embraced2000

so often, we read advice to others "to take care of yourself".

in my beginning of recovery, i had no idea what that was. someone would suggest taking a long, hot bubble bath. and i would think that was so stupid....after all, i had a raging, drunk, blonde headed mad gorilla in the house raising all kinds of hell....how the hell was a bubble bath going to help me?????? i would think.....in a real sarcastic way.....yeah, right, a friggin bubble bath....whoop-de-damn-do.....yeah, now THAT will really help, won't it???? why aren't they telling me how to successfully poison him?????

little did i know that doing the simple things of caring for myself would eventually lead me out of the madness.

so i was thinking.....what do you all do to take care of yourselves? maybe some of the newer ones could really benefit from hearing what some of us did to take care of ourselves in the midst of chaos?

i'll start. the first thing i did to take care of myself was to go to the doc for an annual pap, mammo, and check up. i hadn't done it for years. and i used to do it every year without fail before i became locked in the alcoholic and codie dance.

i then went to the eye doc and the dentist. all of these visits turned into many more visits, because i had neglected my health for so long. it was time consuming, but it was time for me, and it was time used to take care of myself. and it was time out of the chaos.

then, i started cleaning out drawers and closets. i had neglected my home, also, and it felt wonderful to have at least SOMETHING that was nice and neat and organized. i still can remember the bliss of that feeling. i hadn't felt any nice feeling for so long, that this feeling of accomplishment was so huge and made me feel hope, and one thing led to another.

once i took that first step of taking care of myself, the universe opened and one project followed another. each project completed boosted my spirit and courage. it also detangled me from the chaos of the addiction.

anyone else want to share and add to list of things they did to "take care of themselves"?

hmbld

Thanks for the helpful hints. I'm the bubble bath queen, the tub is my domain and the only living things permitted in my domain are the dogs who stand there and lick the water off of my hair while I read. lol

I also spend time with my mom and dad drinking coffee, and letting them take care of me. I feel very fortunate to have that escape amongst all I have on my plate. I don't know what I would do without them, and I can't forget my sister who makes me laugh when I'd rather be crying.

DesertEyes

Before my ex got hooked on pills we had a hugely busy life. Owned three small companies, jobs on the side, family, on and on. We made a promise to set aside a couple hours once a weekend just for _us_. We would take ourselves out to lunch at our fav restaurant in town, part of a chain called "Claim Jumper".

When the pill addiction took over, that fell by the wayside. Eventually we separated and divorced. I moved to the town where I am now for a job. The little companies were gone, the marriage was gone, my health was gone too.

Folks in al-anon told me to do something good for _me_. They told me to go back to that restaurant and start making _new_ memories for _me_. I tried, several times. I couldn't even walk in the door, the memories were so painful I simply couldn't do it. I had to do an inventory, and then I grabbed a good book and took myself to lunch at that restaurant.

My life today is really busy. I got meetings to go to, tons of people in the program to keep in touch with, a job, working on re-starting my art business, lots of doctor appointments to keep up on. Now I take myself out to that restaurant once a week. Just me and a good book. It's my quiet time away from all the world. Now I can sit there and remember the _good_ times I had with my ex, how wonderfuly happy we once were. Yes, my marriage ended badly, but it had a wonderful run.

I have lots of new memories that I have made for myself in that restaurant. It no longer hurts to got there, it's become both a refuge and a treasured memory. That's one of the ways I take care of me, by making a little time once a week to step away from the world and everything in it and just sit down with a good book and a good lunch.

Mike
p.s. Great thread, Jeri, thanx

embraced2000

i bought one of those huge skin care kits from a popular line on a shopping network on tv, and MADE myself use it religiously, every day. it felt so good. like a little girl playing with a bunch of goodies.

i would spend hours taking care of my skin.......all different kinds of lotions, potions, serums, masks, cleansers, soaks, moisturizers, cremes....you name it. i would spread it all out on my bed and go through all the steps. it was a delicious way to escape the chaos going on in my life. and i wound up with real good skin.

mallowcup

I think this is a very important point. I remember Christmas shopping in a fancy shop that sold expensive lotions and all the exrea special sundries for women. I was shopping for a gift. I realized that I would spend that kind of money on someone else but not myself. The clearnace sale bin was good enough for me.
I think this thinking was instilled by my mother a long time ago.
The good dishes were for guests, strangers. We just ate off the mismatched stuff that had been demoted to the bottom shelf because it was chipped or mismatched.
This is just an example of the general day to day thinking.
I agree that a bubble bath sounds stupid, until I realized that it represented something else.
One bottle of fancy lotion is really the first step in acknowledging "self".
This conversation opens the door to many things that seem little but aren't.
I'm off to work right now but this post inspires more thought.

woobie

HMBLD,
when I read your post I laughed so hard! I thought I was the only one who took a bath with my dogs in the bathroom! They love it! they stand on the side of tub and lick the soap off the side of tub and lick my shoulders as I unwind. My Ah got angry and said that I should not have the dogs in there that it was a bad habit for them to encourage them to lick soap bubbles! I just ignored him and figured he was saying that because he was jealous because he probably wanted to be there instead! LOL

guineapigjude

I gave away so much of myself during the years with XAH. I spent most of my time either working, trying to appease X or taking care of the kids ~ I rarely went out on my own as I couldn't trust what would happen with the kids and X when I did.
I have been spending time doing things I used to like to do, and exploring things I always wanted to do but felt unable to. I am also doing things like putting on make up and taking more self interest .. It really is nice to feel I am worth my own attention again!

