Need comforting...
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Jenny, you sound A LOT like me, attitude about health and meds and all. The up and down emotions especially. It took till age 39 for them to figure out that a LARGE part of this problem I had with my emotions like you describe was actually CAUSED by undiagnosed ADHD. It is common for girls and women to go undiagnosed. You may want to look into it.
I was on SSRIs years ago, which helped a little but my body did not tolerate them well. Then they came out with the SNRIs which CHANGED MY LIFE and I am so very grateful I had the opportunity to take them. They allowed me to see things from a completely different perspective, and basically bought me time enough to be emotionally stable long enough to make good, healthy decisions for my life. Those healthy things I was able to decide on, in turn, brought MORE stability and I have been able to maintain a good part of that stability for a good number of years now.
I was on the SNRI for about 2 or 3 years, until my body stopped tolerating it. I have tried to get back on with no success (horrible side effects). I am waiting for a new class of anti-Ds to be invented that give me the same benefits but that I can tolerate. To me, it is worth it because of the stability and added benefits the drugs have provided me.
It has always been a time of crisis related to a break-up with a relatively abusive person such as we are all accustomed to that have forced me to take a look at myself and my life and give medicine a try. I am so glad I did.
I was on SSRIs years ago, which helped a little but my body did not tolerate them well. Then they came out with the SNRIs which CHANGED MY LIFE and I am so very grateful I had the opportunity to take them. They allowed me to see things from a completely different perspective, and basically bought me time enough to be emotionally stable long enough to make good, healthy decisions for my life. Those healthy things I was able to decide on, in turn, brought MORE stability and I have been able to maintain a good part of that stability for a good number of years now.
I was on the SNRI for about 2 or 3 years, until my body stopped tolerating it. I have tried to get back on with no success (horrible side effects). I am waiting for a new class of anti-Ds to be invented that give me the same benefits but that I can tolerate. To me, it is worth it because of the stability and added benefits the drugs have provided me.
It has always been a time of crisis related to a break-up with a relatively abusive person such as we are all accustomed to that have forced me to take a look at myself and my life and give medicine a try. I am so glad I did.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 685
You know.. I've always said I believe to be ADD.. but have never been diagnosed. I've read that they (ADHD/add) tend to, "self-medicate", which is exactly what I do. I recall mentioning this before (I believe with you!) about feeling like a hypochondriac.. and I feel like the doctors are going to think I'm just trying to get prescribed medicine to abuse (there goes my pessimistic irrational thought process). I have an EXTREMELY hard time focusing on anything. I've taken adderall in the past, and it was amazing. I was so clear-headed, energetic and able to do things. Don't like adderall though. There is a new one, a non-stimulant... strattera?
What is an SNRI? I suppose I can google that. (just did - and see that it helps with anxiety too, which is a huge issue for me). Lexapro was the closest I've come to feeling, "normal"... and that was because of it's balancing out my anxiety.
Did you feel 'abnormal' or 'defective' taking them? Did you have to try various ones, before you found a fit. With your description, it sounds rather delightful. I'm so sick of complaining to everyone, and always being down in the dumps. It'd would be nice to have some relief.
You mention side-effects.. and that is one of the things that PUSH me away. With every prescription, comes a host of possible things to go wrong. It's kind of freightening. I'm sorry they quit working for you. Have you tried strattera, or whatever the ADHD non-stimulant drug is?
Thank you for your encouragement. It makes me feel much better about the possibility of taking them again!
What is an SNRI? I suppose I can google that. (just did - and see that it helps with anxiety too, which is a huge issue for me). Lexapro was the closest I've come to feeling, "normal"... and that was because of it's balancing out my anxiety.
Did you feel 'abnormal' or 'defective' taking them? Did you have to try various ones, before you found a fit. With your description, it sounds rather delightful. I'm so sick of complaining to everyone, and always being down in the dumps. It'd would be nice to have some relief.
You mention side-effects.. and that is one of the things that PUSH me away. With every prescription, comes a host of possible things to go wrong. It's kind of freightening. I'm sorry they quit working for you. Have you tried strattera, or whatever the ADHD non-stimulant drug is?
