Ship Jumpers Swimming To Shore
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
i'm swimming too.
i can't really see the shore yet but i have faith it is there. the water is cold and my broken shoulder aches. i look back at the small boat i jumped from: the engine doesn't have any gasoline and the oar is broken at the end. i know the flairs i put in the boat have been carelessly removed from their watersealed package. i have done what i could, i tell myself. my heart aches.
must keep swimming.
i ask god to give me courage and endurance. i alert god that the little boat has no anchor in Him, is adrift at sea.
memories flood back of early morning swim team and competing remind me that i am indeed a swimmer. i remember my father saying "all of you will be good swimmers, that is why you must go to practice every morning." i thank him for his foresight. i remember lifeguarding for six years. i recall pulling that drowning man out of the ocean and resuscitating him. i remember putting quarters at the bottom of the pool to teach the children to go under. "you know how to swim," i tell myself sternly, "it is your life now you must guard."
i can't do freestyle, as i can't lift my arm over my head, so my passage is slow.
so i settle on breast stroke.
when i'm tired, i float on my back and look at the clouds. pink blue purple sky reminds me of my wonder at the universe. i eat some seaweed, marveling at the bounty of Nature.
and then i return to swimming again.
i can't really see the shore yet but i have faith it is there. the water is cold and my broken shoulder aches. i look back at the small boat i jumped from: the engine doesn't have any gasoline and the oar is broken at the end. i know the flairs i put in the boat have been carelessly removed from their watersealed package. i have done what i could, i tell myself. my heart aches.
must keep swimming.
i ask god to give me courage and endurance. i alert god that the little boat has no anchor in Him, is adrift at sea.
memories flood back of early morning swim team and competing remind me that i am indeed a swimmer. i remember my father saying "all of you will be good swimmers, that is why you must go to practice every morning." i thank him for his foresight. i remember lifeguarding for six years. i recall pulling that drowning man out of the ocean and resuscitating him. i remember putting quarters at the bottom of the pool to teach the children to go under. "you know how to swim," i tell myself sternly, "it is your life now you must guard."
i can't do freestyle, as i can't lift my arm over my head, so my passage is slow.
so i settle on breast stroke.
when i'm tired, i float on my back and look at the clouds. pink blue purple sky reminds me of my wonder at the universe. i eat some seaweed, marveling at the bounty of Nature.
and then i return to swimming again.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
to all of you who are struggling to "keep swimming" or just to keep your head above water -
today I send out a prayer, good thoughts and a ray of hope that you will feel your Higher Power's love, strength and courage surround you as you are in this ocean -
YOU will feel the gentle warm breeze, the soft tide guiding you to the safe paradise of sanity, safety and serenity.
That you will know that today and everyday YOU ARE LOVED beyond all failures, scars, pasts and tears -
You deserve this healing
You are worthy of your Higher Power's VERY BEST
Please don't give up before YOUR miracle Happens
HUGS (hope, unity, gratitude and serenity),
Rita
today I send out a prayer, good thoughts and a ray of hope that you will feel your Higher Power's love, strength and courage surround you as you are in this ocean -
YOU will feel the gentle warm breeze, the soft tide guiding you to the safe paradise of sanity, safety and serenity.
That you will know that today and everyday YOU ARE LOVED beyond all failures, scars, pasts and tears -
You deserve this healing
You are worthy of your Higher Power's VERY BEST
Please don't give up before YOUR miracle Happens
HUGS (hope, unity, gratitude and serenity),
Rita
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I love this thread so much. I come here all the time to gather strength.
Thank you, everybody, from one swimmer to another. It's a different kind of swimming for me right now, but it's still hard, and it's still lonely.
Hugs,
GL
Thank you, everybody, from one swimmer to another. It's a different kind of swimming for me right now, but it's still hard, and it's still lonely.
Hugs,
GL
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
You are inspirational!! Wonderful swimmers...Remember, if you get tired, it's perfectly fine to just float on your back for awhile and let the warmth of the sun relax your body and mind. Just keep floating!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
Status: Day Seven No Contact
What I did for me: I went to the gym and spent the evening with a friend. I had a nice time. Once I'm alone again though, it's hard not to miss him.
