Feeling like a fool.......scared to death

Old 07-29-2010, 06:14 PM
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Feeling like a fool.......scared to death

Texted EXBF this am to tell him that I needed to be at the hospital at 7am, and that I was not reply-but then again he doesn't always have cell service there.
At 7pm having not heard from him I texted him again to see if he was coming down tonight or not, reply til 8pm, at which time he calls, tells me he was taking care of things all day, on the phone dealing with creditors etc. and that he was now on his way to his son's-which is close to where I live, and that he could stop by and see my but couldn't stay long as he had to go home and pack yet for the reunion (he is leaving tom and will be gone til Sunday afternoon-going to a high school reunion) I told him just to forget it, it sounded like he was just to busy and had to much going on, and that he didn't have to worry about coming down in the am to stay with my son while I had surgery-he'd be fine and prob sleep til noon anyway. He advised me that he wanted to come down as he had promised my son he would. I told him that this was what I was worried about when he moved into his sister's-that he would be to far away and we'd have no time together. He said "don't worry-we'll make it work out, it's just really busy right now" Told him I was feeling off and anxious about surgery tomorrow (the last surgery I had I woke up during and have had PTSD since and it also brought on my fibro, it was the most horrifying experience of my life).
I guess I am just really SEEING how much he cares-or doesn't I should say....and it hurts. I really don't want to see him tonight or tomorrow at all and hope he doesn't stop tonight and sleeps in tomorrow and just goes away for a bit-the stress of SEEING how little he cares is very upsetting right now with surgery looming ahead. The Dr gave me a valium to take tonight and one for in the am b4 I left so pray for me that it works....Im scared to death right now that this surgery will worsen the fibro that the last one brought on and I could loose everything I worked so hard for. On days the fibro is in full flare I can barely move....and I have a son counting on me and a disabled mother.....I need to be ok for them and for me. And right now Im upset and angry and scared and feel alone. I guess the ex never really did care-or he'd be here now......
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Old 07-29-2010, 06:58 PM
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Is this why you got back together with him? Because you have this surgery scheduled and you (understandably) need someone standing by you who cares, to lend you some strength during this scary time? Could this be why you changed your mind and met with him and negotiated a get-back-together?

Because WE are here for you right now 12StepnChick. Your SR family is standing behind you. I, myself, will say a prayer for you tonight for your successful surgery, and that you don't come out of the anesthesia in the middle of it. I will ask my HP for strength for you. And I bet lots of other people here will do the same.

And you probably already knew that he was not going to be reliable enough to be there tonight. That is why you went no contact in the first place. Have you been journaling? Because how could you forget everything you have already been through with this guy and actually get back together with him?
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Old 07-29-2010, 08:26 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
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You are in my thoughts and prayers right now, and will be in lots of others as well. It is scary going into surgery and your past experience was freaky for you, so no wonder you are worried.

As for EXBF, well lovie, let's face it, he hasn't been so hot up to now, so why would he suddenly become Mr wonderfully caring, and rush to support you?

Let him go, let him toddle of to reunite with whoever, and go thru the cr*p of pretending what a marvellous and successful man he is to old school pals, who MAY fall for it.

Look into my eyes and say after me: "all will be well, the surgery will go well, and I will not worry anymore over what he does or doesn't do. I have many friends who care for me and I will be perfectly fine."

And it will be perfectly fine.

God bless
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Old 07-30-2010, 04:49 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
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this is the nature of the relationship: you have a need, you ask for him to be there for you, and he is simply unable to be. inconsistently unavailable. he didn't return your call, yet he was admittedly on the phone all day. just what was his priority?

we experience freedom when we stop setting ourselves up for disappointment.

i hope you are doing ok, and that your surgery went well, and that someone whom you can trust to be there for you, is.
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Old 07-30-2010, 10:51 AM
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Saying a prayer for you today.
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Old 07-30-2010, 11:13 AM
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Prayers and (((hugs)))

Hope you are recovering peacefully.
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