LucyA

I've just noticed how many views this thread has had, I feel sort of humbled.
Thank you for reading and thank you for caring.
My nephew is a wonderful boy and if he knew about this thread he would thank you too.

laurie6781

Wow Lucy!!!!! I just finished reading the whole Saga and I am amazed at what you have been able to accomplish!!!!!

Our Social Services here, at least in my state and several other states that I am familiar with seemed to structured their operating procedures on yours there in England. Of course, England was the 'Mother Country' 232 year ago, lol.

My dear Lady your are absolutely AMAZING!!!!!!! And the results of all this is that your young nephew will have a home (yours) where he feels safe, loved, and can actually be a child. And who knows, this may just be the final or next to the final straw that makes your brother "sick and tired of being sick and tired". Never know.

Just know that good vibes and prayers will continue to wing their way 'across the pond' to Manchester.

You go girl!!!!!!!

Love and hugs,

LucyA

I just had a little cry, I needed to let it all out.

I'm strong when I need to be, but I'm just like everyone else here, human, we do what we have to.
I know I haven't been through half as much as some people here, but this disease affects us all in some way, otherwise we wouldn't be here.

I love my brother and I hope one day I can hand the care of my nephew back over to him, and that my nephew agrees and feels safe and secure with him. If not, I hope I can bring up 3 good, happy, successful young men with the help of my family.

I have a feeling you'll get to know them well.

peaceteach

Lucy, I just love you

Lilyflower

Lucy,

Just caught up with the thread. I'm so glad Joe is staying with you now. You have truely been wonderful to him and give so much hope to others out there - that they can make a difference to those suffering from the effects of alcoholism.

Congratulations to you, I know you'll go from strength to strength.

Love Lily xxxxxxxxxx

LucyA

Just had a meeting with the solicitor about getting a residence order and parental responsibility, she seems pretty confident that I wont have any problems so we'll wait and see what happens now.

I've applied for child benefit and tax credits for Joe, even if I can't get them it means his Dad wont be getting money meant for Joe for much longer.

He did come round yesterday evening and tried to cause a bit of aggrovation, but Aunty Lucy made sure he was outside the house so all the neighbours could hear what he was shouting to Joe, I never raised my voice once though and he ended up just shrugging and walking away. (logged it all with the police just in case)

Things are moving now.

We're all off to the cinema tonight, I may sleep through the film though

Sophia57

(((Lucy))
Sorry I havent been around - life caught up with me.
You're absolutely wonderful, bet Joe is proud as punch of his aunt and what an example you're settting your boys.
Look after yourself too, this is hugely stressful and you need to mind Lucy too.
Really admire you
Hugs
N
x

LucyA

Just thought I'd let you all know, we've all had a great week. We've not done anything special or out of the ordinary, just been getting along with each other without any stress and doing 'normal' stuff.
Joes Dad phoned him once or twice, but neither of them seem to have much to say to each other at the moment.

I love having him here, my kids love having their cousin here and my mum and dad are both sleeping again.
If I was ever in any doubt that I was doing the right thing this week has shown me I was right to do what I did.

peaceteach

Lucy,
What awesome news! I am so happy for you, for Joe, for your boys and parents, even for Joe's dad. Maybe he will find some motivation to stop the madness in his life, but at least Joe has a shot at living with normalcy and love, huh? Keep posting! It really gives me a lift to hear your news

LucyA

I think Joes dad is relieved at not having the responsibility any more, and I can live with that. Maybe he can concentrate on himself now and hopefully find his way to recovery.

My dad picked Joe up from school yesterday as I was at work, he said my brothers g/f was there picking her son up and she said to my dad she's working on sorting my brother out now. I asked him what he said to her and he said he wished her good luck. I think the whole family is feeling stronger now, last week her saying that to my dad would have upset him for days.

Bernadette

I think you're setting such a good example Lucy. It must be so hard to keep an even keel! Was glad to hear about your "normal" week. I think that is the best thing for kids.

I keep this little reminder of "normal" on my desk bulletin board - and when my teenage sons get into trouble or out of hand and I want to FREAK OUT ( or I've already freaked out and need a return to normalcy!!!!) I re-read this and it just lets me *sigh* and breathe and realize that it is nothing spectacular needed to be a good parent - in fact it is the unspectacular that is needed:

AVOID harsh words, foolish decisions, moments of inattention.
-predictable daily routine
-smoothly organized household
-praise the good
-warm but firm discipline

(I also have a little ceramic plaque tucked in my clothes closet that says "Having kids is like being pecked to death by a duck." for when things get absurd and I just need a laugh!!)

