hadenoughnow

ok, WHAT? he is texting you this crap?

you should be able to block his texts without changing your number, call your cell carrier and ask to have him blocked

minnie

Boundaries, hon.

Is there anyone around who will screen and delete your texts for a while? He will get bored soon enough as long as you don't show him any reaction. Or perhaps change your number/get his number blocked (some cell phones have this function in the settings menu.)

Hey, you're just being shown that you did the right thing in divorcing him. Can you take some pleasure from that?

SaTiT

I think it natural to feel jealouse. Generally that's the first thing that
would play itself in my head. If I didn't feel any thing, then that would
really scare me more. All that dose is verifies that I truley love someone.

True there's the territory stuff that comes too. All that dose is
verify that I'm human.

If my GF drop me for another man and blows me off...well that's
nothing knew..she dropped me for her addiction or alcoholism with
a drop of a hat. It's just and extension of how she treated me or
how she actaully vaule my love or me. The principles are still the same.
The suger coated version of it is....active alkis are incapiable of love.
It's written in the AA BB.. that's why some people don't like to read the
book.lol

Acceptence is a sob. And the truth hurts sometime.
But the truth will also set me free. Yes it hurts like hell.
But all that dose is verifies that I'm capiable of love still.
Just have to make better chioces , if I get involve with someone else.

Hopefully, she won't mess it up for me again. I don't know...
have you gone through the crazy stage of your ex-alki getting
jealouse yet ? Cuz that was just totally insane.lol

I hope you feel better Chero.

Pick-a-name

WEIRD..sounds like he's just trying to rattle your cage to me. Why isn't he with her,if all is so fabulous? instead of texting YOU!? Sounds like his ego needs a little propping up to me.

Oddballs.

My ex came thru with a surprise this weekend,too. For a change,it was a nice one (which in my book means to prepare for another zinger soon!) I mentioned in an email about something else that I thought if I was going to continue to live in this house (that we shared for 22yrs) that I think I'll have to find a boyfriend or two (and I actually was serious). (fwiw:He divorced me to "date and have fun") Our front stone stairs are the latest thing to colapse. I did a double-take Saturday: he showed up after golf to see what he could do about the steps" and after that he asked: "what else needs done?" Do you know he showed up the next day and took son's (who was home for the weekend) car to Home Depot, bought supplies and built a new set of stairs for the winter until they can be rebuilt... Great! (but very odd....he has not been over here for months.) Son even asked him "since when was he so handy again"? haha

Gotta love having the job done,though!

I guess what I'm saying is there is no predicting what to expect from them; except that it will be something out of left field (and have something in it for them! somehow)

Good luck; I think I would try to ignore him,though I'd almost get to chuckle about how crazy the things he is saying are and probably have to peek for the laugh. Sounds like a little kid who is not getting his way and trying to bug you by saying what he thinks will get you to respond and interact.

Loopylou

Gees I thought my exAH was nasty. He is rubbing your nose in it. Mine tried that too - when he told me about her, then told my sons. He claimed he told me because he was sure that someone else would tell me and he wanted it to come from him. He is now living with her. This is all within 6-8 weeks of leaving a 17 year marriage / 20 year relationship.
When he told me it was like someone had stuck a cold steel knife straight through he. I will never forgive him for brushing not just me, but my children, away out of his life like we never existed. It explained why he had been so horrible to me, so verbally aggressive and disrespectful for weeks.
I changed my mobile number - inconvenient for a while but he can't text me or ring me anymore. I blocked his email addresses and won't give him a contact number for my new home. I don't want anything to do with him at all. I really don't think I could ever speak to him or stand in the same building as him again.
Don't give him the opportunity to do this to you..... build walls around you. He is hurting you and enjoying it.
I still hurt, but it is made a whole lot easier by completely eliminating him from my life. He is not worth your tears or hurt, neither is mine..........
I wish I could fast forward to feeling OK but I think how we feel now is part of the process of healing. In a few months time when his relationship goes wrong he will feel the pain you are feeling now when he finds that you have moved on (maybe not with someone else) but you won't want him in your life anymore. He is the loser not you.

CBrown

"As time went on, and I realized the guy was spending hundreds and hndreds a month on booze, drugs, and gambling, somehow the thrill was gone, and I began to resent anything he gave me as being insulting." I hear ya, GPJ! I told the XABF back in September "Don't BUY me anything, please!" He feels the only way he can keep a woman in his life is to buy her trinkets. Well actually that IS the only way. He won't do sobriety and that was the first thing necessary to save any type of relationship between us. Yes, the thrill is gone, especially when what they're buying you is the same as what they're buying a couple other women at the same time.

Yup, I know cheap too. He bought his $50 engagement ring at Kmart, I used my mother's. I figured no sense in him spending money when I thought it was all a sham. Turns out I was right. That was June 22nd. Three months later he was engaged to the XGF and bought her a $20 fake engagement ring on Amazon. Then 2 days later ordered another. Did he forget or is he up to three fiancees??

