LucyA

Here we go again! I spoke to the social worker who met with my brother and nephew yesterday. She's really happy that they both agreed to go to some meetings with her at the family centre, together and seperately.

She told me she spoke to my brother about having to change the way you social life works when you become a single parent, and other useful things like that which I just can't be bothered to type, they really were pointless.

So I asked her why she's so positive this time, bearing in mind this is the third time we've been at this point and my nephew is already on a level 3b/4 with them
(level 3b is high level of needs where parenting is compromised due to disability/illness/addiction, where there is a risk of the child becoming a level 4, which is a high risk of need and in need of multi agency intervention and protection from harm)

Her response? Well lets see how it goes this time.

I know they have to work through procedures and things, but this is getting beyond a joke now. I fell like I'm banging my head against a wall.

Barbara52

Sounds just like a codie, doesn't it?

Hang in there! I know the process is frustrating inthe extreme.

One thing that is done in the states is to get courts to appoint a guardian ad lidem for the child, someone who acts in the child's interests thru whatever process is going on. Is there anything similar in the UK?

LucyA

I'm not sure if there is Barbara, and to be honest we're nowhere near having anything to do with courts yet, but I will look into it to see if there is some kind of advocacy type thing for children (I think there is)

It's so frustrating listening to this woman telling me 'we need to get your brother on board and working with us' blah blah blah

I'm sick of saying but you know he's alcoholic, it just isn't going to happen no matter how much we need it.

The main problem I think is that in reality there are two problems, the alcoholism and the child neglect. To give her her due this lady is pretty good with the neglect stuff, but she's not so hot on getting her head around alcoholism issues. Next time I speak to her I'm going to ask if we can have someone work with her regarding the alcoholism, or that she gets some advice and more knowledge.

LucyA

Yay, my gorgeous nephew came to Aunty Lucy's for tea last night.
I got the impression his dad had been telling him to stay away, but he was playing with my boys and food was ready so I just carried on as normal and asked him if he wanted some.

He's going back to his other Auntie today, Dad's driving him there. (but if my mornings conversations with two police forces come to anything he wont be driving again soon, fingers crossed)

LucyA

I've been reading through this thread, and through notes I've made about various meetings and phonecalls. I got an awful feeling in my stomach, this reads like it's turning into a vendetta against my brother.

I've given information about my brother and nephew to social services.

I've been asked to make social services aware of what's going on, so I've been doing that.

I was asked to ask other people to do the same, so I have.

I know he's going to drive some distance this evening, I know he won't be sober at that time and I know he'll have my nephew in the car, so I told the police and they said they're going to observe and stop him.

I know I'm doing all this for a childs safety, but it's hard today.

Barbara52

No, it doesn't read like a vendetta against your brother at all. It reads like you are doing what you can to intervene for your nephew. You are doing what you see as necessary to help him, a vicitm of his father's alcoholism.

LucyA

Thank you Barbara, now you've put it in those words I can deal with it better.

Barbara52

I wish I had had an "Aunt Lucy" to step and try to help when I was growing up in an alcoholic household. It could have made a huge difference in my life.

You are making a difference in your nephew's life! That is a wonderful thing.

DefofLov

You are doing great Lucy, don't give up, don't feel guilty, keep following your heart and your spirit. You are not just attacking your brother, you are actually holding him accountable for his lifestyle and you are protecting an innocent. You are amazing!

LucyA

Defoflove, there's no danger of me giving up. I'm just having a bad day and I know exactly why. I have to go to work and stay over tonight, after speaking to the police this morning I know if he gets pulled for drunk driving he'll kick off at my parents or his son, because there wont be anyone else around (I've basically set him up with them and given them the time he's meeting his sis in law) I know, I know, I have to let go.

LucyA

Result! My brother was arrested yesterday in relation to the information I gave the police.

I have mixed feelings, I wish it hadn't come to this, but if he'd been driving sober he would have passed the breath test and not been arrested.

Barbara52

Keep us informed. I hope this leads to your nephew getting into a better situation.

