long update
Hi everyone,
It's been awhile since I posted. I read frequently, but have just been drained to really pour out my life. I know I need to, though because the support is wonderful and I need a lift.
First, this school year has been one of my most challenging. I'm not only teaching something new, but I have many student behavior challenges. I'm trying to keep focusing on the positives and really reinforcing those things each day.
Second, my sister is falling deeper into her addiction. I'm attending Nar-anon meetings each week and they are helpful. I read and meditate every day and just hope for the best for her to get tired of her lifestyle and want to seek help. My parents are raising my niece and it hurts when my niece asks for her mommy. I feel for my parents and wish I could do more to help them. I do as much as I can to help give them a break when I go over to visit with my niece, but there's so much tension and anger. I miss my happy, laughing family. I try to be the strong one, ever hopeful for change.
Unfortunately, the third part has been bothering me lately. I had my own relapse and tried to get in touch with my exabf. I know this was not in my best interest. He can't fix anything for me. He can't even help himself. My mom and his mom are very close friends and through my mom I found out he's still living with his mom, drinking, and pretty much in the same place as when I left 1 1/2 years ago. I guess I'm still grieving the loss of everything and needed some comfort, too, so I reached out by calling and leaving a message. I didn't get any response back from him. Yes, I left him, we continued to see each other off and on for awhile, and then he just stopped calling. I think if everything else in my life was going well, I wouldn't care so much. I really know I've yet to completely let go.
I'm just having some tough times and I know if I focus on the good things, I'll feel better in time. I'm doing my best each day.