Originally Posted by purplepenguin

So I know there is probably a ton of stories posted here like mine, but I have actually found a lot of support online while looking for similar stories.
I recently broke up with a pothead. I pictured myself with this man for the rest of my life. We had that chemistry, that “click,” where everything just seemed right. Until slowly I began noticing his pot habit, which at first I considered harmless and just a habit, but it was definitely a full-blown addiction.

I grew up having many friends who were potheads, and I would smoke pot occasionally in parties with other smokers. I grew up with all these ideas that everyone had told me about pot… that it really isn’t a drug, that it really isn’t that bad, and that it doesn’t have severe short or long term effects besides fairly harmless side effects like memory less or clumsiness. And I believed everything I heard! I had no prejudices against it when I met and starting dating my ex-boyfriend.

What seemed so innocent seemed to take a turn for the worse. I didn’t realize he smoked every day, and often many times a day, until I began to see him more. Everything was happy and cheery in the dating stage, but I had no idea the extent to which he smoked pot. I remember staying at his house and waking up in the morning to him smoking. It was only until we periodically starting spending more time together that I realized the extent to which he smoked. He even tried to hide it, but after a while I think he just felt comfortable enough with me that he didn’t have to. I never voiced concerns, but I slowly became more concerned. I thought about leaving, but I was already so in love with him I figured that I would stick it out to see how things went.

I remember a trip we took to the beach, and he was obsessed with making pot brownies. I thought, okay, whatever floats his boat, but then I had a horrible time with him at the beach. From the morning that we left, his friends were driving atleast, he was eating brownies and he was just waaaay out there, completely stoned, and completely indifferent towards my presence. I was just so upset that he couldn’t have a good time without having to smoke pot.

He would smoke when he was happy, bored, or when he had to make a decision. He would smoke when he needed to study, when he was stressed out, or basically whenever he felt any high or low in emotions. It was his way to deal with everything. He is a very intelligent guy with a good heart, and I just found it so depressing that he didn’t want to deal with life and all its high and lows on his own. His emotions were like a roller coaster, moody and anxious one day to completely indifferent the next.

He had strained relationships with his family members and his friends because he would just literally disappear for days on end. His “good” friends would just kind of accept that he was like that. Sometimes his phone would die and he wouldn’t re-charge the battery for several days, just because he didn’t care… He didn’t care about a lot of things… He would always say that I was different and special because I was his girlfriend, or because I really understood him and knew him.

I noticed he started hanging out with one of his friends who is a girl quite a bit. I thought maybe he had a thing for her, and I even started to start worrying about his fidelity. But then one time I went with him to hang out with her, and I realized that she was just as much of a pothead as he was! Turned out that a lot of his friends, or people he considered good friends, were potheads as well.

Not to mention the money he would spend on pot! He is studying for his master’s degree and living on a scholarship. He didn’t have a whole lot of extra spending money… but he would need new shoes and instead spend all his money on pot.

He tried quitting for a month and experienced some pretty extreme side effects. His palms would get super sweaty, and he wouldn’t be able to sleep. He was anxious and very irritable. It didn’t last, he couldn’t handle it and went back to smoking pot every day like he had for the past four years.

Anyways, it is now done and over. I broke up with him several months ago, and now I have had no contact with him for 3 weeks just because it hurt me so much to be in contact with him. I thought the best thing I could do was be his friend and support him, but it was just too hard on me. I couldn’t carry the burden of being his friend when I am now in complete disagreement with the way he lives his life, in addition to still having feelings for him. It is unfortunate and difficult, because potheads are not horrible or violent people. He was extremely intelligent and had many good qualities, but I don’t want to live like he lives. I realized how addicts can affect the people close to them so much, but I know it doesn’t have to be that way. I only hope that one day on his own he will figure out that he has so much more potential. I have learned my lesson and will never involved myself with somebody like that again.

Originally Posted by purplepenguin

Hey! Thanks for all the responses... I wasn't sure how everyone would respond since talking about pot as an addiction always seems to stire up some controversy.

I have had a lot of highs and lows. It is hard because I still think about him a lot, and at times I can only remember his good qualities, all the fun times we had, and all the sweet things he used to say to me.

I know he feels sad and misses me too, but I know he is probably just getting high to forget it all... like always.

I sometimes think, well, maybe it would be different if he could quit... but I know that is something he would have to do on his own without me. I'm just trying to refrain from contacting him and keeping up the whole no contact thing. I think it will be the quickest way for me to feel better.

Does anyone else have stories like this? Am I doing the right thing...?