tryingtofly

Granted, I only went to one meeting (and I know they reccomend 6) but I was such a wreck after the first one I never went back. Because of my school and work schedule I can only go to ones during the weekdays. When I went to the church, I was standing outside the main doors until about 5 minutes until the start time. Then a lady pulled up and asked me if I was there for the meeting. I said no, I'm here for Alanon. She said "that's what I meant". So she went and opened the door and I followed her downstairs. I was standing in the room, shaking and she just looked at me and abrubtly asked if I was going to help set up. That threw me, but I figured I could be interpreting things wrong because I'm so nervous.
I'm 26 and almost everyone else there was over 60 and had family that had been sober 25+ years, so I felt a bit out of place.
One of the "younger" (I'd guess around 45-50) ladies there came up to me afterwards and said that there was a good meeting on saturdays and asked if I had kids, I said I didn't and she replied "Ok good - so you don't have any responsibilites and you can go to that one." It really offended me because I do have a lot of responsibilites.
There was no talking afterwards (like I had heard about) or beforehand. The one younger one kept rambling after each person spoke. I say rambling because it was very jumpy and discombobulated. She spent 15 minutes talking about buying something at a store before saying that she wanted to come to a meeting.

I so struggle with the HP aspect of it. I realize that the HP is whatever you make of it and could even be a couch, but I'm just not ready to turn my life over, and all they kept telling me at the meeting "if you turn your life over to your HP, you'll be ok"

I was so upset after that meeting and felt like such a failure because they made it (turning life over to HP) so easy and I couldn't do it. I was bawling hysterically for a couple of hours. I just don't have the strength to go through that again right now.

(sorry that was so long)