Challenges: He texted, and called, and emailed. He said to not ignore him because he feels alone enough. He really wants me to call him and he really misses me. He did not say anything about working on recovery. He did not say he was sober. He didn't say how many sober days he had. He didn't say anything about treatment or working with his sponsor. I didn't call him, or text him, or email him back
The closer it gets to Christmas the harder things get. I have to confess that I still hadn't actually called the hotel to cancel our vacation. I did that today. Canceling it seemed so final, so real, I didn't have the heart to do it until today. The older lady on the phone asked me why I was canceling. I said, "Because I was going to stay there with my boyfriend and we broke up." She said in the most gentle motherly tone, "Oh sweetie, there are more fish in the sea. You try to have a happy Christmas and keep your chin up. My daughter is going through the same thing right now."
Maybe her daughter is a ship jumper too.
I've made plans for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I'm looking forward to being with family and friends. It's hard to think of him alone. But he made his choice. He chose beer.
What I did for me: I went to the gym and spent the evening with a friend. I had a nice time. Once I'm alone again though, it's hard not to miss him.
Challenges: He texted, and called, and emailed. He said to not ignore him because he feels alone enough. He really wants me to call him and he really misses me. He did not say anything about working on recovery. He did not say he was sober. He didn't say how many sober days he had. He didn't say anything about treatment or working with his sponsor. I didn't call him, or text him, or email him back
The closer it gets to Christmas the harder things get. I have to confess that I still hadn't actually called the hotel to cancel our vacation. I did that today. Canceling it seemed so final, so real, I didn't have the heart to do it until today. The older lady on the phone asked me why I was canceling. I said, "Because I was going to stay there with my boyfriend and we broke up." She said in the most gentle motherly tone, "Oh sweetie, there are more fish in the sea. You try to have a happy Christmas and keep your chin up. My daughter is going through the same thing right now."
Maybe her daughter is a ship jumper too.
I've made plans for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I'm looking forward to being with family and friends. It's hard to think of him alone. But he made his choice. He chose beer.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Posts: 441
Don't have a what I did for me today, just a challenge: He went to court for his DUI and it got extended AGAIN! Lets see, he got the DUI Feb 2009 and got extended out 4 times April, June, August, January and now May. We got in a fight and he got pissed at me because I am not supporting him and just want him to loose his license. AW NO - I just wanted you to get treatment and stop drinking.
I am still floating girls but I probably should get that speedboat!!!
I am still floating girls but I probably should get that speedboat!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
Status: Day Eight No Contact
What I did for me: I spent the evening with friends. We listened to Christmas music, sat around the tree and talked for a few hours.
Challenges: He wrote me a long email. About 10 sentences. He said a lot about missing me. He wonders if I'm "done". He said he didn't blame me for considering it, but he didn't think it was unfixable. He said he is constantly thinking of what went wrong. Nowhere in the email did he mention alcohol, recovery, or AA. That makes me think he's still drinking.
Wouldn't he mention those things if he weren't drinking?
I feel ok until I get the emails and texts. I need to just stop reading them. Maybe that will be on my list of "things i did for me" soon.
Hope everyone is hanging in there. Keep swimming! Keep swimming! I'm feeling like I'm getting somewhere now.
What I did for me: I spent the evening with friends. We listened to Christmas music, sat around the tree and talked for a few hours.
Challenges: He wrote me a long email. About 10 sentences. He said a lot about missing me. He wonders if I'm "done". He said he didn't blame me for considering it, but he didn't think it was unfixable. He said he is constantly thinking of what went wrong. Nowhere in the email did he mention alcohol, recovery, or AA. That makes me think he's still drinking.
Wouldn't he mention those things if he weren't drinking?
I feel ok until I get the emails and texts. I need to just stop reading them. Maybe that will be on my list of "things i did for me" soon.
Hope everyone is hanging in there. Keep swimming! Keep swimming! I'm feeling like I'm getting somewhere now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
Kittyboo, I'm right there with you. I just keeeeep trying to remember the mean things he said to me. I think about how I told him that I couldn't stay with him if he was going to drink. And I remind myself over and over what he chose - he chose beer!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
Status: Day Nine No Contact
What I did for me: I spent the day in the mountains. It was beautiful.
Challenges: Today I didn't hear from him. In one way, that is a relief. In another way, it only makes me worry more.
What I did for me: I spent the day in the mountains. It was beautiful.
Challenges: Today I didn't hear from him. In one way, that is a relief. In another way, it only makes me worry more.
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