tryingtofly

Well, I just finished leaving a message for a counsellor to make an appt. I've tried Al-anon, but it's not for me right now. At this time I need someone that I can talk to and get advice from and I guess in a way, vent. I didn't find that alanon was the place for that, so I'm going to try going this route. I was so nervous making the call that my hands were shaking. I don't know why, I've seen half a dozen counsellors for my problems before (depression, anxiety). I think part of me still feels like a failure as a wife - In my head I know I'm not (everyone, including my husband tell me that I'm not and that it's not my fault) but in my heart I keep wondering "what if". I think this will be good for me.

ANGELINA243

I saw a counselor not long ago. It helped me to able to talk about things that I couldn't talk about within certain groups. Maybe it will help you--it certainly coudn't hurt. The main thing is that you don't keep emotions all bottled up inside yourself--that could be dangerous, damaging to your own health and peace of mind. I hope everything goes well. My counselor was also equipped with knowledge/member of a 12 step program himself--he told me before we started talking and asked if I was comfortable with that. I said "yes". I think it helped me knowing that he was part of the program on a personal level as well as professional level. :ghug2

Barbara52

I hope you find therapy as helpful as I have. {hugs}

denny57

For me I think I knew on a gut level I was going to have to take some action on my own behalf. For the first several months I would not let her use the word divorce. After a year or so at one of my sessions I said, well you were right about I'd be getting divorced. She said "that isn't true, you told me the first day you came here." It's true.

I'm not saying you will end up separated or divorced, just explaining where my fear came from.

Miss Pink

just curious...whats not right for you 'bout alanon?

hope2bhappy

I think the one-on-one recovery plan is a good one for you right now. You can always go back to Al-Anon when you are ready.

Growing

A great point!

tryingtofly

Granted, I only went to one meeting (and I know they reccomend 6) but I was such a wreck after the first one I never went back. Because of my school and work schedule I can only go to ones during the weekdays. When I went to the church, I was standing outside the main doors until about 5 minutes until the start time. Then a lady pulled up and asked me if I was there for the meeting. I said no, I'm here for Alanon. She said "that's what I meant". So she went and opened the door and I followed her downstairs. I was standing in the room, shaking and she just looked at me and abrubtly asked if I was going to help set up. That threw me, but I figured I could be interpreting things wrong because I'm so nervous.
I'm 26 and almost everyone else there was over 60 and had family that had been sober 25+ years, so I felt a bit out of place.
One of the "younger" (I'd guess around 45-50) ladies there came up to me afterwards and said that there was a good meeting on saturdays and asked if I had kids, I said I didn't and she replied "Ok good - so you don't have any responsibilites and you can go to that one." It really offended me because I do have a lot of responsibilites.
There was no talking afterwards (like I had heard about) or beforehand. The one younger one kept rambling after each person spoke. I say rambling because it was very jumpy and discombobulated. She spent 15 minutes talking about buying something at a store before saying that she wanted to come to a meeting.

I so struggle with the HP aspect of it. I realize that the HP is whatever you make of it and could even be a couch, but I'm just not ready to turn my life over, and all they kept telling me at the meeting "if you turn your life over to your HP, you'll be ok"

I was so upset after that meeting and felt like such a failure because they made it (turning life over to HP) so easy and I couldn't do it. I was bawling hysterically for a couple of hours. I just don't have the strength to go through that again right now.

(sorry that was so long)

underwood

What a disaster that meeting was....i am so sorry that you had such a negative experience. I can picture myself at 26 in similar circumstances...Go for counseling and accept that these people are professionals and are there to help you. Do not feel odd about being picky about changing to someone that you feel comfortable with....they totally understand. Be honest with them and yourself. Find the right person for YOU. Counseling has been a godsend...I convinced myself that I had to see a woman but I ended up with a man. He is almost more insistent on sobriety and holding my husband accountable although he is less judgmental on what to do about it. I think he is letting me work it out with his help. Good luck and stick with it...you are so young and I applaud you for dealing with this problem instead of hoping it to go away like I did
25 years ago.