Thank you so much for that, Dreamer999. I needed to be reminded of that as well. That wasn't Jose Ruiz was it? The guy who wrote The 4 Agreements?
Very enlightening and worth remembering. The counsellor I saw this week also suggested that when we start telling ourselves a story of how we think it is, we need to challenge what we consider the truth. For example..... I keep telling myself that my XAH is living down in Texas, having a great life. He's happy and probably has stopped drinking and has found the love of his life who he wants to settle down with and give her all his love and attention and all the things he couldn't do with me. So, what I would do is challenge that thought with a more realistic story. He was drinking a 26 a day when he left, that likely hasn't changed. If anything it's gotten worse. The drinking had nothing to do with me making him unhappy; he was drinking before he met me. Chances are he hasn't gotten help, the problem has gotten worse. It's not likely anyone would put up with him the way he is; he already has the love of his life - his bottle.
I'm trying to practice this when those crazy thougths come up. It also helps to remember, as you said and this speaker said, that an event is an event - it is our perception of it that gives it meaning. We can choose to zoom out and think of it differently. Thank you for your insight!