A few ideas from a self improvement conference.

Old 03-13-2009, 03:31 PM
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A few ideas from a self improvement conference.

Yesterday I went to a self improvement conference with a famous psychologist called Alfonso Ruiz.

He stated the usual stuff but it was great to be reminded that its all Truth, not something we say in order to feel better. It was great to be reminded the Laws of Life apply to EVERYBODY.

A few ideas that stuck:

- An event is an event. The meaning it has is given by the viewer. If you are not OK with the meaning you give something, you can zoom out, and approach it in a different way.

- The goal for each human being is to be at peace with her own biography. Unless this is achieved, no relation with a partner, family or society will be truly healthy. Unless you are at peace with EVERYTHING that has happened in your past.

- Only when two human beings are at peace with their own lives can they live love. Not only romantic love but be loving in every aspect of their lives.

- We are IMPORTANT. Every thing we do, every little decision, effort we put into something has impact in yourself and others. A satisfying life is to put your best in EVERYTHING you do. Everything.

- From 0 to 3 years (according to him) you have something called the Abandonment Imprint (sp?). Separation from the mother is a conflict each individual needs to close. Otherwise this abandonment will show in compulsive behaviors, without anything being enough to fulfill you, thus drinking, overeating, etc.

- What you are looking for is closer than you think.

- With clarity comes peace, and with peace, life is NOT difficult (it is complex, but that is different from "difficult").

There were two girls chatting infront of me and it was obviously distracting everyone around, but no one said anything. I "kindly" asked them to shut up. OK I would NEVER have done that, afraid of their disapproval, anger, bad vibes etc but I did, and I felt great and could enjoy the expert a little example of a boundary set... it felt great.

I wish I could give you more of the feeling during the conference, but it was great to see all kinds of people, many youngsters and generally a sense that we are all in this together, and if one person improves, all the others come along.

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

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Old 03-13-2009, 04:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Dreamer999 View Post
- What you are looking for is closer than you think.
Love this! It is just what I needed to hear today.

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Old 03-13-2009, 07:03 PM
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Thank you so much for that, Dreamer999. I needed to be reminded of that as well. That wasn't Jose Ruiz was it? The guy who wrote The 4 Agreements?

Very enlightening and worth remembering. The counsellor I saw this week also suggested that when we start telling ourselves a story of how we think it is, we need to challenge what we consider the truth. For example..... I keep telling myself that my XAH is living down in Texas, having a great life. He's happy and probably has stopped drinking and has found the love of his life who he wants to settle down with and give her all his love and attention and all the things he couldn't do with me. So, what I would do is challenge that thought with a more realistic story. He was drinking a 26 a day when he left, that likely hasn't changed. If anything it's gotten worse. The drinking had nothing to do with me making him unhappy; he was drinking before he met me. Chances are he hasn't gotten help, the problem has gotten worse. It's not likely anyone would put up with him the way he is; he already has the love of his life - his bottle.

I'm trying to practice this when those crazy thougths come up. It also helps to remember, as you said and this speaker said, that an event is an event - it is our perception of it that gives it meaning. We can choose to zoom out and think of it differently. Thank you for your insight!
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Old 03-17-2009, 10:04 AM
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Hi prairiegirl
It was Doc. Alfonso Ruiz. I know the 4 agreements, simple ideas but when it comes down to practice... different story!

Thanks a lot fo your counsellor's tips. It is true that we just do not know, and I believe that as we get healthier we won't be concerned for them as much and will be more concerned about us and our own lives.

It is a dilemma, because if the ex's continue drinking, its also a sad thing for us, although our decisions are "easier". And if they get sober we think the nice guy under the addiction is back / but not with us. Sucks!!

Anyway prairegirl, thanks a lot for your words, they really help. (((praireigirl))))
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Old 03-17-2009, 12:53 PM
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The goal for each human being is to be at peace with her own biography.

I love that. Hard to do if your biography's been a tragedy LOL but once you get closer to that goal, wow. So cool.
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