Thank you for your encouragement. It makes me feel much better about the possibility of taking them again!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Jenny, what are you feeding your SOUL these days?
The guys an abusive creep. This isn't about him. This is about you. Is your therapist helping you get to the crux of your problems? Maybe your therapist can recommend some kind of support group for you. Especially if you feel like you gave Alanon your best shot and it just wasn't appropriate for your issues.
Although, I am sorry that you didn't find Alanon to your liking, I have to point out that they recommend you do a few meetings before you make a decision on whether or not it will help you. I didn't find NA to my liking at first. But I did it anyway. I decided I didn't have anything to lose. If I was willing to risk my life being a miserable drug addict - going to a few NA meetings certainly wasn't going to kill me. I decided to give it a fair shot before I became critical of it and decided it wasn't for me.
Nothing good comes easy. Recovery takes hard work. Then the rewards come...
The guys an abusive creep. This isn't about him. This is about you. Is your therapist helping you get to the crux of your problems? Maybe your therapist can recommend some kind of support group for you. Especially if you feel like you gave Alanon your best shot and it just wasn't appropriate for your issues.
Although, I am sorry that you didn't find Alanon to your liking, I have to point out that they recommend you do a few meetings before you make a decision on whether or not it will help you. I didn't find NA to my liking at first. But I did it anyway. I decided I didn't have anything to lose. If I was willing to risk my life being a miserable drug addict - going to a few NA meetings certainly wasn't going to kill me. I decided to give it a fair shot before I became critical of it and decided it wasn't for me.
Nothing good comes easy. Recovery takes hard work. Then the rewards come...
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Alexandria Township, NJ
Posts: 275
Oh Jenny
My heart hurts for you. So young.
There are so many resources (this included) that will help you find your way.
Even what's happening to you now will benefit you in the future, it's just a matter of "surviving " it (figuratively).
I don't know about the medication thing, I'm a personal trainer, I believe in Endorphins.
Take comfort in knowing that people here and all over - have felt your kind pain (and worse) and have come through to the other side. It will happen for you too.
Keep reading and posting
My heart hurts for you. So young.
There are so many resources (this included) that will help you find your way.
Even what's happening to you now will benefit you in the future, it's just a matter of "surviving " it (figuratively).
I don't know about the medication thing, I'm a personal trainer, I believe in Endorphins.
Take comfort in knowing that people here and all over - have felt your kind pain (and worse) and have come through to the other side. It will happen for you too.
Keep reading and posting
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Hi,
I have seen several counselors also....the best ever was the domestic violence counseling!
I am sure your psychologist will be of great help determining your proper diagnosis. My depression and mood swings (anger can be a type of mania! who knew!?) are due to bipolar they now tell me.
At first it was diagnossed as depression for years.
I felt weak willed and less than and really hard headed about taking the meds. I would take them, feel better, start to get my life on track...decide I didn't need them, quit...get depressed again. I have done that more times than I care to admit!!! The thing was the depressions got deeper and worse. I just can't do that anymore so I have become hugely grateful for modern medicine! My life would be too miserable to bear without it!
I have been through alot of trial and error with the different medications over the years, and right now as we speak I am struggling along trying to find the right ones that fit my needs now.
My happiness and well being are worth it.
I still benefit from the codependence help I get here, spiritual studies etc....but I know from hard won experience that in order to benefit from these things I need to be fundamentally well first in my basic chemistry.
If there is one thing I would ask you to hope and believe it is this: You can be happy!
hugs
I have seen several counselors also....the best ever was the domestic violence counseling!
I am sure your psychologist will be of great help determining your proper diagnosis. My depression and mood swings (anger can be a type of mania! who knew!?) are due to bipolar they now tell me.
At first it was diagnossed as depression for years.
I felt weak willed and less than and really hard headed about taking the meds. I would take them, feel better, start to get my life on track...decide I didn't need them, quit...get depressed again. I have done that more times than I care to admit!!! The thing was the depressions got deeper and worse. I just can't do that anymore so I have become hugely grateful for modern medicine! My life would be too miserable to bear without it!
