I have had no contact with him for 3 weeks just because it hurt me so much to be in contact with him. I thought the best thing I could do was be his friend and support him, but it was just too hard on me. I couldn’t carry the burden of being his friend when I am now in complete disagreement with the way he lives his life, in addition to still having feelings for him. It is unfortunate and difficult, because potheads are not horrible or violent people. He was extremely intelligent and had many good qualities, but I don’t want to live like he lives. I realized how addicts can affect the people close to them so much, but I know it doesn’t have to be that way. I only hope that one day on his own he will figure out that he has so much more potential. I have learned my lesson and will never involved myself with somebody like that again.
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Old 04-26-2015, 12:06 PM
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Don't feel alone ! I think more people are experiencing problems in their relationships because of addiction to pot, especially the pot of today !!!! It's the same as alcohol -a certain percentage of people become addicted to it and it takes over their life, their decision-making, their priorities. And for the partner, it's not much different than living with an alcoholic , same patterns of dysfunction because both are a drug. I think it really comes down to you and you alone -do you want to tie yourself to an addict for the next number of years? Are you willing to live in the denial that things will get better ? As someone said earlier, addiction of any kind is life-destroying for both the addict and the people around them . Only you can decide how long you want to stay in such a situation . I , for one , have had enough with addiction around me -I have a rule now - I don't smoke, I don't drink and I don't use drugs and I don't have anyone around me who does -that's just the Life rule I've adopted after my own experiences with addiction in my life . I wish you well and keep coming back !
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Old 05-19-2016, 04:45 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Pot addict

Hi this is ******, I have a similar story. I was dating someone and then didn't see each other for 3 years. We recently started talking again and his story hasn't changed. Most of the time he will say that he has to straighten out his life , work, health, debt but he doesn't mention his drug addiction. He keeps changing his mind, wanting me then not wanting me. Wanting to be with me then making excuses about not being able to function with me
In his life. He doesn't understand that it's his drug addiction and procrastination that do this to him. And the emotional ups and downs... I couldn't take the toxic cloud anymore. Yes he isa good soul, kind caring but with this addiction in the middle, he won't be able to stick to anything. I wish he understood this .




Originally Posted by purplepenguin View Post
Hey! Thanks for all the responses... I wasn't sure how everyone would respond since talking about pot as an addiction always seems to stire up some controversy.

I have had a lot of highs and lows. It is hard because I still think about him a lot, and at times I can only remember his good qualities, all the fun times we had, and all the sweet things he used to say to me.

I know he feels sad and misses me too, but I know he is probably just getting high to forget it all... like always.

I sometimes think, well, maybe it would be different if he could quit... but I know that is something he would have to do on his own without me. I'm just trying to refrain from contacting him and keeping up the whole no contact thing. I think it will be the quickest way for me to feel better.

Does anyone else have stories like this? Am I doing the right thing...?
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Old 05-20-2016, 07:20 AM
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Hi, Shakti1008, and welcome to SR. I'm glad you're reaching out for help and you found us here. Can I make a suggestion? You've posted your first post on a thread that was originally started in 2010, and thus you may not get a lot of traffic. It might be good if you'd start a new thread to tell us a little about yourself and your situation and any specific questions you have.

I hope you can read around the forum a good bit, and make sure not to miss the stickies at the top of the page. This is a pretty active forum, and I think you'll find some support and education here; I certainly have.
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