Barbara52

I learned today that life is going to be handing STBXAH some real life consequences finally. There was one of those notice to apear in court thingies taped to our house this morning. Now I can't be positive since I haven't seen it but the only thing I know it could be relates to his being a year in arears in child support to his first wife. For the second time. I allowed him to pay her out of the equity line this past January. He hasn't paid support since. He can't since he has no income. Of course all he had to do (as I've been telling him since he got fired 2+ years ago) was to go to court and get the support order modified. But he hasn't. This past January, the judge would have sent him to jail if he hadn't paid up in full. I rescued him. Not this time though!

This time, he will go to jail. He can't pay her the $13000 he owes her, he can't hire an attorney and I won't let him take it out of the equity line. He'll end up on work release (they will find him a job of some sort) and all his earnings will go to wife #1.

Karma has a way of catching up.

Impurrfect

Barbara -

My mom always told me "what comes around, goes around"....karma. I just had to learn to be patient. I always wanted karma to happen quickly to anyone I felt had wronged me. I realized that not only does it happen, it usually has absolutely nothing to do with me.

Good for you for not getting him out of this!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Barbara52

One I have learned is that I do not help when I rescue. He needs to deal with the results of his continued bad choices.

I pray this will be the beginnings of a wake up call for him and that he will turn to recovery.

FormerDoormat

Real-world consequences can lead to real-world changes. I'll join you in prayer that this is the wake-up call your husband needs.

DetachMe9

I'm sure you'll be finding out in a very short time what the thingie says, and the difference this time is that you'll be able to stand your (detached) ground.

My AH will be out of health insurance as of Dec. 31st, and I'm not putting him on mine. He's still unemployed, drinking, driving, and we're still married. I'm scared sh*tless he's going to implode before I get the chance to file. I'm hopeful he'll take his father up on an offer to pay for his COBRA until he gets his next job, but denial is thick.

Barbara52

It gets better. I found out he cashed a check from the insurance company that was supposed to be the insurance's share of my son's braces! The check was supposed to go to the dentist. Now I get to come up with $952.

I hope he likes his new role of underhanded thief!

Barbara52

Yeah, I know how that is. STBXAH said he has health insurance but doesn't. Now I'm trying to decide whether I should buy a catostrophic coverage policy for him or take my chances since I can file for divorce in Feb.

Barbara52

The more I think about his stealing the insurance money, the more amazed I am (although I really know I shouldn't be after reading and learning so much in here). This is so out of character for him. Heck, he's an ordained Elder in our church, on the Board of Trustees, in a position of trust and leadership in the church.

But he's getting desperate for money and this shows he's no better than so many other alcoholics.

Now I've got to figure out when and how to tell the pastor about this one. He needs to know simply because STBXAH has access to the church's money as a result of his position as Trustee.

SaTiT

too late for me...i couldn't seperate myself from her therefore
i suffered her consequences as will..actually a lot more.

I don't belive she feels a damn thing...
oh yeah she has pills for every ill and she's sick a lot.

Can't bring myself to lying, sceheme, and BSing my way out of
jam...

i don't know ...don't have those skills or rather two headlights
as assets.

guineapigjude

Barbara, I'm really glad you're still amazed at things your STBXAH does. That means you haven't lowered yourself to his level. I'm continually amazed at the things in our kid's lives my XAH has chosen to miss. Thats because I would rather cut of my arm than miss my kids growing up. In the same way, you would never in a million years think of stealing the insurance money.
Alcohol is the great equalizer. We're trained in our society not to generalize or stereotype people, but in the case of alcoholics, unless or until they get help, they are all just slight variations on the same theme.
Let's hope alcoholic's behavior always amazes us!

Barbara52

Thanks guineapigjude. I hadn't thought of my reaction in such a positive light. I was just so blown away by his theft. I guess there's some denial lingering about just what he is as an alcoholic.

guineapigjude

That'salways amazing, too. Each time XAH does something or I remember something he did that overwhelms me, I'm reminded how much in denial I was, and how much I'm still in. My XAH drinks 8 - 12 beers a day, smokes pot 24/7, is most likely using coke and most probably dealing. He left his family because we were in the way of his using. And I still find myself thinking (less often now, but it still happens!) that I was the cause of our problems.
This codie thing is hard to shake. It has a hold of us right to the bone!

Barbara52

It sure does! It keeps popping up at unexpected places in my life. But at least now I'm learning to recognize it and I do deal with it when it does.