ICU

The ONE thing I had always yearned for since childhood was a 'peaceful' and soothing home environment. Something that represented who 'I' was, or rather, wanted to be. A place where I couldn't wait to come home to and feel safe and nurtured. Between living with my parents, then onto 'live-in' boyfriends, it took me over 40+ years to finally achieve it! I didn't have much money, so that meant I had to tap into my creative side a little bit.

I tackled the living room first. I repositioned all of the furniture (from how my 'ex' had it). I started with the couch. I turned it to face outside so that I could see the beautiful trees in the woods through my double sliding glass window while I was watching tv. I turned my large non-functioning stereo speakers into storage units with a long piece of wood on top to be used for holding a lamp, plants, books, etc. I sanded and painted it and it looks rather nice. I had two old end tables that I also painted. I wanted a black lacquer look, but unfortunately used a 'white' primer coat underneath (ok, so it was a learning experience). The white primer kept bleeding through, but, it had an interesting 'marble' look, so I kept it that way and really like it. I finished it up with a high gloss finish and put some inexpensive, decorative brass looking hardware on it. I loved figuring out how to do it, and was surprised by the end result, even though it differed from my original plan. I then filled the rest of the room with small inexpensive plants, took 7 or 8 printed cloth napkins and hung them on an angle as a valance over my sliding glass door (full length curtains were just too expensive). I love my living room now.

Next onto the bedroom....I repositioned my bed so the first thing I would see in the morning were the trees (yes, from the same 'woods' as I see in my living room). I bought the softest sheets in pretty colors from QVC and an extra large quilt, and the softest of soft oversized blankets. I just hated it when the blankets weren't wide enough to cover me...a pet peeve of mine for years. Well, not a problem any longer. I finished it up with plants, pictures, candles, and turned two closet storage type units on their sides and used them for nightstands (real cheap too)!

Did the same for the bathroom, and in the kitchen I rearranged the shelves to suit me! The biggest thing there was putting my pots and pans in upper shelves... bending over to get them where they used to be wasn't helpful to my back.

For the longest time at night I would put on my sound effects 'ocean waves and Pachebel Canon' cd and fall asleep to that playing softly in the background. Oh, how it soothed me.

It is so nice where I live now. My 'furniture', LOL, really are no more than odd pieces of this and that, but that's ok. I put a lot of myself into it (kind of like therapy), and I just love being home....ummm...perhaps a little too much, LOL!

It is so important to do things to take care of ourselves. It's something I had forgotten, or perhaps didn't really know how to do before. And it's true, it doesn't have to be something big at all. Little things, done on a daily basis, DO make a difference. It's all about 'self love'.

Thanks Jeri for this wonderful thread. Can't wait to read everyone else's responses.

irelandx7

This is a great thread. To discover that simple, everyday things can make you feel tons better. It makes you realize how much you let fall by the wayside when shackled by this disease.

embraced2000

i ordered an extra large pizza delivered....with extra fresh mushrooms, sausage, and onions.

when it came, i sat in the floor, picked all the toppings off that i wanted to eat and slowly munched them away......i pinched all the good, browned crust edges off that had the perfect mix of sauce and cheese and dipped them further into the underneath pizza sauce and joyously ate all i wanted. then i threw the rest out to the neighbors dogs.

i did it because.......i could!!!! and it felt wonderful. so peaceful.

wonderful shares....thanks everyone.

lovemypup

I starting volunteering at the local non-kill animal shelter. I put my codieism to good use. Instead of caring for everyone else I take care of myself and take care of animals that just want so bad to be loved. I feel so good about myself when I go in there and interact with the babies that have no one special in their lives. They do give you unconditional love!
I am not only helping them out but they help me just as much.

FormerDoormat

My dad used to buy large baskets of bath soaps, bath salts, lotions, potions, and creams from Bath and Body Works for my mom for Christmas. He called it a basket of "rich emolients." My mother, sister, and I got a kick out of that. I shared the story with Richard years ago and told him that I always bought "rich emolients" for my girlfriends because I would love to receive such a gift. So the following Christmas morning there was a big basket of "rich emolients" from Richard under the Christmas tree waiting for me, and every year thereafter.