I hope you find some Lucy time in the near future - you're carrying a lot right now - soon hopefully it will all be routine...but wow you've managed to keep the drama to near null. Hang in there! We're all rooting for you. I think this thread is a great example of having a plan, being patient above all else, changing what you can control and letting go of the rest. It's enlightening!
Peace,
B.

LucyA

I have to say I'm no serene queen
I almost let fly today when I called at my brothers house to pick up Joes clothes as arranged, and his gf opened the door to me all smiles, told me they were off out soon (no surprise there) but then 5 minutes later my bro told me he had no money for school shoes for Joe.

But yeah, mostly it's drama free, I've had enough of that.

LucyA

I'm having a bit of a tough day today. I asked Joes dad for cash for school shoes for him yesterday and got a flat no. This was just after his g/f told me they were off out drinking for all day. I also asked for a regular bit of cash to help support Joe ( I get no alllowances for him or help from anywhere, except my mum who cant afford it) again he said no.
It's Joes birthday on Saturday and today his dad has given him £40, quite a lot of money for an 11 year old, and I'm glad he's given it to him (doesn't make up for the lack of love but theyre you go) but it seems there are conditions to Joe having this money. I'm not sure exactly what they are yet, but Joe has to go to see his dad later today, (so Joe says) or he cant have the money. His dad's phoned and texted Joe more today than he has in all the time Joe's been here, and Joe really doesn't seem happy with whatever hes saying at the moment.
I'm absolutely livid, because I know I can ignore and deal with my brothers mind games, my brother knows I can and will, but we both know Joe can't and my brother knows he gets to me when he uses Joe like this.
The money really doesn't matter to me, I'll manage, I work and I can afford to look after three children. The mind games with Joe because I asked for money really do my head in.

Lilyflower

Lucy, I am sorry to hear this. I don't know what advice to offer regarding the mind games, but financially, do you not receive Joe's Child Benefit? I know it's pitance at about £18 or so a week, but it is better than nothing and also have you applied or notified working families tax credits of the change in situation?

Lily xxxxxxxx

LucyA

I don't get any child benefit for him yet, he has to live here for 8 weeks and his dad has to fill some forms in too, so he could be awkward about it all. Tax credit I had to inform as I get that for my own two children, but they can't help until i have the residence order. Child Support Agency will also help once I have the child benefit number, it's a merry go round, I have to get one thing before I can get another and another etc.
Like I said though, although it'll help it's not the money really that bugs me. It's how my brother uses and manipulates Joe to get to me.

Lilyflower

I understand. I was thinking that if the money matters can be resolved it will be one less tactic he can use. The system sucks sometimes!

I feel for Joe, it is so unfair on him that his Dad is playing these games on him. Are social services providing Joe with a therapist or psychologist to help him? Just thinking also, is Joe going to Alateen meetings?

Sending good thoughts and hugs your way ((((((()))))))

Lily xxxxxxxxx

LucyA

Thanks Lilyflower, social services aren't providing him with anything at the moment, not even a social worker. I'm working on that though, I'm now on first name terms with the assistant director of our SS and there is a mega complaint going in as soon as the residence order is sorted. Without the residence order I've no parental responsibility and no right to 'sign Joe up' to anything like counselling, which is why I need a social worker to help with that. I'm just a bit stuck at the minute but I'll get there.

Barbara52

Be patient Lucy. You have made so much progress already! I'm sure it will all fall into palace.

LucyA

Hi all, another quick update.

It's been almost 3 weeks since Joe came to stay with us and it's starting to feel like he's always been here. He's happy and he changes day by day.

I'm busy with the solicitor sorting things out for court and stuff, although we haven't got as far as a court date yet, she thinks I should have no problems getting the residence order, especially as social services have agreed to back me up.

My mum and dad are doing great now too, they look happy and relaxed just like a retired couple should.

Things seem to be going great for us all at the moment and I just wanted to share that with you all.

I wish I could say things were great for Joes dad, but as always he's doing his own thing (the difference is, now everyone else in the family is allowing him to do just that)

peaceteach

Such wonderful news, Lucy! I'm so glad to hear that both Joe AND your parents are enjoying life again. It must make your heart sing with joy

Hoping YOU are taking good care of yourself also these days, Lucy!