I have been through alot of trial and error with the different medications over the years, and right now as we speak I am struggling along trying to find the right ones that fit my needs now.
My happiness and well being are worth it.
I still benefit from the codependence help I get here, spiritual studies etc....but I know from hard won experience that in order to benefit from these things I need to be fundamentally well first in my basic chemistry.
If there is one thing I would ask you to hope and believe it is this: You can be happy!
hugs
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 685
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
jenny - how are your eating habits these days? do you eat (food, not junk!) at regularly scheduled intervals throughout the day? i ask because often times persons who tend to run a bit on the "hyper" side are actually experiencing spikes and drops in their blood sugar levels and that can easily be offset by taking the time to EAT.
i believe eating WELL is crucial to our entire mind/body/soul state of being. it is a basic essential NEED and one that we often overlook, neglect or abuse.
i believe eating WELL is crucial to our entire mind/body/soul state of being. it is a basic essential NEED and one that we often overlook, neglect or abuse.
I've been eating pretty consistently for the past few weeks. I've eliminated chocolate and fatty foods, because of the sugar crash. I've added TONS of fruits and eating nuts and salads a lot too.
So.. as for diet.. I'm fairly on the right track. Could use some improvement.. but at least I am eating again... and healthier (besides chicken nuggets).
Eating right truly restores me to a healthier mind/body balance like you said. Everyday is filled with some sort of exercise AND nutrition. I think I'm doing incredibly well in that regard... I agree 100% with what you're saying, and feel diet/exercise is the natural cure to imbalances... of that nature!
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Hello-Kitty, it won't let me quote you for some reason.. anyway. I LOVE your responses. They always make me laugh... just the "abusive creep" makes me feel better... and let's reality sink in a little more.
I've been to my psychologist twice. One thing he requires of his patients if they want his help is, you come once a week, AND you attend group meetings. We haven't gotten to far into it for me to determine yet.
I've heard the whole six times rule for Al-Anon, so I need to stop making excuses and at least try that.. if after six times it still isn't working, then I can decide elsewhere. There really aren't too many available that fit my schedule, and the same one over and over... is not recommened if you didn't like it.. Making excuses! I'll make it work somehow. If my Dr. asks me to go.. I pretty much have to go to continue therapy too.
I don't know about the medication thing, I'm a personal trainer, I believe in Endorphins.
Thank you ChrrisT 
You've brightened my day! This site has helped me tremendously! I too, believe in endorphins lol! I did NOT want to work out on Monday, and I did some cardio and I felt INCREDIBLE after!!! Going to go after work in an hour and repeat... still don't want to, but won't regret it!
I have seen several counselors also....the best ever was the domestic violence counseling!
I am sure your psychologist will be of great help determining your proper diagnosis. My depression and mood swings (anger can be a type of mania! who knew!?) are due to bipolar they now tell me.
At first it was diagnossed as depression for years.
I felt weak willed and less than and really hard headed about taking the meds. I would take them, feel better, start to get my life on track...decide I didn't need them, quit...get depressed again. I have done that more times than I care to admit!!! The thing was the depressions got deeper and worst. Thank you for your kindness!
I think the idea behind someone who specializes in abuse would help me significantly, because it will make me feel validated in what really happened between him and I. I do know there are groups in my area (on the only al-anon day I can attend), but that is something I have thought of a lot.. and never pushed through with doing.
You mention the bi-polar.. and I was directed to seek psychiatric evaluation when I was 20 for displaying "possible" bi-polar. Thought about it today... don't think I am. Even though... What you describe sounds like me. I really would not want to be labeled as such (I do not mean this in a negative light for those who are bi-polar)... or take medications for it. You feel completely different though?? Like a 'normal' 'balanced' 'rational' person? I think there are TOO many possibilities for me to even boil down to one thing. I'd like to explore all avenues.. with the approach of health taking the lead.