These days, I don't wait until Christmas to treat myself to "rich emolients." I stop in Bath and Body Works every time I pass the store, and try something new. This will be the first Christmas in 25 years that there won't be a basket of "rich emolients" under my Christmas tree. My father and Richard are now gone. But this thread has inspired me to purchase one for myself, wrap it, and place it under the tree on Christmas morning. A recovery gift from myself; it doesn't get any better than that.

embraced2000

i had become so paralyzed while living in the chaos of the addiction. as a result, i had let so many things go.....after all, who in the world could think of anything else except the insanity around them and trying to make sense of out of nonsense?

i work in the hospitality and lodging industry. we use many vacuums. when one would quit, i would just go buy another one.

so one day, i decided i was going to pull one of broken ones out of the storage building and try and repair it. guess what? i fixed it. so i reconditioned all the orphan vacumms piled up in the storage building.

what a sense of accomplishment for me!!!!! sounds so little, but it was very big for me.

one of the first things i did, also, was make myself get up 30 minutes early and walk around the property lines of the business three times......this was on a list of things to do that my friends gave me.....i hated it....because i just wanted to be rolled up in the covers in bed. but i did it for my friends. because i promised them i would.

it felt wonderful after awhile. exercise clears the mind for me, and got the ball rolling for the rest of the day.

course, all the time, my ah was raising hell bout it.....but i could turn deaf when i needed to.

there are so, so many things that i started to do that helped me so much. who would have ever thought that repairing vacuum cleaners would turn out being good to myself.....but they did.....feelings of accomplishment, feelings of capabilities, feelings of knowledge, feelings of saving money for the company.......they were all good things of taking taking care of myself. it all added to my self esteem, which was at the bottom of the well.

Rella927

Embrace I love this (above) and I love this thread! It came at a great time! I have been a bit off center over the past week and I read this thread and thought WOW hello start doing what you need to do and enjoy yourself, regain YOU again! Fixing something (not people anymore) brings a sense of accomplishment and amazing feeling eh?!

I enjoy a long hot steamy bath with candles all around the tub! There is a place that is in the next town over from me that is a park up on the mountains-it overlooks NYC and there is a rock up there that I visit.....I cry, I laugh, I cleanse I feel like myself and whole again when I visit that rock!

I also enjoy scrapbooking, knitting-I become proud of myself when I see what everything looks like when it is done!

I mostly enjoy spending time with my little fur baby-I feel a wonderful sense that she needs me and I need her but we need each other unconditionally. It is a great feeling to be loved for ourselves!

Thank you embrace for this! You Rock!

tryvia

For me, it's all about physical exertion.

I'll spend two hours at the gym, or move furniture (last year I locked my girlfriend out of our bedroom for an hour and completely rearranged it, two full bookshelves, three full dressers, and our bedframe is made of iron), or go through all my possessions to throw things out and see how much unnecessary cr*p in my life I can get rid of. I find it's a nice metaphor that also makes my living space more pleasant.

At this point, I can fit all my non-furniture possessions into a Kia Spectra.

embraced2000

the very first thing i did to take care of myself was to go to al-anon....although i went kicking, screaming, and cussin.

i was so bitter, hardened, angry....and i took every bit of it on those smiling, happy, helpful al-anonians. for six months i was their crazy, hard to crack nut. i was like a tantruming child, throwing fits, walking out of meetings after dramatic speeches to them about how "sweety-pie" they were......didn't they KNOW WHAT I WAS LIVING???!!!!!!

thank god, they put up with me and kept their patience.

i guess that was the very first thing i did to take care of myself.

the second thing was pulling myself up outta the dust on the floor and brushing my teeth and combing my hair, and taking a bath.....yup folks, it was that bad. a group of my friends actually came on a mission of babysitting me, making me do these things.

i was really lost. my heart was beating, my lungs were breathing, but i just couldn't move or think except hateful, mean, cruel things. my heart was broken, and so was my spirit.

it was then that i realized it had been three days since i had fed my beloved rudy-dog. that was a real eye opener.

so then i took care of him by feeding him of course, and taking him to the groomer, buying him a new collar and new id tag. then i loved him up real good and made a vow not to ever neglect him again.

Afraid 2 let go

I enjoyed reading all these posts SO much. Embraced, thank you VERY much for starting this post. Honestly, right now I'm still in the middle of the chaos, but I'm VERY MUCH looking forward to finding MYSELF again. It was so interesting reading these posts and hearing how all of you did it. Thanks to you ALL!!

ICU

Well, I just went on a brief shopping trip...bought my Goya Red Beans and Rice packaged mixes, will make that tonight with 'low sodium' (taking care of myself) chicken broth instead of 'boring' water.

As I finish up my leftover broccoli pizza from the other day, I cleaned my stove top and installed those metal thingies (for lack of the proper term) that catches spills and such around the burners. They are brand shiny new and my kitchen looks much nicer. Who knew eight bucks could make me smile so much!

Now I've got a different scented candle burning in each room to hopefully reduce the 'freshly cooked garlic' odor from the air. For some reason I just love that extra garlic on my pizza.

Still loving this thread too!

Rella927

ICU ....yankee candle just came out with a new frosted pumpkin scent and Coconut Cookie Bar ! I had two of them burning and some tarts the other day and yummy!

ICU

Well Rella, it would just figure that 'you too' are a Yankee Candle fan, LOL!!! I read about the coconut one....me loves coconut!