Bernadette

Hey Lucy - just read the update. Holy Cow. Heavy Stuff.
How do your DUI laws work in England? Is he in jail?
Lawful consequences can be powerful motivators- they also set up a more "official" paper trail that is inarguable evidence. So even your slightly daffy social worker who didn't seem to "get it" that Bro is an alcoholic will now maybe "get" the seriousness and work with you more readily to get your nephew out of there....

Do not feel bad.
You may have saved a life by preventing him drunk driving! It is certainly never the WRONG thing to do to stop a drunk driver.

Peace,
B.

LucyA

Thanks Bernadette, At the moment I'm not 100% sure where my brother is or how the laws work.
The only reason I know he was arrested is because I phoned the police to ask if anything had happened from the information I gave them, I needed to know in case Joe had been in the car and seen his dad being arrested (thankfully I think the police were sensitive as I told them he would be in the car, but they seem to have waited till he was handed over to his aunt)

All they told me is he was arrested in relation to the incident.

He was planning to be 300 miles away in Scotland with his gf, but as he hasn't contacted any of us he could be anywhere right now.

Joe is due back home from his aunts today as he's back to school tomorrow. It was arranged that his dad would pick him up so I'm assuming he'll have to tell someone something today. (I haven't told any of my family anything about his arrest or informing the police)

As for the daffy social worker, we have a few points where she doesn't seem to have followed correct procedures, so we're drafting a complaint ready for tomorrow. Apparently she should have reffered him to a different department because of his level of risk and she should have had an alcohol professional working alongside her.

denny57

I don't see anything in your posts that says vendetta. I see a lot of love.

((( )))

LucyA

I got some information today, someone told me of a conversation they heard my brother have with Joe about social services, I don't want to go into too much detail just now, but I gave the social services people a ring (Sunday afternoon, got to keep them on their toes!) and now it's changed to a child protection issue. They're finally going to do an unannounced visit, very soon, just after they see Joe at school. I'm not holding my breath just yet. It should have been a child protection issue months ago!

The complaint letter is all typed up ready to be handed in personally to the assistant director of children and young peoples services first thing tomorrow morning.

Bernadette, I did some research on the driving laws here, he's still free to drive untill a court sees fit to ban him, he gould get a £5000 fine and or 6 months in prison.

really_fed_up

Hi Lucy,

Your nephew is lucky to have such a loving and caring Aunt like you. No matter what your decision, you are brave and really tough for getting through this! Hugs to you.

Sweetiepie1

Lucy, this is a really great thing you are doing for this little boy, I only wish more children had this support. Our papers often contain stories of children that "slip" through the social services net, thank God he won't be another one

LucyA

Sweetiepie, I suppose I could say I work 'in the system', but now I'm seeing it from the other side I'm really not surprised kids slip through the net.

It really isn't user friendly at all, and people are frightened to give information because of how it works, if you report a concern there is no real confidentiality, and it seems different departments don't have the best communication or information sharing systems.

Having said that, I'm learning fast.

LucyA

I'm dredging this up again, but keeping it all together.

I've just spoken to the best social worker on the planet!

Told him my nephew has phone my dad to ask if he can go stay there for the weekend because it's too bad at home for him. (this is a 10 year old asking)

I asked the SW how far it has to go before someone takes me seriously and realises this child is at risk. And the guy told me. To use an English phrase again I was gobsmacked.

Apparently I can phone the police if my bro is with my nephew and is intoxicated, I can phone the police if my bro leaves my nephew alone while he is intoxicated. Well I knew that, what I didnt know was that the police here can arrange a PPO (police protection order) where my nephew can be removed from the home for up to 72 hours while enquiries are made. (and he woud be placed with a 'suitable family member' wherever possible)

My nephew phoned my mum tonight and told her he was sick of getting up to go to school while his dad was in bed, and coming home to find him asleep.

I so wish I hadn't got to this point, but I'll do anything to help this kid have a real kids life now.

Is it wrong that I don't like my brother any more? I'm mixed up, I love him as my brother but I can't accept what he's doing.