Not sure what I'd do without you! I do incorporate protein. Always chicken, turkey, or soy milk for fruit smoothies, etc, with every meal! When you mentioned the hypoglycemia a while back, it kicked me into high gear I guess to stop feeling like crap, thanks too a poor diet, or lack there of one.
I've been to my psychologist twice. One thing he requires of his patients if they want his help is, you come once a week, AND you attend group meetings. We haven't gotten to far into it for me to determine yet.
I've heard the whole six times rule for Al-Anon, so I need to stop making excuses and at least try that.. if after six times it still isn't working, then I can decide elsewhere. There really aren't too many available that fit my schedule, and the same one over and over... is not recommened if you didn't like it.. Making excuses! I'll make it work somehow. If my Dr. asks me to go.. I pretty much have to go to continue therapy too.
Originally Posted by ChrrisT
I don't know about the medication thing, I'm a personal trainer, I believe in Endorphins.
You've brightened my day! This site has helped me tremendously! I too, believe in endorphins lol! I did NOT want to work out on Monday, and I did some cardio and I felt INCREDIBLE after!!! Going to go after work in an hour and repeat... still don't want to, but won't regret it!
Originally Posted by Live
I have seen several counselors also....the best ever was the domestic violence counseling!
I am sure your psychologist will be of great help determining your proper diagnosis. My depression and mood swings (anger can be a type of mania! who knew!?) are due to bipolar they now tell me.
At first it was diagnossed as depression for years.
I felt weak willed and less than and really hard headed about taking the meds. I would take them, feel better, start to get my life on track...decide I didn't need them, quit...get depressed again. I have done that more times than I care to admit!!! The thing was the depressions got deeper and worst.
I think the idea behind someone who specializes in abuse would help me significantly, because it will make me feel validated in what really happened between him and I. I do know there are groups in my area (on the only al-anon day I can attend), but that is something I have thought of a lot.. and never pushed through with doing.
You mention the bi-polar.. and I was directed to seek psychiatric evaluation when I was 20 for displaying "possible" bi-polar. Thought about it today... don't think I am. Even though... What you describe sounds like me. I really would not want to be labeled as such (I do not mean this in a negative light for those who are bi-polar)... or take medications for it. You feel completely different though?? Like a 'normal' 'balanced' 'rational' person? I think there are TOO many possibilities for me to even boil down to one thing. I'd like to explore all avenues.. with the approach of health taking the lead.
Originally Posted by anvilhead
consistently is a beautiful word. now the next time you feel yourself starting to get a bit wonky, stop, breathe, and see what GOOD thing you can do for yourself......make sure you get PROTEIN in there too, as well as some whole grains.........your body will burn thru the fruits and veggies pretty quickly.........i'll let ya slide on the chicken nuggets THIS TIME!
keep doing the next WISE thing, as Kitty always tells me.
keep doing the next WISE thing, as Kitty always tells me.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by Jenny1232
I think it may be a power thing on MY part.
It's so good you're trying a new therapist, too.
My therapist helped me work the first step; it was the key that unlocked everything else. He knew when to hand me that key, and I accepted it heart and soul. I had to admit I was powerless over others. I am not the Creator and had to quit wanting that kind of power, too. Lucifer went to hell for that.
It doesn't sound like either of you are quite done yet, but it's miles from where you were
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Virginia
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Originally Posted by Chino
Jenny, I think you're doing great. To see that and want to work through the feelings of rejection... that's truly awesome.
It's so good you're trying a new therapist, too.
My therapist helped me work the first step; it was the key that unlocked everything else. He knew when to hand me that key, and I accepted it heart and soul. I had to admit I was powerless over others. I am not the Creator and had to quit wanting that kind of power, too. Lucifer went to hell for that.
It doesn't sound like either of you are quite done yet, but it's miles from where you were
It's so good you're trying a new therapist, too.
My therapist helped me work the first step; it was the key that unlocked everything else. He knew when to hand me that key, and I accepted it heart and soul. I had to admit I was powerless over others. I am not the Creator and had to quit wanting that kind of power, too. Lucifer went to hell for that.
It doesn't sound like either of you are quite done yet, but it's miles from where you were
"When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change".
