update on me.

Old 03-16-2009, 09:40 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
No Codie No More.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 155
update on me.

hello everyone. I guess I just wanted the update everyone on my situation.
I keep reading some posts from other people and I see her (my ex best friend, she didn't love me enough to be my gf). I could never and I guess never will understand this.

anyways, this new acquaintance, I will call her sarah, the girl I met that infamous night (some of you may know). she didn't come on the narcoutic run, she stayed in her apartment.

well sarah is a born again christian. not yet a friend because I don't know her that well, we have only been hanging out with her friends but I hope it turns out to be a best friendship but thats all speculative.

well I wrote about sarah when I first hung out with her when she invited me to a christian movie at Uni. told you guys it was a change, healthy people.

well she invited me out for a movie with her friends, I couldn't make it because it was too late and had work the next day.

she later asked me to go to her church in the city. I did go, the church experience was different considering she is of a different denomination. we went to eat afterwards with her two friends. one I knew, the other I just met.

I'm not "over" her, or do I think I will ever be. sarah hasn't mentioned her to me. not even in general terms like "how is x?" perhaps she knows? I don't know but I don't care. I really don't want to talk about it.

the one thing that gets me worried is my "recovery" being attached to this new acquaintance, what if she doesn't want to hang out anymore? considering she doesn't really know me and I don't know her. I already know the answer.

do I want to talk about ex best friend? no because the "wounds", even though they are in the past are still there.

what do I tell sarah when she asks me about my beliefs, she is really a born again christian, her friends are church goers too. lets just say going to church is not a priority but I guess I will lie. perhaps when I get to know her we will get to know eachother.

but from what I know from this present, being around healthy people is making me feel better yet I can't stop thinking about what she is doing, if she is safe or her recent update but I haven't contacted her since jan.
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Old 03-17-2009, 04:31 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
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relationships built on lies don't last.

you are doing things with another girl, that's great. take it slow and enjoy the fun moments together. be honest with yourself and her, but maybe lay off intense dicussions of addicted exes until you are in a more stable place yourself.
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Old 03-17-2009, 09:30 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
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take it slow, drained.

And be honest. Play the tape all the way through: if you lie to her and she eventually presses for details, she will discover you're a liar. Do you want to be a liar? That's a little cowardly really. Don't be ashamed of what you believe......tell her where you are spiritually and see if it sparks some good conversations. If someone would drop you because you don't fit their mold for a "good" religious man, then it's best not to pursue that relationship anyway.

As for the ex...may take some time and getting on with your life in all ways before she leaves. I'd definitely stop reading those updates, MySpace, whatever. That just keeps the wound open.

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Old 03-17-2009, 07:54 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
No Codie No More.
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hey, I certainly am not lying but I'm not telling the truth. The first time we talked I told her I wasn't into it but I did read some of the famous scholarly works.. that was my area of interest so I can talk to her about it.

at dinner, we were having a conversation, it came up about me seeing something different in ther service.. I'm catholic, shes protestant.. I know, The beginning of holy wars. It's not a issue for me, I tend to be a very understanding person.

about the ex, I haven't talked about it to anyone and I still havent spilled the beans on with everything that she did and happened. I guess it started with her and it will end with her.

with the updates, I don't look at her updates on myspace or facebook, I haven't checked her profile since january and I don't want to see it. I try to put boundaries.
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Old 03-17-2009, 08:14 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Originally Posted by drained22 View Post
hey, I certainly am not lying but I'm not telling the truth.
Also known as lying by omission. It is my experience that a relationship of any sort not built on honesty is not much of a relationship.

From your original post in this thread:

the one thing that gets me worried is my "recovery" being attached to this new acquaintance
My recovery cannot be tied to anyone other than me since my recovery comes from within. It can be influenced in some ways by those I know and trust and love. But my recovery is mine alone and is not dependent on any one in any meaningful way or any other person or relationship.

Your recovery will also come from within. If you think someone else can be the source or even an important part of your recovery, I don't think you are understanding what recovery means.
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