Chero, it was one thing when he was calling you the other day and I said "when he calls be pleasant and give him rehab info." This is NOT funny anymore. He's cruel and insane, IMHO. I was shocked reading your post. Minnie, good idea!

Pick-a-Name ... you live in the same house as your XAH? Wow! Now THAT is detachment! I don't want to see, hear, or be anywhere near my XH or XABF. I bet I'd want to kill them in short order. HEH HEH

Pick-a-name

That's the weirdest part.....no;we do not.
He moved out a few years ago. (He has a condo about 15 minutes away.) Our kids and I still live here (well, this is "home" for the 25y and the other is away at school) and we have never untangled our finances and joint earnings (30 yrs-worth and I was SAHM for 25 of them). They are in some kind of a third-party-set-up now (my lawyer was cking it out) but he is still paying all my bills,etc so I am not rocking that boat (yet), My cousin is our accountant,so I am not too worried at this point because on paper there is a run-down. Heck; I'm not sure we are even legally divorced. (Long,odd story.I'll spare the details) Actually, I think he and OW (who he denied) may have fought over that issue and "broken up" over it...boohoo. ha (I think he finally realized that once there were no financial ties;the kids and I had no need to "need" or be in contact with him...and he is right.) If there is one thing that AH makes sure of it is that everyone knows he is financially providing for the three of us (so far and that is great!)

Very odd. I did not invite him to Holidays with us last year (like when we were separated and no one knew,so that is part of why we got into this "mode",too) and he called about the plans and came to all of them at my relatives with us last year. ??? (kids asked what was that about and he said "why wouldn't I?" ??) It goes on..... Weird. Many think his "issue" is a midlife crisis and I do believe that is part of it...or looks like it.

I get in a funk and finally get to the point where I am all over it and hope he just leaves me alone....and he shows up. I AM detatching from his drama more and more.I am finally seeing it; makes me feel stronger about making my own choices about things. I am not bullied by him because he lost the "threat/holds" over me in many ways when he took me to court.

chero

I'm trying to, Minnie. It's strange because I always blamed his bad behavior on the alcohol but now I'm seeing maybe some of it is just him. I never thought that was possible before but mean is mean and ugly is ugly.

Of course, my first codie-instinct was to make excuses for him but enough already. He was constantly reminding me how much he lost in all this and how he was the only one to get hurt.

You know what, I'm done...go cry on HER shoulder!

Pick-a-name

YUP!!!!!

minnie

You know what, hon? I have come to realise that this board would not exist if all the partners did was drink. I am betting there are countless spouses and partners out there who have people in their lives who drink over the odds yet it would never have crossed their minds to seek help from a forum.

We are here because of behaviours. Theirs and ours. I don't give a rat's arse whether drink is involved or not. I am just glad that I am not subject to those behaviours anymore and it is my wish that every person who posts on here realises that they don't have to be either.

chero

That's so true!! But so hard, too!

You know what helped me was realizing how true your quote is...Don't make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option!

The day I read that it was like a lightbulb went off for me.

Tonight I had a text from him that said he wanted back a cd that he left in my car. It isn't one I would listen to but is one that is in there. Anyway, I remembered the night we bought that cd he was so drunk and made me drive him to the store to buy it. I was so ashamed because it was so obvious something was wrong. I had been crying and he was staggering. UGH!

I was never EVER his priority.

ME TOO!!!

SaTiT

Nothing like contact of any sort to get me spining again.

Pick-a-name

Loopylou

It's not the alcohol abuse so much as the horrible behavior.
At the moment it would appear that my ex has his drinking more under control. When he lived with me and my sons he chose to act like an utter ar*e hole most of the time. He was drunk every day coming home from work - he shouted and screamed abuse at me and my sons and treated us as though he hated us. He is still doing that now.
As I've mentioned before my Ex has a personality problem .. I think many As do.
I don't miss being shouted at and degraded either.

Loopylou

Latest fantastic fatherly idea of my ex is to move to a different town.
He has told my sons that they are welcome to "crash" round at his when they are older and want to go out with their mates. They are now 13 & 15.
He promised them he would stay in the town where we live so they could stay at his when they wanted and get to school still etc. They have never stayed at his flat (he no longer lives in it anyway) and have never spent more than 3 hrs at a time with him.
He is definitely moving on... not just from me but from all of us....
No loss in some ways.. but very hurtful

sad and in love

My heart goes out to you.....My ex started "dating" while he was in rehab, about 3 weeks after he gave me a beautiful engagement ring!!!! He cheated on me in rehab, and moved her INTO OUR HOME on VALENTINES DAY, the day he got out of rehab. I had to move back into my parents house, and am still, 8 months later, dealing with the anger and hurt feelings I have about the entire situation. I think it's ridiculous, but like your friends said, maybe I should send that tramp a thank you card, because for the first time in a long time, I do not have to put up with his abuse...All I can say is hold your head high, you are better than him, and one day you will meet someone who truly deserves you and will treat you well. Best wishes