Forgot who, and where I got that from, but, alas I see! That is one of the quotes that have ALWAYS stuck with me. You know what? It is SO true. I've actually started to look at him as a sociopath.. and the more I do.. the more I see TED BUNDY in him. He doesn't even look like my ex... he displays a raging mad man to me! It's just crazy how after I repeated that to myself over and over, it truly happened!
I thiiiiiink he's done with me. Unless his rebound doesn't become his wife, and suddenly he's oh-so miserable. In that case - still don't want him. I can't imagine giving up my new found freedom for that lunatic! While it hurts, there is no way I'd go back.
The whole control issue.. man I'm having a hard time with that. I am very happy for the fact of all the things that you guys brought to my awareness. When I came here I blamed everything on him, and accepted no responsibility. I have learned so many different things about myself, good and bad... and it's truly with the guidance of everyone here!
THANK YOU!
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 685
Originally Posted by ChrrisT
Ya' know what guys?!
I don't think we have to worry about this "JENNY 1232" character.
She's going to be just fine!!!
I don't think we have to worry about this "JENNY 1232" character.
She's going to be just fine!!!
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I agree with CrrisT!
as I sit here munching Sonic burgers (gulp.mbrgah.gulp).......oops!
The domestic violence counseling really is awesome and since your psychologist is a guy I think it even move fitting and applicable!
We have great stickies on the subject on a few of the boards here too.
I didn't mean to suggest you were bipolar....I haven't a clue what your situation is, I meant to speak about taking meds if needed.
Yes, the meds have helped me function....I am not always the best judge of things in that regard but my sister made me promise to never go off the antidepressants again as I was so low and troubled that when they kicked in, she said I have got my sister back and I do not ever want to see you sick like that again. I think I am perfectly sane and rational today. I don't feel badly and I could pass for it anyway?? lol Do I sound okay to you?
as I sit here munching Sonic burgers (gulp.mbrgah.gulp).......oops!
The domestic violence counseling really is awesome and since your psychologist is a guy I think it even move fitting and applicable!
We have great stickies on the subject on a few of the boards here too.
I didn't mean to suggest you were bipolar....I haven't a clue what your situation is, I meant to speak about taking meds if needed.
Yes, the meds have helped me function....I am not always the best judge of things in that regard but my sister made me promise to never go off the antidepressants again as I was so low and troubled that when they kicked in, she said I have got my sister back and I do not ever want to see you sick like that again. I think I am perfectly sane and rational today. I don't feel badly and I could pass for it anyway?? lol Do I sound okay to you?
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Originally Posted by anvilhead
jenny - over in the women's section a week or so ago i posted a GRIPE about just feeling run down, worn out, old, achy, hormonal all that stuff. it FELT like there was no end, it FELT like nothing i had been doing was working - EVEN THO i am taking a lot of steps to take better care of myself!!!!! i was at wit's end....and then this amazing thing happened, once i vented my angst, and got some feedback, and rededicated myself to doing whatever it takes to not FEEL like really really old 50 year old.......i suddenly started to feel better!
part of our recovery journey is to learn to become Weebles....you may be too young to remember Weebles....they were this little roly poly toy shaped kind of like an egg and no matter what you do you cannot knock them over.
the catchphrase was:
Weebles wobble but they don't fall down!
part of our recovery journey is to learn to become Weebles....you may be too young to remember Weebles....they were this little roly poly toy shaped kind of like an egg and no matter what you do you cannot knock them over.
the catchphrase was:
Weebles wobble but they don't fall down!
I've never really checked out the "women's" section from this site... I'm quite shocked to hear that YOU were feeling down. You are such a inspiration to me.. Your entire thought process, the way you operate, your wisdom, it's all very admirable! Glad you're yourself again!!
I am feeling WAY better after getting everything out. I suppose it had been quite sometime since my last post... and getting all of this feedback as been a lovely gift!
Live, what are you referring to a particular posting/stickie on the topic? The one thing that actually brought my attention to this site was the stickie, "for the abused woman" or something...
