long update
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: phoenix arizona
Posts: 741
long update
Hi everyone,
It's been awhile since I posted. I read frequently, but have just been drained to really pour out my life. I know I need to, though because the support is wonderful and I need a lift.
First, this school year has been one of my most challenging. I'm not only teaching something new, but I have many student behavior challenges. I'm trying to keep focusing on the positives and really reinforcing those things each day.
Second, my sister is falling deeper into her addiction. I'm attending Nar-anon meetings each week and they are helpful. I read and meditate every day and just hope for the best for her to get tired of her lifestyle and want to seek help. My parents are raising my niece and it hurts when my niece asks for her mommy. I feel for my parents and wish I could do more to help them. I do as much as I can to help give them a break when I go over to visit with my niece, but there's so much tension and anger. I miss my happy, laughing family. I try to be the strong one, ever hopeful for change.
Unfortunately, the third part has been bothering me lately. I had my own relapse and tried to get in touch with my exabf. I know this was not in my best interest. He can't fix anything for me. He can't even help himself. My mom and his mom are very close friends and through my mom I found out he's still living with his mom, drinking, and pretty much in the same place as when I left 1 1/2 years ago. I guess I'm still grieving the loss of everything and needed some comfort, too, so I reached out by calling and leaving a message. I didn't get any response back from him. Yes, I left him, we continued to see each other off and on for awhile, and then he just stopped calling. I think if everything else in my life was going well, I wouldn't care so much. I really know I've yet to completely let go.
I'm just having some tough times and I know if I focus on the good things, I'll feel better in time. I'm doing my best each day.
It's been awhile since I posted. I read frequently, but have just been drained to really pour out my life. I know I need to, though because the support is wonderful and I need a lift.
First, this school year has been one of my most challenging. I'm not only teaching something new, but I have many student behavior challenges. I'm trying to keep focusing on the positives and really reinforcing those things each day.
Second, my sister is falling deeper into her addiction. I'm attending Nar-anon meetings each week and they are helpful. I read and meditate every day and just hope for the best for her to get tired of her lifestyle and want to seek help. My parents are raising my niece and it hurts when my niece asks for her mommy. I feel for my parents and wish I could do more to help them. I do as much as I can to help give them a break when I go over to visit with my niece, but there's so much tension and anger. I miss my happy, laughing family. I try to be the strong one, ever hopeful for change.
Unfortunately, the third part has been bothering me lately. I had my own relapse and tried to get in touch with my exabf. I know this was not in my best interest. He can't fix anything for me. He can't even help himself. My mom and his mom are very close friends and through my mom I found out he's still living with his mom, drinking, and pretty much in the same place as when I left 1 1/2 years ago. I guess I'm still grieving the loss of everything and needed some comfort, too, so I reached out by calling and leaving a message. I didn't get any response back from him. Yes, I left him, we continued to see each other off and on for awhile, and then he just stopped calling. I think if everything else in my life was going well, I wouldn't care so much. I really know I've yet to completely let go.
I'm just having some tough times and I know if I focus on the good things, I'll feel better in time. I'm doing my best each day.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
It's nice to see you again!
I know sometimes when it seems that most of the areas in my life are not what I'd like for them to be, it can get to me after a period of time. And sometimes, it leads me to doing things that I know are not good for me.
I try to remember that 'this too will pass'. And when that doesn't work for me as quickly as I'd like it to (patience is a virtue, but it doesn't seem to be one of mine, LOL), I do something fun, silly, or nurturing for myself....just because! It may not change the issues or make them go away, but most of the time, it takes the 'seriousness' of the situation off the front burner long enough for me to realize that there are pleasurable aspects to life. And it's up to me to seek them out, and, do for myself!
I don't know if this is adding to your mood right now or not, but I think the holidays magnify whatever we are not happy about in our lives. Those darned commercials are fantasy props used to make us feel all warm inside and reach into our pockets to buy their product. They are not real life. Whenever I see those silly things, I turn the channel 'cause i know that doesn't accurately depict my family, and I don't want to depress myself by comparing what the commercial shows vs. what I have.
