Texted EXBF this am to tell him that I needed to be at the hospital at 7am, and that I was scared.....got not reply-but then again he doesn't always have cell service there.
At 7pm having not heard from him I texted him again to see if he was coming down tonight or not, etc.....no reply til 8pm, at which time he calls, tells me he was taking care of things all day, on the phone dealing with creditors etc. and that he was now on his way to his son's-which is close to where I live, and that he could stop by and see my but couldn't stay long as he had to go home and pack yet for the reunion (he is leaving tom and will be gone til Sunday afternoon-going to a high school reunion) I told him just to forget it, it sounded like he was just to busy and had to much going on, and that he didn't have to worry about coming down in the am to stay with my son while I had surgery-he'd be fine and prob sleep til noon anyway. He advised me that he wanted to come down as he had promised my son he would. I told him that this was what I was worried about when he moved into his sister's-that he would be to far away and we'd have no time together. He said "don't worry-we'll make it work out, it's just really busy right now" Told him I was feeling off and anxious about surgery tomorrow (the last surgery I had I woke up during and have had PTSD since and it also brought on my fibro, it was the most horrifying experience of my life).
I guess I am just really SEEING how much he cares-or doesn't I should say....and it hurts. I really don't want to see him tonight or tomorrow at all and hope he doesn't stop tonight and sleeps in tomorrow and just goes away for a bit-the stress of SEEING how little he cares is very upsetting right now with surgery looming ahead. The Dr gave me a valium to take tonight and one for in the am b4 I left so pray for me that it works....Im scared to death right now that this surgery will worsen the fibro that the last one brought on and I could loose everything I worked so hard for. On days the fibro is in full flare I can barely move....and I have a son counting on me and a disabled mother.....I need to be ok for them and for me. And right now Im upset and angry and scared and feel alone. I guess the ex never really did care-or he'd be here now......