I realize my negative attitude towards medicine for myself.. is my own feelings of needed to be PERFECT. Thinking of you, or anyone else for that matter on it.. I'm ALL for it! If you have an imbalance, why not correct it? You seem absolutely sane to me
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Did you feel 'abnormal' or 'defective' taking them?
Did you have to try various ones, before you found a fit.
With your description, it sounds rather delightful.
I'm so sick of complaining to everyone, and always being down in the dumps.
It'd would be nice to have some relief.
New relationships with men, I think, gave me that relief for quite some time. Problem was, that relief was only temporary and it didn't matter WHO the guy was, or what he was even like. How about using the high of a new relationship, the high of a new hope for a future, the high of putting someone else on a pedestal and worshiping THEM to provide relief from everyday depression? Wow, I think I just figured something out about myself.
You mention side-effects.. and that is one of the things that PUSH me away. With every prescription, comes a host of possible things to go wrong. It's kind of freightening. I'm sorry they quit working for you. Have you tried strattera, or whatever the ADHD non-stimulant drug is?
Yes, I tried strattera, and it didn't work for me. But I can't take stimulant medications because I have a heart condition. So, I am waiting for a new non-stimulant treatment to come out, which one has, but it is for children and adolescents only
Jenny, I think your posts and your positive attitude (especially DESPITE your bad feelings) give a lot of people here HOPE. At least you give that to me. So thank you. I am grateful for your shares, your honesty, your openness, and your willingness to consider whatever anyone says in feedback. I hope you can get this problem straightened out soon and feeling better soon.
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Jenny, I think your posts and your positive attitude (especially DESPITE your bad feelings) give a lot of people here HOPE. At least you give that to me. So thank you.
woke up today being pissed off about money fighting with the hubbie
then I come here and read about Live eating Sonic burgers and Jenny's rut ending and the hundreds of other great things being said.
WOW it's powerful!! I never thought something like this (forum) could have so much impact.
Thank you thank you thank you Now I have to call and apologize for yelling - God I hate that part!
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LOL, I was thinking about Live and her Sonic burgers, and Anvils weebles wobble... and it made me laugh. Quite often I find myself laughing out loud at something someone said.
I'm happy AND shocked that I was able to provide others with hope. Everyone here has done the same for me!
L2L, I see how you mentioned "crying at hurt feelings"... and I always do that. It can be over the silliest thing, but it HURTS and I CRY! I thought I was just an immature crybaby (that's what they said) and I never associated it with depression. Thank you for opening my eyes. Do you recommend only getting on medicine through a psychiatrist dr... or is medical okay? I also have Lymes Disease, and I wanted to go for more blood work to see if it's active ---- and the doctor tried giving me cymbalta once, for the pain... which I also see is a SNRI... Maybe it could help in more ways than one, and I could 'feel' better about taking it for 'pain'! Would you advise AGAINST this?
I'm happy AND shocked that I was able to provide others with hope. Everyone here has done the same for me!
L2L, I see how you mentioned "crying at hurt feelings"... and I always do that. It can be over the silliest thing, but it HURTS and I CRY! I thought I was just an immature crybaby (that's what they said) and I never associated it with depression. Thank you for opening my eyes. Do you recommend only getting on medicine through a psychiatrist dr... or is medical okay? I also have Lymes Disease, and I wanted to go for more blood work to see if it's active ---- and the doctor tried giving me cymbalta once, for the pain... which I also see is a SNRI... Maybe it could help in more ways than one, and I could 'feel' better about taking it for 'pain'! Would you advise AGAINST this?
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
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Now I have to call and apologize for yelling - God I hate that part!
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Thanks a lot for this thread.
Jen, you are already light years ahead from me when I broke up with XABF. Crying IS moving on. Going through the ups and downs IS moving on. I mean, you could get some guy and parade him today if you wished. That is NOT moving on in my book.
When I think "how could he move on after a few days" I remember he has alcohol, he has sex, and in his world that's all that really ever matters. It makes no sense to compare my spiritual journey to his endless "party" and manipulation and "I love you"s followed by "I hate you"s, in words or actions. Leave that hell to the ones that feel they deserve to be there.