I hope you feel better soon aztchr. Doing the best you can do each day is great, but don't forget to 'enjoy' at least a small part of each day too!
I know sometimes when it seems that most of the areas in my life are not what I'd like for them to be, it can get to me after a period of time. And sometimes, it leads me to doing things that I know are not good for me.
I try to remember that 'this too will pass'. And when that doesn't work for me as quickly as I'd like it to (patience is a virtue, but it doesn't seem to be one of mine, LOL), I do something fun, silly, or nurturing for myself....just because! It may not change the issues or make them go away, but most of the time, it takes the 'seriousness' of the situation off the front burner long enough for me to realize that there are pleasurable aspects to life. And it's up to me to seek them out, and, do for myself!
I don't know if this is adding to your mood right now or not, but I think the holidays magnify whatever we are not happy about in our lives. Those darned commercials are fantasy props used to make us feel all warm inside and reach into our pockets to buy their product. They are not real life. Whenever I see those silly things, I turn the channel 'cause i know that doesn't accurately depict my family, and I don't want to depress myself by comparing what the commercial shows vs. what I have.
I hope you feel better soon aztchr. Doing the best you can do each day is great, but don't forget to 'enjoy' at least a small part of each day too!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
hey there
I'm not sure which is worse....
....watching someone you love falling further into the grip of addiction.
or
....watching the pain of the people you love who also love the addict.
It's all hard.
One of the first Alanon meetings I went to, a lady came up to me after the meeting and asked me "What nice thing are you going to do for YOU today."
The question seemed odd and "out of the blue".
I responded "Clean my house."
"No" she gently said "What nice thing are you going to do for YOU today."
I was baffled. I didn't understand what the heck she meant. She saw the confusion on my face and she asked "What makes you happy.....what do YOU like to do?"
Believe it or not, I was still confused. I had lost touch of what made me happy. I had lost touch with what I liked to do. My life, the life of my husband, the life of my daughter, the life of my co-workers.....all revolved around my A son.
I went home, filled the bathtub with bubblebath and really nice warm water. I sat in that tub and read (a book I picked up from Alanon that day). That was the beginning of me connecting with myself again.
So that is why I will ask you........"What nice thing are you going to do for YOU today."
gentle hugs to you
I'm not sure which is worse....
....watching someone you love falling further into the grip of addiction.
or
....watching the pain of the people you love who also love the addict.
It's all hard.
One of the first Alanon meetings I went to, a lady came up to me after the meeting and asked me "What nice thing are you going to do for YOU today."
The question seemed odd and "out of the blue".
I responded "Clean my house."
"No" she gently said "What nice thing are you going to do for YOU today."
I was baffled. I didn't understand what the heck she meant. She saw the confusion on my face and she asked "What makes you happy.....what do YOU like to do?"
Believe it or not, I was still confused. I had lost touch of what made me happy. I had lost touch with what I liked to do. My life, the life of my husband, the life of my daughter, the life of my co-workers.....all revolved around my A son.
I went home, filled the bathtub with bubblebath and really nice warm water. I sat in that tub and read (a book I picked up from Alanon that day). That was the beginning of me connecting with myself again.
So that is why I will ask you........"What nice thing are you going to do for YOU today."
gentle hugs to you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: phoenix arizona
Posts: 741
Thanks! I knew after writing and getting a few things out I could admit my own defects and begin again. The beauty of recovery is that when you are ready, you get to choose what happens next.
full of hope
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Hey Az!! Good to hear from you!
Glad you were able to come here and gain some perspective!
That's so good! The beauty of recovery....it's all our choice!
Glad you were able to come here and gain some perspective!
Originally Posted by aztchr 
The beauty of recovery is that when you are ready, you get to choose what happens next.
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