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My brother died

Old 08-01-2010, 02:51 AM
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My brother died

I started learning Jeff Bridges song "Brand New Angel" from the Crazy Heart film sometime in May.

I kept asking myself why am I learning to sing a death song? I knew my brother was dying, he had chronic alcoholism and cancer; he'd lost all his teeth to drinking and hadn't eaten properly for 10 years.

He was homeless frequently over the last 25 years. Then he would get himself together and find a menial job and a one-roomer. It was back and forth for him. Some months he had a place to live, some months, not.

His daughter found him 10 years ago living in a Christian shelter. He was finally eating and taking care of his hygiene. He moved to Arizona and into another shelter and tried AA. He was sober for brief time and I remember how he was a totally different person then, positive, happy, stable.

But he went out again and never came back.

He was caring and giving, and so intelligent. He was one of the most intelligent and well informed people I have ever known.

I spent about two weeks with him last summer at this time. I travelled to the states to try and fix a problem with another alcoholic brother who is also mentally ill. (I'm a codie, yeah).
It was a wonderful two weeks: I loved being around him and enjoyed his company. I loved him. I'm a recovering alcoholic and it was hard to see him carrying around his liquor in little brown bags, pouring his drinks into his 7/11 sodas. We had constant phone contact. He was eager to help in any way, despite his raging cancer.

He left his son and daughter, his twin brother and 4 grandchildren abruptly in the beginning of June. No reason. He just got in his car and left New Mexico for LA.

He spent the last 2 weeks of his life living in his broken down car in the parking lot of the VA hospital in LA. A car with 2 flat tires, a dead battery, full of junk food wrappers and vodka bottles and the smell of urine because the cancer had left him with no control over his bladder. Instead of checking himself in for treatment and a bed in the VA he lived in his car.

Finally, he walked into the emergency room of the VA one night and died there, completely alone.

Goodbye, Larry. You were worth something, but you never believed it. You were loved, but you didn't believe that either. May you rest in peace.

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Old 08-01-2010, 02:55 AM
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(((littlefish)))
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Old 08-01-2010, 03:00 AM
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(((Littlefish))) - I'm so sorry about your brother, ((Larry)). It's tragic. I'm glad you got to spend time with him and he sounds like a great guy, despite his alcoholism, and he ran out of time to find recovery for good.

Many hugs and prayers to you and all who loved ((Larry)). I do believe he is at peace, now, and you have a special angel looking over you.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 08-01-2010, 04:43 AM
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littlefish I'm so terribly sorry. Sorry for you & sorry for Larry & sorry for everyone who loved him. That is such a sad story. I wish for peace for you as you grieve your loss.

Love Helen.
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Old 08-01-2010, 05:32 AM
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My prayers go out to you and your family at this time (((littlefish)))
Special prayers for Larry.

I'm sorry.
D
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Old 08-01-2010, 06:57 AM
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I am so sorry for your loss Littlefish.
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Old 08-01-2010, 07:24 AM
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I am so sorry for your loss.
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Old 08-01-2010, 07:33 AM
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"
"
Goodbye, Larry. You were worth something, but you never believed it. You were loved, but you didn't believe that either. May you rest in peace.
Oh, how this has touched my soul. I am so truly sorry for your great loss. Your brother Larry sounds like he was a gentle, good soul, and he has found his rest now.

I cannot believe tho, that he did not know he was loved. The most important people sought him out, found him, loved him, and wanted him. That would make me feel loved.

It almost sounds like he did not want anyone to go through the painful time of his dying. He seems to have wanted to spare those he loved. How unselfish, in my mind. He did it his way. I am hoping that the big hug that I want to send him is reaching him. Larry sounds like a very special person, even tho he suffered from the monster disease of alcoholism- He is free.

Bless you, and his family. I hope that the time that you were all able to be together has given you precious memories.

Rest sweetly Larry. What a fine tribute has been written for you here. You have been very special in the lives of those who matter the most.

What a beautiful song. Thank you for sharing this. I am so so very sorry, for I am sure that your heart aches for time lost, and for his struggles. I am sure however, that the love he got from you guys gave him a lot of peace . I am glad that you have good memories to comfort you. Hold tightly to them.

God Bless,
chicory
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Old 08-01-2010, 07:33 AM
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Oh, littlefish...

Shedding tears for you and Larry, and lighting a candle. May he finally find the peace he couldn't find here. And how blessed he was to have you.

Hugs, hugs, hugs,
posie
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Old 08-01-2010, 07:46 AM
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so very, very sorry. it is indeed tragic. it sounds as though you have found peace.
a prayer just sent for you and your family.
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Old 08-01-2010, 07:51 AM
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I am so sorry Littlefish.
Prayers and (((Hugs))) to you and everyone who loved Larry.


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Old 08-01-2010, 08:11 AM
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Originally Posted by chicory View Post
"
"

Oh, how this has touched my soul. I am so truly sorry for your great loss. Your brother Larry sounds like he was a gentle, good soul, and he has found his rest now.

I cannot believe tho, that he did not know he was loved. The most important people sought him out, found him, loved him, and wanted him. That would make me feel loved.

It almost sounds like he did not want anyone to go through the painful time of his dying. He seems to have wanted to spare those he loved. How unselfish, in my mind. He did it his way. I am hoping that the big hug that I want to send him is reaching him. Larry sounds like a very special person, even tho he suffered from the monster disease of alcoholism- He is free.

Bless you, and his family. I hope that the time that you were all able to be together has given you precious memories.

Rest sweetly Larry. What a fine tribute has been written for you here. You have been very special in the lives of those who matter the most.

What a beautiful song. Thank you for sharing this. I am so so very sorry, for I am sure that your heart aches for time lost, and for his struggles. I am sure however, that the love he got from you guys gave him a lot of peace . I am glad that you have good memories to comfort you. Hold tightly to them.

God Bless,
chicory
I agree with chicory.

Every morning I pray for all us here at Sr.

I pray for the children.

I pray for those still living with active alcoholism.

I pray for those who have lost loved ones.

I pray for all of us still working through the aftermath.

The "Club that no one wants to be a member of" is getting bigger and bigger. It's very sad.

I'm sorry.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
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Old 08-01-2010, 08:12 AM
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So sorry for your loss. This is a horrible, cruel disease.
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Old 08-01-2010, 08:20 AM
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(((Hugs)))
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Old 08-01-2010, 08:28 AM
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I am sorry for your loss Littlefish. Sending hugs and prayers to your and yours.
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Old 08-01-2010, 08:34 AM
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So sorry littlefish- my heart goes out to you....gentle (((((((((hugs))))))))
peace
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Old 08-01-2010, 09:08 AM
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I am so sorry ((littlefish)). A horrible sad story of real life alcoholism. Your brother ((Larry)) was (is) truly loved. You have an awesome empathy and strong deep love for others. God bless you.
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Old 08-01-2010, 09:18 AM
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I am so very sorry for your loss (littlefish)....

Prayers for you and the family.
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Old 08-01-2010, 09:23 AM
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I'm so sorry to hear this.
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Old 08-01-2010, 10:04 AM
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So very sad ...so very heartbreaking.

Remember the best in him.

May you and your family find peace and serenity during this difficult time.
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