Its been 1.5 years for me and I am still bitter and sad when I remember stuff,especially when they get someone and you get news or see it yourself often as it was my case. I am going to therapy because my goal is indifference.
Rejection hurt like hell but I realize it hurt because I have rejected myself for decades. Then I start sitting down realizing what I have learned so far
I am
-ugly
-fat
-dumb
-invisible
-less than, overall
And guess who I chose? this addict made me feel exactly like that.
-ugly. He checked out other women while with me. Other examples abound.
-fat. We saw a commercial with a woman struggling to fit in a dress and he said that was me when we went and I tried swimsuits and all were too small for me.
-dumb. It was always about his topics and my views were not listened with honest interest.
-invisible. There was only one important person. And it was not me , lol.
-less than, overall.
Once I started working on those false impressions I have/learned, I realized they are simply not true. Well it is still in progress. But once i start realizing my many gifts, qualities, achievements; since I have treated myself like a human being and with more compassion, being "rejected" by some person is not the end of the world at all.
Also I realized the ex did not recognize my good qualities because I did not recognize them myself. And now that I do I feel much better and it DOESN'T MATTER if others do recognize them or not. I do AND IT IS ENOUGH. as to what people do after you broke up with them, its their business, their journey and most probably the same hells or worse.
It is funny how many don't become what we wished or "could be", but in our recovery WE become much better than we were. And WE are not coming back to them.
Others cannot or don't want to improve, but we do and there is no stopping us.... that is why I really liked, that you always are who you are.....if you are honest you will always grow and become stronger even after the most painful events. To transcend all those experiences is a beautiful gift, the gift of being able to change outlooks, change feelings, feel more of X and less Y, NOT feel Z anymore, it is all under our power... our joy is not up to anyone else
Jen, you are already light years ahead from me when I broke up with XABF. Crying IS moving on. Going through the ups and downs IS moving on. I mean, you could get some guy and parade him today if you wished. That is NOT moving on in my book.
When I think "how could he move on after a few days" I remember he has alcohol, he has sex, and in his world that's all that really ever matters. It makes no sense to compare my spiritual journey to his endless "party" and manipulation and "I love you"s followed by "I hate you"s, in words or actions. Leave that hell to the ones that feel they deserve to be there.
Its been 1.5 years for me and I am still bitter and sad when I remember stuff,especially when they get someone and you get news or see it yourself often as it was my case. I am going to therapy because my goal is indifference.
Rejection hurt like hell but I realize it hurt because I have rejected myself for decades. Then I start sitting down realizing what I have learned so far
I am
-ugly
-fat
-dumb
-invisible
-less than, overall
And guess who I chose? this addict made me feel exactly like that.
-ugly. He checked out other women while with me. Other examples abound.
-fat. We saw a commercial with a woman struggling to fit in a dress and he said that was me when we went and I tried swimsuits and all were too small for me.
-dumb. It was always about his topics and my views were not listened with honest interest.
-invisible. There was only one important person. And it was not me , lol.
-less than, overall.
Once I started working on those false impressions I have/learned, I realized they are simply not true. Well it is still in progress. But once i start realizing my many gifts, qualities, achievements; since I have treated myself like a human being and with more compassion, being "rejected" by some person is not the end of the world at all.
Also I realized the ex did not recognize my good qualities because I did not recognize them myself. And now that I do I feel much better and it DOESN'T MATTER if others do recognize them or not. I do AND IT IS ENOUGH.
as to what people do after you broke up with them, its their business, their journey and most probably the same hells or worse. It is funny how many don't become what we wished or "could be", but in our recovery WE become much better than we were. And WE are not coming back to them.
Others cannot or don't want to improve, but we do and there is no stopping us.... that is why I really liked, that you always are who you are.....if you are honest you will always grow and become stronger even after the most painful events. To transcend all those experiences is a beautiful gift, the gift of being able to change outlooks, change feelings, feel more of X and less Y, NOT feel Z anymore, it is all under our power... our joy is not up to anyone else
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